Today I want to blog about friends...
Its amazing to me how friends come & go so quickly in our lives. I notice a lot of times you hear about the friends you lose from drama, & what not. But what about the friends that quickly slip out of your reach for maybe no reason at all...you simply lose touch with them. When you see them you may say hey, how are you...& you may still care about them but for some reason you just lose touch, and they are gone. When this happens to me I always ask myself why. I have soo many friends that I dont talk to very often, but when I do talk to them I know are still friends, I dont even have to second guess if they still want to remain friends, I just know. Just because we don't talk everyday doesn't mean we aren't friends. But here in El Paso its so much different, if you don't talk to someone for a while you start to wonder, are we still friends, does she hate me now, is she talking shit. Its crazy how you can go from being really close to someone to just running into them & getting no more then a hey out of them. I do know that I am really thankful for all those friends I can just pick up & start talking to, thats when you know you have real friends.
Im starting to miss home more & more these days. I'm starting to wish we could just pack up & go back home...even though I know if I were to move back there I would miss El Paso so much...funny how that works. If I could just pick a few people and make them move here life would be pretty freaking great.
I watched the last 4 eposides of army wives season 4 tonight, just so I can get caught up again before the premire...and they were talking about Pamela moving away, and how Roxie was feeling about it (they are best friends), I couldn't help but think that one day one of my close friends from here is going to move. I have already had two friends move away, and its not easy. I have had a long distance relationship with Sandra for a while now-actually she moved away from me in Nov of 09 and we have been long distance ever since. Plus the times before when she moved away to Iowa just because. Its really hard to keep up with long distance relationships, but we make it work! It just makes me wonder, if everyone moved away, or if I moved away, would we remain friends? Or okay, would we remain close friends? With a few friends husbands coming home its time to make choices on weather to PCS or not...Its pretty heart breaking for me, because I just got her a year ago, so I know we won't be leaving...and then theres possiblies of my friends leaving. I know its army life, but I guess I didn't count on getting this close to people. I also didn't count on getting this close to people, going as far as calling them a possible el paso best friend, and then suddenly something happening and you losing touch. Its kind of a tough pill to swallow, however-it reminds me of this quote Im not exactly sure how it goes but something like People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Since moving to el paso, I can name a lot of people that have came & gone & even point out the reasons.
Moving on to something new..
Yep, still depressed. I'm trying to act happy, but its just not working. My period came yesterday, which just reminded me of the miscarriage of course. It is a good thing though, because that means my period will hopefully get back on track to where it needs to be. Which means maybe I can get pregnant & it won't take that long...who really knows though. I'm really looking forward to my appointment on Monday-I feel like I have so many damn questions. I hope they don't ask if Im depressed, Im not really sure how to answer that. I suppose I should tell the doctor the only thing I am depressed about is this miscarriages. Lately, even though I have been doing things, all I really want to do is sit on the couch & cuddle with Justin...who hasn't been around much lately (work), or sleep. Ive been on facebook a lot just to pass the time, which I must say doesn't help..considering everyone is pregnant. and many of them are on thier 2nd child before I even got my first. Im seeing some postives to all the time its taking to get pregnant, like how huge my savings account will be by the time I finally get my blessing, which means my child won't have to go without at all..and how I am going to apperciate everything 100times more then other mothers do. Everytime I think I'm doing better I am slapped in the face by something new. Im trying to care about other pregnancys, but I dont. I'm trying to be supportive, loving & caring...but its all fake. Sooner or later I WILL snap out of this. I keep telling myself that, and it seems to be helping me get through the day. The past two days have been horrible because my bleeding has been pretty bad, to the point where I almost passed out in the shower, and I am so tired I can bearly function-even after a lot of hours of sleep. I can't eat much, I feel like Im going to throw up, and I feel quizy all the time. I know this too shall pass....but in the mean time it fucking sucks. Well, I have stayed up waiting for Justin to get off the game for too long...so now I am going to say fuck it & go to bed...
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