Somedayyyyyy I won't feel like this anymore.

Yeah, all of my blogs lately have been depressing, and heres the deal-if you don't like it, don't fucking read them. I realllllly don't give a FUCK.

I feel like everyone is pregnant around me. And they want to talk to me about it. If your telling me that your pregnant, awesome, Im REALLY happy for you, and Im glad you told me! But theres no need to talk to ME about it after that. Give me a little time I mean shit. I don't mean to be a bitch, but I just don't want to hear it. I know that you have a bunch of other people that you can talk to. So when I say "hey hows it going" you feel like hell because your pregnant, your CORRECT response is "Im good how are you" theres no need to point out that your sick. or what have you been up to, oh getting ready for the baby to come-hey just lie to me. Its not that hard. tell me youve been really busy, shopping, just make something up. Seriosuly people. Be fucking senstive. I know its hard to understand if you never went through what I am going through, but Im pretty sure you have a heart. Maybe you just forget...but for the love of god people, I dont care. Pleaseeeee be senstive to me.

You sure as fuck don't know what I am going through (and if you did you wouldn't talk to me about your pregnancy). I know its really mean of me to tell people this. I know it is...but I can't help it. If you felt the way I feel inside when we talk about your pregnancy,..you would 1000000% understand. And would probably cry. And feel like the worse person in the world. TRUST ME.

Ahhhhhh. I hate feeling this this, I hate being depressed, jealous...its nottttt me. But in all fairness this is my SECOND loss....and I would have almost 4year old twins (april 20th) running around...and now I would now be pregnant with my third child. Its just not easy. Everything else in my life is amazing..and Im not even going to act like its not. But its this one thing, one big thing holding me back from having a fully happy life. And I know, I know...someday you will get your family, blah blah blah, that doesn't help me out right now. If I KNEW when I would get pregnant, and that I would deff get pregnant...it wouldn't be bad..because its like hey its going to happen this time..I could be like yesss, and no worry..I would still hurt from losing my babies, of course..that pain will never go away. But at least on top of that I wouldn't have the worry that I will never have another healty preganancy.

okayyyyy I feel better:) thanks for listening lmao.