Somtimes when I'm not sure about a choice I made, and I need to remember that I made a good choice, I make a pros & cons list. Right now, I knowww I made the best choice getting post housing, but I know that seeing my list will help out a lot.
First off, its a house. Its not the nicest house in the world, however its a house! And is MUCH better then that tiny apartment I was going to try to move into. A bad thing, we aren't going to pocket any money on BAH, I was really worried about that until I broke it down...our rent was 765 here, and our utities averaged around 120 bucks which left us with $45 left over. Which we then spend $24 a month on laundry, which brings us down to $21, then you have to factor in gas...and how much money we spend buying little things at walmart or gas stations because it was closer...if you ask me we have broke right about even. Now I will have my OWN washer & dryer, woo hoo. I will be right acrossed the street from the commisary and right down the road from the gas station, so I won't have to spend that extra couple bucks because of tax and just because prices are high ex: ciggs at 5.60 on post and 6.75 (or something) off post...dipp is 2 somthing on post...its 4 somthing off post. So just that little stuff will actually save us money. I will actually be able to have our friends over for a BBQ...we couldn't if we moved into high vista because it was going to be TINY and we had nooo balcony. I will be able to run the air/heat as high as I want..and won't have to worry about the bill. I will be able to use my scensty all the time & not worry about how it just might be effect my utility bill. The floors are tile, so that in itself are pros & cons...pros would be sooo easy to clean, we don't have to worry about the kids coming over & spilling on the carpet anymore! The cons, its cold and hard...haha. But thats what area rugs are for, which is another pro & con....pro they are soo cute, n at least I didn't waste money on my vacumm ((even tho I can use it bare floor anyways..so its not a total waste), and con they cost $$$. <--and we all know Im a cheap ass. haha. Another pro is I have my own parking, haha..I dont have to freaking search for a parking spot...and I have covered parking. Bringing stuff in is going to be awesome...imagine a day when I don't have to walk around the corner & up the stairs..haha yess. I can paint!!! Thats something cool and un that I will probably do!...eventually. haha. I get to water my grass...haha, to some that might not be that cool..but tooo me it is! I get to walk to the events on post, and don't have to worry about getting the car! Of course Justin is closer to work!:)))) So you see, while I might not be living in the cutest house in the world..there are many advantages. I always said those houses weren't worth my BAH but then I started factoring all of this stuff it, (once I was offered the house of course) and I realized, you know it is worth it. And plus I was going to live in high vista n have a tiny den for my babys room...and then have to move when the baby was like 6months-a year at the latest...now we can stay in the house till we PCS. It's a nice feeling. Oh a con is I now don't have a pool to swim in, I have to go on the one on post..which I dont really mind I love that one...it has slides! A pro is that I can invite as many people as I want & I dont have to worry about getting in trouble. Oh and I can bbq because at high vista I couldn't...and we have a YARD lol. :) a HUGE con about not being prepared is that we had to pay 1009.00 bucks to stay in this dump another month...because they raised the rent for this ugly ass townhome to 859 ((people you are ON crack if you pay that much)) and then 150 for a month to month fee...it sucks...but its only a month! And it beats saying in a hotel, getting a uhaul to put stuff in storage...getting a uhaul to pull it out...plus the hotel prices were MORE. sooo yeah...its only temp...ohhh and noooo damn deposit. as much as I loved high vista..they did kind of screw me, or I felt like I was getting screwed...when I first talked to them about moving in I was told 645 for rent (but that it would prolly go up a little bit before I moved in) & my deposit would be 150....somehow from the few months back it went upt to 670 and 275 for a deposit. Plus they were owned by the same mangers as these crappy ones. So as much as I was looking forward to moving into high vista....I believe God wanted me to get housing for a reason! OHHH and now we can [possibly] get a puppy:))) & not have to pay a stupid monthly fee or a few deposit. Im starting to learn...apartments are highway robery haha. Ahhh I can't wait to move in....:))))))))
Okayyyy...I think I have 100% convinced myself!:)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Life is full of amazing surpises:)
Today I was at care4coffee, which is a group of amazing ladies that meets on post every week and this girl was telling me how shes moving into her new house on post, and I was like man, I want to live on post....and Jena was like I've been telling you FOREVER to go up and talk to them, so I decided that I would go and talk to them, if they offered me a house it was Gods way of saying that is where I need to be, if not I am meant to move in high vista...so we went to talk to them and Angie told me she had a house...I was like holy crap. However, its the housing I swore I would never live in..I always thought it wasn't worth my bah or anything. But then I started crunching numbers and I realized on average I only saved about $40 a month living in my apartment I live in now...and then I was doing laundry which was $24 bucks a month, then facor in gas, I'm like wait a min..I am not making hardly anything by living off post. Now mind you if we moved in high vista, we DEFF would bank...however we would not be able to have ANY partys because the apartment was going to be tiny, and its not like I had a patio to send the guys out on...so I started thinking, and I was like you know what this is the best choice for us. The house on the outside is ugly as hellllll...and they deff aren't the best houses the army has to offer, however Justins rank is low, and we have no kids...its lucky we are able to get a house at all. Plus the pros out way the cons so much, its deff not a house I am in love with, and would want to live forever...but for temporany, its great. Now the bad about this choice, we are stuck in our apartment which means we have to pay a month-to-month which comes out to be 1,009 bucks, which is just another wonderful way our apartments get to rip us off, but we have noo other choice...so I decided to push our date back to getting the house a little longer so that we didn't have to 1) miss our marriage retreat & 2) pay more in prorated rent. and I will still have a few days to get everything taken care of. Im not happy that we are stuck paying that much, however it would be just as much to live in a hotel, then we would have to pay for storage && food to eat out all the time. It sucks, but its okay, everything is going to work out for the best. Im also really excited because we can now get a puppy:) Justin says nooo way, but we will see:)
It really seems like everything is falling into place..and I couldn't be happier! Plus if I get a puppy & start school...which seems like I may be going to Ashford...buttt Idk for sure....I will be so busy that I would be freaking out about not being pregnant...Im starting to realize it will happen in time, and as much as I want it...its OK thats it not happening yet. When God wants me to have my amazing child...he will bless us:) Until then, I need to get started on college & hopefully a puppy! haha.
Wellllllll just wanted to share my great news:)
It really seems like everything is falling into place..and I couldn't be happier! Plus if I get a puppy & start school...which seems like I may be going to Ashford...buttt Idk for sure....I will be so busy that I would be freaking out about not being pregnant...Im starting to realize it will happen in time, and as much as I want it...its OK thats it not happening yet. When God wants me to have my amazing child...he will bless us:) Until then, I need to get started on college & hopefully a puppy! haha.
Wellllllll just wanted to share my great news:)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Different Answers
I was thinking about how I talk to different people, and its quite funny actually.
If your like me you have different answers to the question 'how are you doing'.
When your talking to your friends who have it all and are totally happy in life, you tell them your GREAT. & you tell them all the great things that are happening in your life. You don't dare tell them the truth, why so they can think 'ha my life is even better then I thought'. No no no, I let them think everything is perfect!
When your talking to someone random that you don't talk to very often, you will either say good or great, depending on how their doing in their life, if things are great for them right now-you tell them your great. If thinks are going pretty bad, you tell them the truth 'yeah thinks are ugly for me right now too' and then you can connect on that level.
When your talking to someone that has went through what you are currently going through, somedays you don't want to talk so you will go ahead and tell them your going alright...because you know the will know if you say your GREAT. Somedays you will let them know how your REALLY doing, because you know they will be able to actually help you.
Your senstive friend-they might not have a clue how your feeling, but somehow they always know the right things to say, and are such great listeners. You usually tell them the flat out truth-look Im depressed as hell, and I can't pull myself out.
Its the same when you tell someone your pregnant ((WELL IT SHOULD BE)). Like when I told everyone this time, I told everyone in a different way...the people I knew were trying for a while, just miscarried or can't have kids "hey I just wanted to let you know Im pregnant"...to your friends who got pregnant on the first try, or already have kids, or who aren't going to give a shit if your pregnant or not its "IM PREGNANT:)". I was reading a blog about this actually, and its funny a lot of women don't even think to be senstive to your infertile friend, or your friend over there that doesn't have a problem getting pregnant, its staying pregnant. But I suppose how would you know what they felt if you never went through it. I mean if you follow my blogs, and talk to me, you should have learned by now. haha...but what about those people in world that dont have friends like me. A lot of times being infertile isn't something that girls will broadcast, some people thing its a very private matter...while others thing that if I'm stuck dealing with this your going to hear bout it...((haha that would be me!)).
It just amazes me that I feel like I can't fully be myself around certain people, I should be able to tell EVERYONE the truth about how Im feeling, and not feel like Im going to be judged. We all have bad days, and everyone goes through things in their lives that they are going to be upset about...so why do we feel like we are being judged about it. I understand what I have went through in my life, is NOTHING compared to the things other people have went through, but that doesn't mean I should be happy go lucky alllll the time. Even though I feel like I have to.
The saddest thing is people are reading this thinking, why does she feel like she can't be herself, well here is why...because I listen to the things people say, and they stay with me. If I've ever heard to talk bad about someones problems, esp if I go through the same thing later...of course I am going to be like ooookay note to self, don't talk to that her, she will be judging you.
If your like me you have different answers to the question 'how are you doing'.
When your talking to your friends who have it all and are totally happy in life, you tell them your GREAT. & you tell them all the great things that are happening in your life. You don't dare tell them the truth, why so they can think 'ha my life is even better then I thought'. No no no, I let them think everything is perfect!
When your talking to someone random that you don't talk to very often, you will either say good or great, depending on how their doing in their life, if things are great for them right now-you tell them your great. If thinks are going pretty bad, you tell them the truth 'yeah thinks are ugly for me right now too' and then you can connect on that level.
When your talking to someone that has went through what you are currently going through, somedays you don't want to talk so you will go ahead and tell them your going alright...because you know the will know if you say your GREAT. Somedays you will let them know how your REALLY doing, because you know they will be able to actually help you.
Your senstive friend-they might not have a clue how your feeling, but somehow they always know the right things to say, and are such great listeners. You usually tell them the flat out truth-look Im depressed as hell, and I can't pull myself out.
Its the same when you tell someone your pregnant ((WELL IT SHOULD BE)). Like when I told everyone this time, I told everyone in a different way...the people I knew were trying for a while, just miscarried or can't have kids "hey I just wanted to let you know Im pregnant"...to your friends who got pregnant on the first try, or already have kids, or who aren't going to give a shit if your pregnant or not its "IM PREGNANT:)". I was reading a blog about this actually, and its funny a lot of women don't even think to be senstive to your infertile friend, or your friend over there that doesn't have a problem getting pregnant, its staying pregnant. But I suppose how would you know what they felt if you never went through it. I mean if you follow my blogs, and talk to me, you should have learned by now. haha...but what about those people in world that dont have friends like me. A lot of times being infertile isn't something that girls will broadcast, some people thing its a very private matter...while others thing that if I'm stuck dealing with this your going to hear bout it...((haha that would be me!)).
It just amazes me that I feel like I can't fully be myself around certain people, I should be able to tell EVERYONE the truth about how Im feeling, and not feel like Im going to be judged. We all have bad days, and everyone goes through things in their lives that they are going to be upset about...so why do we feel like we are being judged about it. I understand what I have went through in my life, is NOTHING compared to the things other people have went through, but that doesn't mean I should be happy go lucky alllll the time. Even though I feel like I have to.
The saddest thing is people are reading this thinking, why does she feel like she can't be herself, well here is why...because I listen to the things people say, and they stay with me. If I've ever heard to talk bad about someones problems, esp if I go through the same thing later...of course I am going to be like ooookay note to self, don't talk to that her, she will be judging you.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Friends are forever?
So as some of you know, Im moving in a weeeeeek. Im suppposed to be cleaning right now...and going on post to find boxs..but I am taking a break! ((slacking pretty much haha)). I just started REALLY packing yesterday, and have gotten a lot done so far. My kitchen is almost completely done, and I started to clean it today.. I never realized how dirty it was haha. Oh well, at least I will know what to clean when I move into my **NEW** apartment!!! ahh I am very excited..I thought my year mark would NEVER come haha..even though looking back this year flew by.
On March 3rd it will be a year since we got to Ft. Bliss..so much as happened this past year. I have met soooo many wives, and sooo many of came & gone. They say you meet everyone for a reason, Im starting to understand all of those reasons...even people I only met one time made an impact on me. Each day I feel like Im realizing more & more what TRUE friendship means, and Im even more thankful for the true friends I do have. Latley I have been having a LOT of fun..Justin & I have been hanging out with other couples, guys from his unit that he alreayd works with & Im starting to hang out with thier wifes..they are all so sweet & its been so much fun! and its even better they are in the unit. :) These girls aer so much fun, and the best part is I never have to question if they are talking shit about me once I leave. Im starting to realize more & more that a friend isn't someone that hangs out with you, and is nice to your face, but someone that stays a friend when your back is turned. Everyone used to say in high school that boyfriends come & go but friends are forever...that couldn't be father from the truth in my life. I heard a quote once "You don't go to high school to find your husband, you go to find your bridesmaids". I met my husband, and ONE of my bridesmaids there..the others were family, a friend friend from work & a girl I hardly knew that filled in for someone else. A lot of people feel like they would rather have a couple really close friends then a big group of friends...I feel like this, if I had a couple of girls who were REAL friends, didn't talk shit about me when I left, that would be great. But if they are going to talk about me, Id rather have a big group of REAL friends that I may not be super close to..because I have my best friend, and she doesn't need to be replaced (not that anyone ever could haha). What is the point of being friends with someone if you worry, or know even, that the min you leave something will be said about you. My fav is when people are like 'no I never talk about you'....and everyone is sitting there like oh you don't? because I've heard you say this, this AND this about her. Maybe, we should start busting people out, maybe that would shut them up. haha. But then again maybe thats just part of being a girl? Idk though, I also don't think a friendship should be such hard work. Friends should just be able to have fun together, not worrying about the other one judging them. Like with Sandra, haha I don't worry about that AT ALL why? Because I know if I do something stupid, shes going to tell me...hey your an idiot. But really, who has to WORK to be friends with someone? Shouldn't it just be easy? & who needs to try and impress thier friends, not me..yo if you don't like me for me...just start walking because I am NOTTTT going to change for you. I recently started doing things for myself...and its been a blast. & I have been having fun! Go ahead & judge, because I really don't care anymore!
Pregnancy? I have spend since last April preparing myself to get pregnant, doing everything I can & praying every month it will happen. Now mind you, I didn't get pregnant till Dec, BUTT my periods weren't even regular until Sept/Oct, and I didn't even ovulate till Aug ((while Justin was at Ft. Polk)), so I really didn't have a chance to get pregnant till then....and then I was pregnant by December, so it really didn't take that long. HOWEVER...I was till preparing myself..and doing all this nonsense..and then I finallllllly get pregnant & lose the baby. I've decided, I will deff keep trying, because this miscarriage isn't going to break me. But Im over obessing about it. I will have sex when I oulvate, because of course I will never get pregnant if I don't..but there will be no more trying to save the sperm, having sex like crazy the week I am fertile...I will have sex when I want to, and do what I want. Of course I will keep taking my prenatals because I understand how important it is...I will never drink if I am apporching my fertile point, and will not drink till after my period comes...which gives me about 2weeks a month I can have a drink. But I ruse to let this run my life..I should be enjoying my time with my husband. Because we have time! So for now, I will enjoy all the great things about the fact that I am NOT pregnant...such as, I don't have to get up at any set them, I can go to bed late & sleep in late. I can pick up & go anywhere. If Justin & I want to go on a date, we can go! When we go to an event, I can relax knowning that I don't have a child to cater too...while I can't waittttttt to be a mom, and I would give *ANYTHING* to have it now...I also realize, there are pros! Which I think is helping me realize that it is OK that we aren't going to be parents yet. Someday, we will get our chance, and it will be nothing less then fablous..but for now...I am OK!:)
I think I am done...but Im going to leave on this note.
If you judge someone, you have no time to love them. Think about that next time you meet someone. I used to judge everyone right off the bat, and then it made it harder to get to know & love them. Now that I skip the judging part, I can go right to the loving them part!:)
On March 3rd it will be a year since we got to Ft. Bliss..so much as happened this past year. I have met soooo many wives, and sooo many of came & gone. They say you meet everyone for a reason, Im starting to understand all of those reasons...even people I only met one time made an impact on me. Each day I feel like Im realizing more & more what TRUE friendship means, and Im even more thankful for the true friends I do have. Latley I have been having a LOT of fun..Justin & I have been hanging out with other couples, guys from his unit that he alreayd works with & Im starting to hang out with thier wifes..they are all so sweet & its been so much fun! and its even better they are in the unit. :) These girls aer so much fun, and the best part is I never have to question if they are talking shit about me once I leave. Im starting to realize more & more that a friend isn't someone that hangs out with you, and is nice to your face, but someone that stays a friend when your back is turned. Everyone used to say in high school that boyfriends come & go but friends are forever...that couldn't be father from the truth in my life. I heard a quote once "You don't go to high school to find your husband, you go to find your bridesmaids". I met my husband, and ONE of my bridesmaids there..the others were family, a friend friend from work & a girl I hardly knew that filled in for someone else. A lot of people feel like they would rather have a couple really close friends then a big group of friends...I feel like this, if I had a couple of girls who were REAL friends, didn't talk shit about me when I left, that would be great. But if they are going to talk about me, Id rather have a big group of REAL friends that I may not be super close to..because I have my best friend, and she doesn't need to be replaced (not that anyone ever could haha). What is the point of being friends with someone if you worry, or know even, that the min you leave something will be said about you. My fav is when people are like 'no I never talk about you'....and everyone is sitting there like oh you don't? because I've heard you say this, this AND this about her. Maybe, we should start busting people out, maybe that would shut them up. haha. But then again maybe thats just part of being a girl? Idk though, I also don't think a friendship should be such hard work. Friends should just be able to have fun together, not worrying about the other one judging them. Like with Sandra, haha I don't worry about that AT ALL why? Because I know if I do something stupid, shes going to tell me...hey your an idiot. But really, who has to WORK to be friends with someone? Shouldn't it just be easy? & who needs to try and impress thier friends, not me..yo if you don't like me for me...just start walking because I am NOTTTT going to change for you. I recently started doing things for myself...and its been a blast. & I have been having fun! Go ahead & judge, because I really don't care anymore!
Pregnancy? I have spend since last April preparing myself to get pregnant, doing everything I can & praying every month it will happen. Now mind you, I didn't get pregnant till Dec, BUTT my periods weren't even regular until Sept/Oct, and I didn't even ovulate till Aug ((while Justin was at Ft. Polk)), so I really didn't have a chance to get pregnant till then....and then I was pregnant by December, so it really didn't take that long. HOWEVER...I was till preparing myself..and doing all this nonsense..and then I finallllllly get pregnant & lose the baby. I've decided, I will deff keep trying, because this miscarriage isn't going to break me. But Im over obessing about it. I will have sex when I oulvate, because of course I will never get pregnant if I don't..but there will be no more trying to save the sperm, having sex like crazy the week I am fertile...I will have sex when I want to, and do what I want. Of course I will keep taking my prenatals because I understand how important it is...I will never drink if I am apporching my fertile point, and will not drink till after my period comes...which gives me about 2weeks a month I can have a drink. But I ruse to let this run my life..I should be enjoying my time with my husband. Because we have time! So for now, I will enjoy all the great things about the fact that I am NOT pregnant...such as, I don't have to get up at any set them, I can go to bed late & sleep in late. I can pick up & go anywhere. If Justin & I want to go on a date, we can go! When we go to an event, I can relax knowning that I don't have a child to cater too...while I can't waittttttt to be a mom, and I would give *ANYTHING* to have it now...I also realize, there are pros! Which I think is helping me realize that it is OK that we aren't going to be parents yet. Someday, we will get our chance, and it will be nothing less then fablous..but for now...I am OK!:)
I think I am done...but Im going to leave on this note.
If you judge someone, you have no time to love them. Think about that next time you meet someone. I used to judge everyone right off the bat, and then it made it harder to get to know & love them. Now that I skip the judging part, I can go right to the loving them part!:)
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Thank God For The Little Things!
Lately things have been going really awesome **KNOCK ON WOOD** haha. Yesterday was Valentines day and my amazing husband got me an adroable balloon, a dozen red & white roses, a huge boxs of chocs & a super cute card. Then he cooked me an amazing meal (We didn't dare try to go out on vday). Yesterday I also had my doctors appointment, and I loved my doctor, she was so sweet. And then of course because this IS the army, they transfered me over to a new doctor on Biggs (where my husband works), so now I have to go to another doctor... buts its okay.. but she told me basically 2 miscarriage is normal ((which I know)), and that if I keep losing the babies before 12weeks there is nothing they can do about it, which breaks my heart..but I just have to pray that doesn't happen. But she sent me get some blood work done, which I did today, and I have to make my follow up appointment (they wouldn't go out that far today) for 2weeks, where I will get my results. Then we will see what happens from there! I don't know why but I feel sooo hopeful! Im pretty much praying that nothing is wrong, and its just something that runs in the family, and then my next pregnancy will be great. You are really fertile after miscarriage, and I got my first period, so I am cleared to start trying again. So I guess we shall see what happens:) So far it looks like my periods will be regular and beautifuly 28days, so we shall see!
Today Jena & Jess went with me to the PX to pick out some new make up, because I am trying this new thing where I do my make up, and hair everyday. Its been going great, I feel so much prettier! I have been doing my hair (which I only have to do actually do it every couple days) everyday for over a week. Well I should say Ive been keeping it straightened. But I apperciate the girls considering almost EVERYTHING they picked up I told them no because it was too expensive! haha. But we ended up working it out so that I got everything I needed for a good price:) Then we went back to Jenas & the girls did my make up! It ended up being soo pretty!!!!:)))) Now I just have to hope that I can do it myself haha...but pratice makes perfect!!
Right now I am getting sooo nervous, we are about to move into another apartment, and after living here a year, I am deff terrifed to move to another place because I don't want to have the same problems. The bad thing- I didn't go much looking till recently, and I have found nothing that I am in love with except high vista. The ONLY think I dont like about our new apartment is that its going to be tinyyy. But, I have been looking and lots of apartments that are in the price range that I want to pay, have the same sq feet. I am just thinking of all the money I am going to save. Because I am going to save $105 in rent alone. And then about $24 dollars a month for laundry...well we pay that here but its more over there $0.50 a load more..but we will be saving $24 of what we were already paying because JENAAA loves me & lives on post so shes letting us do our laundry over there!!!:) THANKS LOVE. And then if we just go with basic cable, which seems to be the best idea...we will go from paying $101 a month to like $45 or something....sooo thats even more money. But I am thinking all the money we save I will add up & put into savings every month, since we are used to spending it anyways. So I am thinking saving all that money, for a smaller apartment is deff worth it. Plus I have a few friends that live there, so that will be awesome. & I think its closer to post, or the same distance (but I think closer)...and then I will actually be able to swim in my pool because it won't be gross haha...andddd I will live downstairs, so noooo more carrying crap up and down stairs, woo hoo!:) Like I said the only thing I am really worried about is how small it is, but I think it will be worth it!:) So now in 2weeks, I will be out of this crap hole, and on to something better! And hopefully after my 6months is up housing will be like here you go..heres a beautiful house for you! And hopefully I am pregnant too...but who really knows!
Enough typing, Im going to go<3
Today Jena & Jess went with me to the PX to pick out some new make up, because I am trying this new thing where I do my make up, and hair everyday. Its been going great, I feel so much prettier! I have been doing my hair (which I only have to do actually do it every couple days) everyday for over a week. Well I should say Ive been keeping it straightened. But I apperciate the girls considering almost EVERYTHING they picked up I told them no because it was too expensive! haha. But we ended up working it out so that I got everything I needed for a good price:) Then we went back to Jenas & the girls did my make up! It ended up being soo pretty!!!!:)))) Now I just have to hope that I can do it myself haha...but pratice makes perfect!!
Right now I am getting sooo nervous, we are about to move into another apartment, and after living here a year, I am deff terrifed to move to another place because I don't want to have the same problems. The bad thing- I didn't go much looking till recently, and I have found nothing that I am in love with except high vista. The ONLY think I dont like about our new apartment is that its going to be tinyyy. But, I have been looking and lots of apartments that are in the price range that I want to pay, have the same sq feet. I am just thinking of all the money I am going to save. Because I am going to save $105 in rent alone. And then about $24 dollars a month for laundry...well we pay that here but its more over there $0.50 a load more..but we will be saving $24 of what we were already paying because JENAAA loves me & lives on post so shes letting us do our laundry over there!!!:) THANKS LOVE. And then if we just go with basic cable, which seems to be the best idea...we will go from paying $101 a month to like $45 or something....sooo thats even more money. But I am thinking all the money we save I will add up & put into savings every month, since we are used to spending it anyways. So I am thinking saving all that money, for a smaller apartment is deff worth it. Plus I have a few friends that live there, so that will be awesome. & I think its closer to post, or the same distance (but I think closer)...and then I will actually be able to swim in my pool because it won't be gross haha...andddd I will live downstairs, so noooo more carrying crap up and down stairs, woo hoo!:) Like I said the only thing I am really worried about is how small it is, but I think it will be worth it!:) So now in 2weeks, I will be out of this crap hole, and on to something better! And hopefully after my 6months is up housing will be like here you go..heres a beautiful house for you! And hopefully I am pregnant too...but who really knows!
Enough typing, Im going to go<3
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Friends come and go but the memorys last forever
Today I want to blog about friends...
Its amazing to me how friends come & go so quickly in our lives. I notice a lot of times you hear about the friends you lose from drama, & what not. But what about the friends that quickly slip out of your reach for maybe no reason at all...you simply lose touch with them. When you see them you may say hey, how are you...& you may still care about them but for some reason you just lose touch, and they are gone. When this happens to me I always ask myself why. I have soo many friends that I dont talk to very often, but when I do talk to them I know are still friends, I dont even have to second guess if they still want to remain friends, I just know. Just because we don't talk everyday doesn't mean we aren't friends. But here in El Paso its so much different, if you don't talk to someone for a while you start to wonder, are we still friends, does she hate me now, is she talking shit. Its crazy how you can go from being really close to someone to just running into them & getting no more then a hey out of them. I do know that I am really thankful for all those friends I can just pick up & start talking to, thats when you know you have real friends.
Im starting to miss home more & more these days. I'm starting to wish we could just pack up & go back home...even though I know if I were to move back there I would miss El Paso so much...funny how that works. If I could just pick a few people and make them move here life would be pretty freaking great.
I watched the last 4 eposides of army wives season 4 tonight, just so I can get caught up again before the premire...and they were talking about Pamela moving away, and how Roxie was feeling about it (they are best friends), I couldn't help but think that one day one of my close friends from here is going to move. I have already had two friends move away, and its not easy. I have had a long distance relationship with Sandra for a while now-actually she moved away from me in Nov of 09 and we have been long distance ever since. Plus the times before when she moved away to Iowa just because. Its really hard to keep up with long distance relationships, but we make it work! It just makes me wonder, if everyone moved away, or if I moved away, would we remain friends? Or okay, would we remain close friends? With a few friends husbands coming home its time to make choices on weather to PCS or not...Its pretty heart breaking for me, because I just got her a year ago, so I know we won't be leaving...and then theres possiblies of my friends leaving. I know its army life, but I guess I didn't count on getting this close to people. I also didn't count on getting this close to people, going as far as calling them a possible el paso best friend, and then suddenly something happening and you losing touch. Its kind of a tough pill to swallow, however-it reminds me of this quote Im not exactly sure how it goes but something like People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Since moving to el paso, I can name a lot of people that have came & gone & even point out the reasons.
Moving on to something new..
Yep, still depressed. I'm trying to act happy, but its just not working. My period came yesterday, which just reminded me of the miscarriage of course. It is a good thing though, because that means my period will hopefully get back on track to where it needs to be. Which means maybe I can get pregnant & it won't take that long...who really knows though. I'm really looking forward to my appointment on Monday-I feel like I have so many damn questions. I hope they don't ask if Im depressed, Im not really sure how to answer that. I suppose I should tell the doctor the only thing I am depressed about is this miscarriages. Lately, even though I have been doing things, all I really want to do is sit on the couch & cuddle with Justin...who hasn't been around much lately (work), or sleep. Ive been on facebook a lot just to pass the time, which I must say doesn't help..considering everyone is pregnant. and many of them are on thier 2nd child before I even got my first. Im seeing some postives to all the time its taking to get pregnant, like how huge my savings account will be by the time I finally get my blessing, which means my child won't have to go without at all..and how I am going to apperciate everything 100times more then other mothers do. Everytime I think I'm doing better I am slapped in the face by something new. Im trying to care about other pregnancys, but I dont. I'm trying to be supportive, loving & caring...but its all fake. Sooner or later I WILL snap out of this. I keep telling myself that, and it seems to be helping me get through the day. The past two days have been horrible because my bleeding has been pretty bad, to the point where I almost passed out in the shower, and I am so tired I can bearly function-even after a lot of hours of sleep. I can't eat much, I feel like Im going to throw up, and I feel quizy all the time. I know this too shall pass....but in the mean time it fucking sucks. Well, I have stayed up waiting for Justin to get off the game for too long...so now I am going to say fuck it & go to bed...
Its amazing to me how friends come & go so quickly in our lives. I notice a lot of times you hear about the friends you lose from drama, & what not. But what about the friends that quickly slip out of your reach for maybe no reason at all...you simply lose touch with them. When you see them you may say hey, how are you...& you may still care about them but for some reason you just lose touch, and they are gone. When this happens to me I always ask myself why. I have soo many friends that I dont talk to very often, but when I do talk to them I know are still friends, I dont even have to second guess if they still want to remain friends, I just know. Just because we don't talk everyday doesn't mean we aren't friends. But here in El Paso its so much different, if you don't talk to someone for a while you start to wonder, are we still friends, does she hate me now, is she talking shit. Its crazy how you can go from being really close to someone to just running into them & getting no more then a hey out of them. I do know that I am really thankful for all those friends I can just pick up & start talking to, thats when you know you have real friends.
Im starting to miss home more & more these days. I'm starting to wish we could just pack up & go back home...even though I know if I were to move back there I would miss El Paso so much...funny how that works. If I could just pick a few people and make them move here life would be pretty freaking great.
I watched the last 4 eposides of army wives season 4 tonight, just so I can get caught up again before the premire...and they were talking about Pamela moving away, and how Roxie was feeling about it (they are best friends), I couldn't help but think that one day one of my close friends from here is going to move. I have already had two friends move away, and its not easy. I have had a long distance relationship with Sandra for a while now-actually she moved away from me in Nov of 09 and we have been long distance ever since. Plus the times before when she moved away to Iowa just because. Its really hard to keep up with long distance relationships, but we make it work! It just makes me wonder, if everyone moved away, or if I moved away, would we remain friends? Or okay, would we remain close friends? With a few friends husbands coming home its time to make choices on weather to PCS or not...Its pretty heart breaking for me, because I just got her a year ago, so I know we won't be leaving...and then theres possiblies of my friends leaving. I know its army life, but I guess I didn't count on getting this close to people. I also didn't count on getting this close to people, going as far as calling them a possible el paso best friend, and then suddenly something happening and you losing touch. Its kind of a tough pill to swallow, however-it reminds me of this quote Im not exactly sure how it goes but something like People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Since moving to el paso, I can name a lot of people that have came & gone & even point out the reasons.
Moving on to something new..
Yep, still depressed. I'm trying to act happy, but its just not working. My period came yesterday, which just reminded me of the miscarriage of course. It is a good thing though, because that means my period will hopefully get back on track to where it needs to be. Which means maybe I can get pregnant & it won't take that long...who really knows though. I'm really looking forward to my appointment on Monday-I feel like I have so many damn questions. I hope they don't ask if Im depressed, Im not really sure how to answer that. I suppose I should tell the doctor the only thing I am depressed about is this miscarriages. Lately, even though I have been doing things, all I really want to do is sit on the couch & cuddle with Justin...who hasn't been around much lately (work), or sleep. Ive been on facebook a lot just to pass the time, which I must say doesn't help..considering everyone is pregnant. and many of them are on thier 2nd child before I even got my first. Im seeing some postives to all the time its taking to get pregnant, like how huge my savings account will be by the time I finally get my blessing, which means my child won't have to go without at all..and how I am going to apperciate everything 100times more then other mothers do. Everytime I think I'm doing better I am slapped in the face by something new. Im trying to care about other pregnancys, but I dont. I'm trying to be supportive, loving & caring...but its all fake. Sooner or later I WILL snap out of this. I keep telling myself that, and it seems to be helping me get through the day. The past two days have been horrible because my bleeding has been pretty bad, to the point where I almost passed out in the shower, and I am so tired I can bearly function-even after a lot of hours of sleep. I can't eat much, I feel like Im going to throw up, and I feel quizy all the time. I know this too shall pass....but in the mean time it fucking sucks. Well, I have stayed up waiting for Justin to get off the game for too long...so now I am going to say fuck it & go to bed...
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Just writing
Today has been a great day so far! Paxton got here around 11, I think...and as usual he started playing on his mat that he loves so much, and ended up falling asleep, around 12:30 it was time to eat, and then change his diaper, like usual:)...then of course we play for a little bit, and then its nap time again. Right now hes just napping:) and soon he will wake up & need a diaper change & to eat....shortly after that mom or dad will be here to pick him up! I haven't had a day alone (minus Paxton, because hes easy) for quite some time. So its been really relaxing to just sit & watch tv..I caught up on my biggest loser! I do have some stuff I should be doing, but ehh what the heck, laying around seems like much more fun! Justin was supposed to go to the feild today and not come back till Friday evening, but that got cancelled YAY:) Thats always a wonderful surprise haha.
I think Im getting my period finally, after the miscarriage...its due next week sometime (well if it came a month after) so thats pretty exciting because that means my body will be back on track! I starting spotting last night and a thiny little bit this morning ...so mabye its coming. Who really knows...guess I get to sit around & wait.
I am sooo excited because we are getting taxs back on the 18th!!!!:))) We are going to put 3months extra down on the car:) and I always paid $50 extra every month! I just wish I could figure out if I paid a certain amount every month how long it would take to pay off! Maybe someday I'll come acrossed my answer...if not, I will keep keep paying my extra, knowing that I am deff saving on interest, and getting closer to the end:) Its just crazy to think that we started with a 5 year plan...and that its only been a year. We deff will not be getting another car with a lease till we are done with this one...so hopefully we can do that ASAP!:) Justin is also getting new boots (booooo) and new shoes for work with taxs....and then Im getting Sandra her babyshower gift:) && then the rest is going to into savings...which is going to put give us a lot more in savings...yay! When I think about it I get soo excitedddd!:) haha. Anyone that knows me well knows Im a bit money obessed, n having a savings means a lot to me! So watching ours build the last few months has been amazing!:)
So Me & my besttt friend were talking the other day, and we obviously live two VERY different lifes. We are both married & both have husbands in the army, we are from the same place, and have been best friends for years. But our lifes are totally different, shes going through her first deployment, and moved home for her. Shes has a 1 year old AMAZING little boy, and is pregnant with her little girl. I am married, and dealing with the whole TTC thing, Ive had two miscarriages, and want nothing more then to have a baby. But we were talking about how crazy it is that EVERYTHING in your life can be soooo perfect, and we can be SOO HAPPY, but we have that ONE thing that really takes a toll on us....and its just so crazy to thing that your life can be so amazing, and you can be so happy but one thing is holding you back from being 100000% happy. But I also think that you as hard is it is, I should realize that I am TRULY blessed, and so what if I haven't had a baby yet, I AM still young, and I DO have time....and I am so blessed to have an amazing husband that I am so in love with , great friends, THE BEST BEST FRIEND, amazing family, a roof over my head, money in the bank, husband has a steady job ..I just have so much going for me..how I can be depressed about one thing! It always takes me to the serenity prayer.<3
Thats all for now<3
I think Im getting my period finally, after the miscarriage...its due next week sometime (well if it came a month after) so thats pretty exciting because that means my body will be back on track! I starting spotting last night and a thiny little bit this morning ...so mabye its coming. Who really knows...guess I get to sit around & wait.
I am sooo excited because we are getting taxs back on the 18th!!!!:))) We are going to put 3months extra down on the car:) and I always paid $50 extra every month! I just wish I could figure out if I paid a certain amount every month how long it would take to pay off! Maybe someday I'll come acrossed my answer...if not, I will keep keep paying my extra, knowing that I am deff saving on interest, and getting closer to the end:) Its just crazy to think that we started with a 5 year plan...and that its only been a year. We deff will not be getting another car with a lease till we are done with this one...so hopefully we can do that ASAP!:) Justin is also getting new boots (booooo) and new shoes for work with taxs....and then Im getting Sandra her babyshower gift:) && then the rest is going to into savings...which is going to put give us a lot more in savings...yay! When I think about it I get soo excitedddd!:) haha. Anyone that knows me well knows Im a bit money obessed, n having a savings means a lot to me! So watching ours build the last few months has been amazing!:)
So Me & my besttt friend were talking the other day, and we obviously live two VERY different lifes. We are both married & both have husbands in the army, we are from the same place, and have been best friends for years. But our lifes are totally different, shes going through her first deployment, and moved home for her. Shes has a 1 year old AMAZING little boy, and is pregnant with her little girl. I am married, and dealing with the whole TTC thing, Ive had two miscarriages, and want nothing more then to have a baby. But we were talking about how crazy it is that EVERYTHING in your life can be soooo perfect, and we can be SOO HAPPY, but we have that ONE thing that really takes a toll on us....and its just so crazy to thing that your life can be so amazing, and you can be so happy but one thing is holding you back from being 100000% happy. But I also think that you as hard is it is, I should realize that I am TRULY blessed, and so what if I haven't had a baby yet, I AM still young, and I DO have time....and I am so blessed to have an amazing husband that I am so in love with , great friends, THE BEST BEST FRIEND, amazing family, a roof over my head, money in the bank, husband has a steady job ..I just have so much going for me..how I can be depressed about one thing! It always takes me to the serenity prayer.<3
Thats all for now<3
Monday, February 7, 2011
There are good people in the world
YOU JUST HAVE TO LOOK FOR THEM!:)
First off- Thanks Amber, your blog with that line made we want to write this blog!:)
You know, I have learned A LOTTTTT since moving to good ol el paso, Ive met the worst people in the world, but I have also met some really amazing people. Ive learned what its like to be a 2faced bitch...and I have been one....And I AM SO SORRY TIMES A THOUSAND TO THOSE PEOPLE. I was selfish and rude...and not one of you deserved it. I was also on the side where I had people talking horribly about me..but you know everyone comes into our lives for reasons. And as much pain as it was for all involved...I think we all learned from it, and it changed us in some way or another. But through the bullshit, and pain-we learned who our TRUE friends are, we learned we don't want to be two-faced...we learned all these amazing things. and I now have these AMAZING friends...that I wouldn't trade for the world. ((BUT SANDRA IS STILL #1..haha)). Its just crazy how so much can happen to a friendship in the blink of an eye. I have had people come and go the whole year I have been here, and some of them I miss, some of them-I realize why they were in my life. Some of them will never know how sorry I am for the shit that happen.<3 BUT THANK YOU TO EVERYONE because I have learned soooo much, and grown up!
I have had so many people be there for me durning these hard times...and I just can't believe how unselfish my friends are. I am mean, and hurtful, and I yell A LOT & I get nothing but love in return. I have friends who are pregnant, going OUT OF THEIR WAY not to hurt me....Talk about amazing.
Plus all the storys of the people who go out to eat and someone pays for thier meal, buys them drinks at the bar, trys to hand them money. Its just truly amazing. There are so many unselfish people out in the world, I just wish I could be that amazingly unselfish.
<3Then theres SANDRA. We have had the roughest patch of ANYONE. But we some how were able to pick up the broken peices and move forward. And I couldn't be happier that we did. Shes been there for me for EVERYTHING. She lets me call her cryinggggg, yelling, venting....and she tells me the TRUTH. You know your a best friend when you can look your friend in the eye and say "have you gained weight" LMAO. Which btw the scale said no...but my stomach is saying YES haha. I didn't realize till I put a shirt on yesterday, Im like damn where did this come from? hahhahaha...Sandra McGowan, you ARE the best friend ever. Thank you for everythingggggg....<3 I love you like a fat kid loves cake! hahha.
<3
First off- Thanks Amber, your blog with that line made we want to write this blog!:)
You know, I have learned A LOTTTTT since moving to good ol el paso, Ive met the worst people in the world, but I have also met some really amazing people. Ive learned what its like to be a 2faced bitch...and I have been one....And I AM SO SORRY TIMES A THOUSAND TO THOSE PEOPLE. I was selfish and rude...and not one of you deserved it. I was also on the side where I had people talking horribly about me..but you know everyone comes into our lives for reasons. And as much pain as it was for all involved...I think we all learned from it, and it changed us in some way or another. But through the bullshit, and pain-we learned who our TRUE friends are, we learned we don't want to be two-faced...we learned all these amazing things. and I now have these AMAZING friends...that I wouldn't trade for the world. ((BUT SANDRA IS STILL #1..haha)). Its just crazy how so much can happen to a friendship in the blink of an eye. I have had people come and go the whole year I have been here, and some of them I miss, some of them-I realize why they were in my life. Some of them will never know how sorry I am for the shit that happen.<3 BUT THANK YOU TO EVERYONE because I have learned soooo much, and grown up!
I have had so many people be there for me durning these hard times...and I just can't believe how unselfish my friends are. I am mean, and hurtful, and I yell A LOT & I get nothing but love in return. I have friends who are pregnant, going OUT OF THEIR WAY not to hurt me....Talk about amazing.
Plus all the storys of the people who go out to eat and someone pays for thier meal, buys them drinks at the bar, trys to hand them money. Its just truly amazing. There are so many unselfish people out in the world, I just wish I could be that amazingly unselfish.
<3Then theres SANDRA. We have had the roughest patch of ANYONE. But we some how were able to pick up the broken peices and move forward. And I couldn't be happier that we did. Shes been there for me for EVERYTHING. She lets me call her cryinggggg, yelling, venting....and she tells me the TRUTH. You know your a best friend when you can look your friend in the eye and say "have you gained weight" LMAO. Which btw the scale said no...but my stomach is saying YES haha. I didn't realize till I put a shirt on yesterday, Im like damn where did this come from? hahhahaha...Sandra McGowan, you ARE the best friend ever. Thank you for everythingggggg....<3 I love you like a fat kid loves cake! hahha.
<3
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Somedayyyyyy I won't feel like this anymore.
Yeah, all of my blogs lately have been depressing, and heres the deal-if you don't like it, don't fucking read them. I realllllly don't give a FUCK.
I feel like everyone is pregnant around me. And they want to talk to me about it. If your telling me that your pregnant, awesome, Im REALLY happy for you, and Im glad you told me! But theres no need to talk to ME about it after that. Give me a little time I mean shit. I don't mean to be a bitch, but I just don't want to hear it. I know that you have a bunch of other people that you can talk to. So when I say "hey hows it going" you feel like hell because your pregnant, your CORRECT response is "Im good how are you" theres no need to point out that your sick. or what have you been up to, oh getting ready for the baby to come-hey just lie to me. Its not that hard. tell me youve been really busy, shopping, just make something up. Seriosuly people. Be fucking senstive. I know its hard to understand if you never went through what I am going through, but Im pretty sure you have a heart. Maybe you just forget...but for the love of god people, I dont care. Pleaseeeee be senstive to me.
You sure as fuck don't know what I am going through (and if you did you wouldn't talk to me about your pregnancy). I know its really mean of me to tell people this. I know it is...but I can't help it. If you felt the way I feel inside when we talk about your pregnancy,..you would 1000000% understand. And would probably cry. And feel like the worse person in the world. TRUST ME.
Ahhhhhh. I hate feeling this this, I hate being depressed, jealous...its nottttt me. But in all fairness this is my SECOND loss....and I would have almost 4year old twins (april 20th) running around...and now I would now be pregnant with my third child. Its just not easy. Everything else in my life is amazing..and Im not even going to act like its not. But its this one thing, one big thing holding me back from having a fully happy life. And I know, I know...someday you will get your family, blah blah blah, that doesn't help me out right now. If I KNEW when I would get pregnant, and that I would deff get pregnant...it wouldn't be bad..because its like hey its going to happen this time..I could be like yesss, and no worry..I would still hurt from losing my babies, of course..that pain will never go away. But at least on top of that I wouldn't have the worry that I will never have another healty preganancy.
okayyyyy I feel better:) thanks for listening lmao.
I feel like everyone is pregnant around me. And they want to talk to me about it. If your telling me that your pregnant, awesome, Im REALLY happy for you, and Im glad you told me! But theres no need to talk to ME about it after that. Give me a little time I mean shit. I don't mean to be a bitch, but I just don't want to hear it. I know that you have a bunch of other people that you can talk to. So when I say "hey hows it going" you feel like hell because your pregnant, your CORRECT response is "Im good how are you" theres no need to point out that your sick. or what have you been up to, oh getting ready for the baby to come-hey just lie to me. Its not that hard. tell me youve been really busy, shopping, just make something up. Seriosuly people. Be fucking senstive. I know its hard to understand if you never went through what I am going through, but Im pretty sure you have a heart. Maybe you just forget...but for the love of god people, I dont care. Pleaseeeee be senstive to me.
You sure as fuck don't know what I am going through (and if you did you wouldn't talk to me about your pregnancy). I know its really mean of me to tell people this. I know it is...but I can't help it. If you felt the way I feel inside when we talk about your pregnancy,..you would 1000000% understand. And would probably cry. And feel like the worse person in the world. TRUST ME.
Ahhhhhh. I hate feeling this this, I hate being depressed, jealous...its nottttt me. But in all fairness this is my SECOND loss....and I would have almost 4year old twins (april 20th) running around...and now I would now be pregnant with my third child. Its just not easy. Everything else in my life is amazing..and Im not even going to act like its not. But its this one thing, one big thing holding me back from having a fully happy life. And I know, I know...someday you will get your family, blah blah blah, that doesn't help me out right now. If I KNEW when I would get pregnant, and that I would deff get pregnant...it wouldn't be bad..because its like hey its going to happen this time..I could be like yesss, and no worry..I would still hurt from losing my babies, of course..that pain will never go away. But at least on top of that I wouldn't have the worry that I will never have another healty preganancy.
okayyyyy I feel better:) thanks for listening lmao.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Depression, drama, loving friends-a bit of everything!
Latley, I have been super depressed. I'm not sure if its the miscarriage finally hitting home...or the drama between friends, or seeing soo many other girls going through a miscarriage, or the fact that everyone is pregnant...or what the deal. But its causing someeee depression.
Latley, there has been a lot of drama between friends, its really breaking my heart because I feel like Im put in the middle of it. But for ONCE in my life I am doing EXACTLY what I want, and not what others want. And that is staying friends with everyone that I want to be friends with. Everyone has told me you can't stay friends with both sides of friends...but I am here to prove that if I want too..Im going to do JUST that. I see both sides, and why each person involved are upset, but for onceee Im staying friends with all invloved!
I have gotten a lot closer to this girrrrl lately..JESS thats you! haha..I just want to say (again) I am so sorry for ever not liking you haha.."If you judge someone you have NOO time to love them". That quote reminds me a lot of life, but I feel like the past few weeks Ive gotten a lot closer to you, and Im really glad<3
AMBER....You know what...Im heartbroken that we spend that last few months not talking. I really am...your an amazing person. And I promise you-nothing comes in the middle of our friendship this time. I am really sorry for everything that happend over the summer...from the bottem of my heart, I am sorry. Im so glad that I brought Sandras present from you haha...because if I wouldn't have, we wouldn't be back to being friends again.
Joslyn-Though we haven't talked, and we may never talk again..I just think you should know you were right. If you wouldnt have called us ALL out for talking about people, I would be still doing what I was, I wouldn't have talked to Sam Or Jess, I would have continued to listen to the negative things that others said..and sadly, I probably would have never gotten close to Sam & Jess, I realize you didn't get along with them, and I now realize that not everyone will always get along & that REALLY is okay! Thank you for showing me I was being a shity ass person.
Okayyyy I just wanted to tell those girls something..
People come into your lives maybe for a short time or maybe for a long time, but theres always a reason. I have learned soo much about myself and about people this year, and Im glad. As much as some girls reallly hurt me, I realize that it was because of them I am who I am today. And I thank them.
You know, a wise women tellls me ALL The time (LOL) that they don't have the engery to listen to my drama, (But she always does because shes the best) so how do I have time to deal with it. And good lord SANDRA you couldn't be more right. I just want to hang out with people, and have a great time! I dont want to worry about whose talking about me, or whose talking about who...
I am so thankful for the amazing friends in my life-and I hope that the ones I have now PLEASE STAY. You guys are amazing...Each of you are great in your own ways...and I love you all<3
I grew up a lot after my last miscarriage, and I seem to already be growing up after this one. I just hope that the friends I have now stick right by my side & don't go anywhere...but if they DO leave...I will know there was a reason they came into my life.
Sometimes I feel so much better justttt writing random stuff, I really don't even care if anyone actually read its haha...just writing makes me feel A LOT better!!!
With all that being said-looks like my period is coming pretty soon, anyone who doesn't deal with infertitly doesn't understand WHY in the would I would be so happy about this...butttt if my period comes soon that means my cycle is going to stay on track, and THAT my friends is a great thing!
Alright, Im done<3
Latley, there has been a lot of drama between friends, its really breaking my heart because I feel like Im put in the middle of it. But for ONCE in my life I am doing EXACTLY what I want, and not what others want. And that is staying friends with everyone that I want to be friends with. Everyone has told me you can't stay friends with both sides of friends...but I am here to prove that if I want too..Im going to do JUST that. I see both sides, and why each person involved are upset, but for onceee Im staying friends with all invloved!
I have gotten a lot closer to this girrrrl lately..JESS thats you! haha..I just want to say (again) I am so sorry for ever not liking you haha.."If you judge someone you have NOO time to love them". That quote reminds me a lot of life, but I feel like the past few weeks Ive gotten a lot closer to you, and Im really glad<3
AMBER....You know what...Im heartbroken that we spend that last few months not talking. I really am...your an amazing person. And I promise you-nothing comes in the middle of our friendship this time. I am really sorry for everything that happend over the summer...from the bottem of my heart, I am sorry. Im so glad that I brought Sandras present from you haha...because if I wouldn't have, we wouldn't be back to being friends again.
Joslyn-Though we haven't talked, and we may never talk again..I just think you should know you were right. If you wouldnt have called us ALL out for talking about people, I would be still doing what I was, I wouldn't have talked to Sam Or Jess, I would have continued to listen to the negative things that others said..and sadly, I probably would have never gotten close to Sam & Jess, I realize you didn't get along with them, and I now realize that not everyone will always get along & that REALLY is okay! Thank you for showing me I was being a shity ass person.
Okayyyy I just wanted to tell those girls something..
People come into your lives maybe for a short time or maybe for a long time, but theres always a reason. I have learned soo much about myself and about people this year, and Im glad. As much as some girls reallly hurt me, I realize that it was because of them I am who I am today. And I thank them.
You know, a wise women tellls me ALL The time (LOL) that they don't have the engery to listen to my drama, (But she always does because shes the best) so how do I have time to deal with it. And good lord SANDRA you couldn't be more right. I just want to hang out with people, and have a great time! I dont want to worry about whose talking about me, or whose talking about who...
I am so thankful for the amazing friends in my life-and I hope that the ones I have now PLEASE STAY. You guys are amazing...Each of you are great in your own ways...and I love you all<3
I grew up a lot after my last miscarriage, and I seem to already be growing up after this one. I just hope that the friends I have now stick right by my side & don't go anywhere...but if they DO leave...I will know there was a reason they came into my life.
Sometimes I feel so much better justttt writing random stuff, I really don't even care if anyone actually read its haha...just writing makes me feel A LOT better!!!
With all that being said-looks like my period is coming pretty soon, anyone who doesn't deal with infertitly doesn't understand WHY in the would I would be so happy about this...butttt if my period comes soon that means my cycle is going to stay on track, and THAT my friends is a great thing!
Alright, Im done<3
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Somtimes we just need to vent:)
999reasonstosmile.com Its deff a great website...I saw on blissbabes to check this page out..and I am glad I did. If you are infertile, or have had diffcultys trying to concieve, you can really appericate this girls blog. For me, it lets me know I am not alone....while yes I obviously can conceive, it hasn't been an easy journey.....and obviously while I can get pregnant, I do lose the babies. I am going to share some of my the best ones....mostly to share with the world, but also so I have them to go back & re visit with!
#702 Wouldn’t it be Great to be Pregnant at the SAME time!
You’ve heard this line many times before. Wouldn’t it be just great if we got pregnant at the same time! Yes (sister-in-law, best friend, cousin Martha), it would be fantastic to be pregnant at the same time, and how would you like me to do that again?
As soon as your relative, friend, Facebook acquaintances, co-worker gets pregnant, she suddenly shares her fabulous idea that you should get pregnant at the same time. “It would be so much fun,” She squeals (while rubbing her pregnant belly). “We can take prenatal classes together and go on play dates. You better hurry up!” And it typically doesn’t matter if she knows about your infertility struggles or not. She will somehow say this anyways.
What a SUPER NEAT idea! Yes! Let’s be pregnant together! I will just head right home, take some fertility drugs, stick a transvaginal wand inside of me, remove embryos from my uterus, have a fertility lab technician wash my husband’s sperm, have some timed intercourse and then sit patiently for the next two weeks, waiting for my pregnancy test results.
Your sister-in-law, friend, co-worker and cousin Martha do have a good point. It would have been really nice to be pregnant at the same time. You have thought about this a million times before. You thought about it when dear old SIL was pregnant with baby #1, and then baby #2. You thought about it when your friend Betty-Sue was trying to conceive and got pregnant right away while you were still waiting. And no, you can’t just “hurry up and get pregnant.” If ‘hurry up’ means get pregnant within 3-10 years, you will definitely hurry it up. Next time you’re at the fertility doctor, you’ll nicely inquire if she could hurry up the ovulation, fertilization process. No problem-o!
During infertility, you can also enjoy some of the following lines (that seem to be universal):
•Just relax and it will happen.
•Why are you waiting so long?
•Why don’t you just adopt?
•I know someone (who knows someone) who adopted and then got pregnant.
•Have you tried (insert bad advice from a relative, grandma Mildred, a friend or random stranger)?
•Get drunk!
•Go on vacation and it will just happen.
•When the time is right, it will happen.
•You’re thinking about it too much.
•Stop trying.
You do agree it would be great to be pregnant at the same time as your friend but right now, you would happily settle to get pregnant at any time and any date.
I think this is my favorite one so far....
#999 You google words like "breasts sore, late period, ovulation"
Google is our best and most trustworthy friend. There has been several times when you googled all your pre-pregnancy symptoms in hopes someone in cyber space would confirm your pregnancy. If you haven’t googled your symptoms, you are not a true infertile! Your popular google searches: “ovulation, basal temperature, I nfertility, tender breasts, dark nipples, low sperm count.” You know it’s true and we won’t tell…
Lmao....I can't even count the times I have looked for google to answer my questions.
998 You have cried in a public restroom when you got your period
Yep, I am deff not going to lie this has most deff happened to me...fun stuff let me tell ya!
#994 You get mad at your partner when he is not available on ovulation days
You have been waiting for those 2 magical days a month – ovulation days! You get prepared to seduce your partner tonight, you wait for him to get home…. He calls you to say he is going out tonight with the boys. IS HE KIDDING? You have been waiting for those magical days all month – those days that give you the smallest amount of hope, and he won’t be around. I also love when he is ‘too tired.’ Too tired? Isn’t he the same guy who begged for sex while you were dating? Oh, he is having sex tonight, I’ll tell you that much.
Haha, its true...and its deff happened. While it may not be his fault, we just can't help but be mad!!
#990 You examine the toilet paper when you get your period
Wiping yourself has never been so complex! What color is it?
You always examine that toilet paper and ask yourself questions like “Is this really my period?” or “Is this just spotting?” Sometimes you’re sure that the coloring is just too pink or too brown to be your real period. Your husband might walk into the bathroom as you are wiping and inspecting – don’t bother explaining, he doesn’t really understand.
You also look for spotting prior to your period. Once, I thought I saw blood a week before my period and was very excited, until I realized that it was blood from shaving my legs.
Who can relate? Show of hands?
Quilty as charged! I also do this all month exam the shit out of my toliet paper.. I want to know if the discharge is ovulation or not---duh!
#987 It’s a weekend morning and you are looking at fertility sites!
Is this you? It’s the weekend right now and you have been looking at fertility sites for over an hour! You are on THIS site right now which means you know it’s true!
Hopefully, it’s not first thing in the morning when you should be sleeping late or getting your morning (decaf-but-wish-it-was-regular) coffee ready. Your husband is probably still in bed and you are googling all your early pregnancy symptoms. You might have all the same symptoms as some stranger on a Yahoo site but face it, the computer can’t tell you if you’re pregnant. Stop it right now! You just spent all week at work on the computer. Enjoy a stress-free weekend!
Please get off your computer, go back under the covers and then treat yourself to a yummy, high-fat breakfast
#995 You haven’t drank alcohol in 4 years, just in case
You really miss the occasional glass of wine or cool sip of beer. Let’s face it, you have been ttc for months or years and you could really use some alcohol. But you don’t, just in case. You might slip up and have a sip on occasion. But in general, you are as sober as they come. Now, when you get your period, it is the best time to drink or get drunk.
While it may not be four years...this in fact is why I dont drink! If you stuck it out to read the blog...you now know my secret. And please dont start on your reasons of why its OKAY to drink while if you didn't know you were pregnant-no I dont care if your sister, cousin, best friend, mother or any one else did. I refuse!
#983 You have no idea what an "accidental pregnancy" means
Your friend tells you that she got pregnant ‘by accident.’ You heard that another friend wasn’t even trying and she got pregnant. A co-worker forgot to take her birth control and she got pregnant. Another just coughed, and she got pregnant with twins. Well, congratulations! We are so happy for you.
What in the world is an ‘accidental pregnancy?’ How is that even possible we wonder.
We have all heard stories about someone getting ‘accidentally pregnant’ but everyone who is having trouble conceiving knows accidental pregnancies cannot exist. My co-worker claimed ’she wasn’t even trying’ when she drank too much one night and ended up pregnant on the first time. A few years ago, the condom broke for us and that did not result in an ‘accidental pregnancy.’ It resulted in us purchasing better quality condoms (although we all wish we threw out those condoms years ago).
For us infertiles, the correct definition of accidental pregnancy actually means:
trying to conceive naturally for a year without any luck, then going to a fertility doctor, then enjoying all those internal tests, forcing your husband to get an uncomfortable sperm test (no, it’s not like you see in the movies), then trying fertility drugs mixed with sticking needles in our butts, then paying $20,000 for fertility treatments and then FINALLY after 6 years, getting pregnant only to go onto have secondary infertility.
That, my friends, is the real definition for ‘accidental pregnancy.’
Okay okay, I admit it...Im a sore loser. I hate hearing someone is pregnant, ESP when they haven't tried, don't know how they feel about it, are sad about it, have 4 kids already they don't care about, or got off birth control & 'omg like no way I got pregnant' Shut up and be sensitve..thanks! Now I haven't had it quite this extreme, I know others who have. And its just crazy..Ive been told over and over again to relax... YES because its that simple!
#688 Your Infertility Confessions
When you desperately want to have a baby, you have a lot of private thoughts that you’d rather not share with the world. Your best friend doesn’t need to know that you sobbed in a public bathroom after she told you she was pregnant (and those weren’t tears of happiness). Your husband doesn’t need to know that you’ve actually touched your own cervical mucus; and your pregnant Facebook friend doesn’t need to know that you’ve hidden her so you don’t have to see her growing belly photos. You have a few infertility confessions.
Here are some of your infertility confessions that you were actually willing to share.
“If you go out to eat and your waitress is pregnant, do you think it is wrong to ask to be moved or for a different waitress? In the past, I have had waitresses complain about being pregnant and I just don’t want to hear it…” -Brianna
“I’m was terribly afraid to pee after my embryo transfer because I was afraid I would pee my future babies out. Instead, I held it in until my husband drove over a speed bump and I wet myself in the car.” -Kailey
“You find yourself giving bad baby name advice because you’re scared all the good ones will be gone before you actually get to have one. Your best friend calls you with the news – she’s pregnant! You’re trying really hard to be happy for her and not bitter like you usually are. Somewhere deep down. you’re trying to make small talk about the baby-to-be and ask, “so have you thought of any names yet?”. You’ve nailed down firm names for your first 3 boys and 5 girls that haven’t materialized yet – What if someone takes something off of your list? So you start giving really bad baby name advice – just picking the ones that are the furthest away from anything that you’d ever choose. “Oh sure,” You say, “I looooooove the name Bertha. So soft, so delicate. And Ursula doesn’ remind me at all of that horrible witch that tried to kill the little mermaid. What was that last one? What? HOW do you spell that? Oh sure, that sounds FABULOUS! I really think you should go with that one… that you just said… that I can’t pronounce…” -StarJumper
“You dumpster dive for used pregnancy tests! Ok, maybe not dumpster dive…but you pick through your garbage to further analyze a BFN test-despite the fact you stared at it off and on for the whole night prior….I can’t be the only one who has done this?” – Alexandra’s Mom
“You are relieved when you see another woman carry a tampon into a bathroom stall, or when you hear that packaging crinkling and unwrapping from the stall next to you. “Yay, she’s not pregnant!!” There are always a million pregnant women all around you, but you’ve just found one who is not! Of course, she’s not even trying, and once she does she’ll get pregnant immediately, but for now, she’s dealing with AF just like you are.” -Tiffany
“During my two week wait, I squeeze my breasts to see if they feel more swollen. I do this a lot and yes, in public.” -Marie
“I use to chart my basal temperature every morning. When it seemed like my temperature wasn’t increasing, I would take it out of my mouth and run the thermometer under hot water. Sadly, it would make me happy that the temperature got hotter.” -Sammie
LOVE LOVE LOVE^^^
#692 Dear Fertility Santa
Dear Santa,PS. I really am nice person...and I really am happy for you when your pregnant...but no I dont care how to hear about how sick you are...maybe you should just be thankful your sick. And no sorry I have noo pitty for you that your child didn't sleep at all, and that your tired, or that you dont get help from your husband...why? Because I would kill for all of those things. And plus your husband isn't helping-maybe you should try to talk to him..if it still doesn't work out...and its that bad, you should probably leave him. Just throwing that out there! So no, don't expect ANY pitty from this girl..plus if you don't want your kids-I'd be glad to take them!:)
Me again! How’s it going? Mrs. Clause treating you well? Santa, I have been a very good girl this year. I have taken my folic acid on a daily basis (minus last month when I said “screw you, folic acid” during a very crampy menstrual period). I have stuck a thermometer in my mouth every single morning to chart my temperature (and have only cheated twice by taking my temperature after my shower). Even last week when we went out for dinner, I didn’t look at the toilet paper once when I went to the bathroom at Mork’s Fine Steakhouse. Santa, I was a very good girl when my husband had a three day business trip during my peak ovulation period. I only overacted a little bit by begging him to stay home, then crying later over a bowl of mint chip ice cream. Then there was the time when I acted super strong after my cycle failed and then cried only a little in front of a Wal-Mart cashier named Teresa. I was even really good after my friend Bessie-Sue posted all her pregnancy belly photos on Facebook (if you refer to photo number 45 called “My Six Month Belly Picture,” you will even see that I nicely commented, “Hey Bessie-Sue, your belly looks great!” That’s pretty darn nice, if you ask me.
Santa, my husband has also been a very good boy. He went for his semen analysis test without putting up a fuss. He didn’t get mad at me when I made him watch a documentary called, “I’m Infertile, Now What?” and he even took vitamins to increase his sperm count, (even when it strangely also increased the hair on his back). There was also the time when his sister got pregnant with her third accidental baby and he spared telling me until we got home. I’d say that this year, we have been both pretty darn good.
Please fill our stockings with baby dust and fill our Christmas tree with light and hope and determination. Please bring us strength and optimism and fill our hearts with positive thoughts in the new year
With Love, Infertile in the City
P.S. Santa, please also throw in some hope for our friends who don’t celebrate Christmas. They also need a bit of Mazel in their Tovs too.
#694 Your First Thoughts after the Dreaded Pregnancy Announcement
When you find out someone is pregnant, a normal first reaction is “Wow. Congratulations! That is great news. I’m so happy for you!” But you’re an infertile and that’s typically not your first thought even if you don’t want to admit it.
YOUR DAD: “Cousin Martha just called. She is pregnant! Isn’t that great news!”
YOU: (Right or wrong, your first inner thought will probably include one or more of the following thoughts)…
1.Are you kidding me? She just got married.
2.How many people are going to get pregnant before it’s our turn already!
3.Great. Now everyone is pregnant but me.
4.But she already has a two year old!
5.But we started trying long before she did.
6.What the fertile! She’s still so bloody young.
7.What the fertile! She’s still in school and he has no money.
8.Wow. He really must have super sperm to get her pregnant so quickly.
9.Good for her.***
10.So, who cares? Why are you telling me this?***
***Note: You will tend to have a more bitter and envious thought should a pregnancy announcement occur during your period or following a failed cycle and negative pregnancy test.
YOUR REAL RESPONSE: “That’s great news, dad. Pass along my congratulations. I’m so happy for them."
You respond this way because it’s not socially acceptable to become a raging infertile lunatic in public, because you are strong and you refuse to show anyone your jealous and bitter side, because you know it’s actually good news even if it doesn’t feel that way, because one day it will be your turn too. You respond this way simply because you are awesome, even if you don’t always remember that.
#704 Insider Tips: Ways to Drive an Infertile Crazy
We’re hormonal, pregnancy-obsessed, baby bump envious, addicted to fertility drugs, a tad crazy at times but lovable all the same! But (somewhere) underneath the hysterical sobbing and emotional breakdowns, we still keep our sense of humor.
Here are some infertile “insider tips” on how to (have fun with) and make an infertile go absolutely crazy.
1.Tell us how you got pregnant on your first try and then complain about your pregnancy symptoms.
2.Ask us to take weekly photos of your pregnancy belly and then ask us to post them on Facebook FOR you.
3.When we come to your house, stain all of your toilet paper bright red.
4.Playfully hide all of our time-sensitive fertility medication.
5.Tell us that our fertility clinic telephoned but you can’t remember the message.
6.Tell us a story about someone you know who adopted and then suddenly got pregnant.
7.Tell us to relax and stop trying so it will just happen.
8.Use the acronym ‘BFN’ when referring to your cousin Billy F. Newman.
9.Complain about your children, daily.
10.Ask us to pick up some diapers and baby products for you.
11.Wait until the first day of our period and then ask us to help plan your baby shower.
12.Tell us that you accidentally spilled our fertility medication into the toilet.
13.Remind us of how old we are and still do not have children.
14.Ask us if we’re pregnant yet.
Okay Im done for now:) Sure was fun though...be sure to go to actual page...theres so much more! And I promise you will be addicted in no time!:)
You thought for sure you were pregnant this time… You are three days late and you decide to use a public restroom only to find your stupid period has arrived. You spend a few minutes sobbing quietly in the stall, wipe your tears away and slowly walk back to the table, pretending nothing has happened. You mention your breakdown to no one until you get home and sob to your partner.
Note: you may have also sobbed in the other following toilets: the gym, a friends’ house, work (definitely work), shopping mall, an airplane, the list goes on and on
#702 Wouldn’t it be Great to be Pregnant at the SAME time!
You’ve heard this line many times before. Wouldn’t it be just great if we got pregnant at the same time! Yes (sister-in-law, best friend, cousin Martha), it would be fantastic to be pregnant at the same time, and how would you like me to do that again?
As soon as your relative, friend, Facebook acquaintances, co-worker gets pregnant, she suddenly shares her fabulous idea that you should get pregnant at the same time. “It would be so much fun,” She squeals (while rubbing her pregnant belly). “We can take prenatal classes together and go on play dates. You better hurry up!” And it typically doesn’t matter if she knows about your infertility struggles or not. She will somehow say this anyways.
What a SUPER NEAT idea! Yes! Let’s be pregnant together! I will just head right home, take some fertility drugs, stick a transvaginal wand inside of me, remove embryos from my uterus, have a fertility lab technician wash my husband’s sperm, have some timed intercourse and then sit patiently for the next two weeks, waiting for my pregnancy test results.
Your sister-in-law, friend, co-worker and cousin Martha do have a good point. It would have been really nice to be pregnant at the same time. You have thought about this a million times before. You thought about it when dear old SIL was pregnant with baby #1, and then baby #2. You thought about it when your friend Betty-Sue was trying to conceive and got pregnant right away while you were still waiting. And no, you can’t just “hurry up and get pregnant.” If ‘hurry up’ means get pregnant within 3-10 years, you will definitely hurry it up. Next time you’re at the fertility doctor, you’ll nicely inquire if she could hurry up the ovulation, fertilization process. No problem-o!
During infertility, you can also enjoy some of the following lines (that seem to be universal):
•Just relax and it will happen.
•Why are you waiting so long?
•Why don’t you just adopt?
•I know someone (who knows someone) who adopted and then got pregnant.
•Have you tried (insert bad advice from a relative, grandma Mildred, a friend or random stranger)?
•Get drunk!
•Go on vacation and it will just happen.
•When the time is right, it will happen.
•You’re thinking about it too much.
•Stop trying.
You do agree it would be great to be pregnant at the same time as your friend but right now, you would happily settle to get pregnant at any time and any date.
I think this is my favorite one so far....
#999 You google words like "breasts sore, late period, ovulation"
Google is our best and most trustworthy friend. There has been several times when you googled all your pre-pregnancy symptoms in hopes someone in cyber space would confirm your pregnancy. If you haven’t googled your symptoms, you are not a true infertile! Your popular google searches: “ovulation, basal temperature, I nfertility, tender breasts, dark nipples, low sperm count.” You know it’s true and we won’t tell…
Lmao....I can't even count the times I have looked for google to answer my questions.
998 You have cried in a public restroom when you got your period
Yep, I am deff not going to lie this has most deff happened to me...fun stuff let me tell ya!
#994 You get mad at your partner when he is not available on ovulation days
You have been waiting for those 2 magical days a month – ovulation days! You get prepared to seduce your partner tonight, you wait for him to get home…. He calls you to say he is going out tonight with the boys. IS HE KIDDING? You have been waiting for those magical days all month – those days that give you the smallest amount of hope, and he won’t be around. I also love when he is ‘too tired.’ Too tired? Isn’t he the same guy who begged for sex while you were dating? Oh, he is having sex tonight, I’ll tell you that much.
Haha, its true...and its deff happened. While it may not be his fault, we just can't help but be mad!!
#990 You examine the toilet paper when you get your period
Wiping yourself has never been so complex! What color is it?
You always examine that toilet paper and ask yourself questions like “Is this really my period?” or “Is this just spotting?” Sometimes you’re sure that the coloring is just too pink or too brown to be your real period. Your husband might walk into the bathroom as you are wiping and inspecting – don’t bother explaining, he doesn’t really understand.
You also look for spotting prior to your period. Once, I thought I saw blood a week before my period and was very excited, until I realized that it was blood from shaving my legs.
Who can relate? Show of hands?
Quilty as charged! I also do this all month exam the shit out of my toliet paper.. I want to know if the discharge is ovulation or not---duh!
#987 It’s a weekend morning and you are looking at fertility sites!
Is this you? It’s the weekend right now and you have been looking at fertility sites for over an hour! You are on THIS site right now which means you know it’s true!
Hopefully, it’s not first thing in the morning when you should be sleeping late or getting your morning (decaf-but-wish-it-was-regular) coffee ready. Your husband is probably still in bed and you are googling all your early pregnancy symptoms. You might have all the same symptoms as some stranger on a Yahoo site but face it, the computer can’t tell you if you’re pregnant. Stop it right now! You just spent all week at work on the computer. Enjoy a stress-free weekend!
Please get off your computer, go back under the covers and then treat yourself to a yummy, high-fat breakfast
#995 You haven’t drank alcohol in 4 years, just in case
You really miss the occasional glass of wine or cool sip of beer. Let’s face it, you have been ttc for months or years and you could really use some alcohol. But you don’t, just in case. You might slip up and have a sip on occasion. But in general, you are as sober as they come. Now, when you get your period, it is the best time to drink or get drunk.
While it may not be four years...this in fact is why I dont drink! If you stuck it out to read the blog...you now know my secret. And please dont start on your reasons of why its OKAY to drink while if you didn't know you were pregnant-no I dont care if your sister, cousin, best friend, mother or any one else did. I refuse!
#983 You have no idea what an "accidental pregnancy" means
Your friend tells you that she got pregnant ‘by accident.’ You heard that another friend wasn’t even trying and she got pregnant. A co-worker forgot to take her birth control and she got pregnant. Another just coughed, and she got pregnant with twins. Well, congratulations! We are so happy for you.
What in the world is an ‘accidental pregnancy?’ How is that even possible we wonder.
We have all heard stories about someone getting ‘accidentally pregnant’ but everyone who is having trouble conceiving knows accidental pregnancies cannot exist. My co-worker claimed ’she wasn’t even trying’ when she drank too much one night and ended up pregnant on the first time. A few years ago, the condom broke for us and that did not result in an ‘accidental pregnancy.’ It resulted in us purchasing better quality condoms (although we all wish we threw out those condoms years ago).
For us infertiles, the correct definition of accidental pregnancy actually means:
trying to conceive naturally for a year without any luck, then going to a fertility doctor, then enjoying all those internal tests, forcing your husband to get an uncomfortable sperm test (no, it’s not like you see in the movies), then trying fertility drugs mixed with sticking needles in our butts, then paying $20,000 for fertility treatments and then FINALLY after 6 years, getting pregnant only to go onto have secondary infertility.
That, my friends, is the real definition for ‘accidental pregnancy.’
Okay okay, I admit it...Im a sore loser. I hate hearing someone is pregnant, ESP when they haven't tried, don't know how they feel about it, are sad about it, have 4 kids already they don't care about, or got off birth control & 'omg like no way I got pregnant' Shut up and be sensitve..thanks! Now I haven't had it quite this extreme, I know others who have. And its just crazy..Ive been told over and over again to relax... YES because its that simple!
#688 Your Infertility Confessions
When you desperately want to have a baby, you have a lot of private thoughts that you’d rather not share with the world. Your best friend doesn’t need to know that you sobbed in a public bathroom after she told you she was pregnant (and those weren’t tears of happiness). Your husband doesn’t need to know that you’ve actually touched your own cervical mucus; and your pregnant Facebook friend doesn’t need to know that you’ve hidden her so you don’t have to see her growing belly photos. You have a few infertility confessions.
Here are some of your infertility confessions that you were actually willing to share.
“If you go out to eat and your waitress is pregnant, do you think it is wrong to ask to be moved or for a different waitress? In the past, I have had waitresses complain about being pregnant and I just don’t want to hear it…” -Brianna
“I’m was terribly afraid to pee after my embryo transfer because I was afraid I would pee my future babies out. Instead, I held it in until my husband drove over a speed bump and I wet myself in the car.” -Kailey
“You find yourself giving bad baby name advice because you’re scared all the good ones will be gone before you actually get to have one. Your best friend calls you with the news – she’s pregnant! You’re trying really hard to be happy for her and not bitter like you usually are. Somewhere deep down. you’re trying to make small talk about the baby-to-be and ask, “so have you thought of any names yet?”. You’ve nailed down firm names for your first 3 boys and 5 girls that haven’t materialized yet – What if someone takes something off of your list? So you start giving really bad baby name advice – just picking the ones that are the furthest away from anything that you’d ever choose. “Oh sure,” You say, “I looooooove the name Bertha. So soft, so delicate. And Ursula doesn’ remind me at all of that horrible witch that tried to kill the little mermaid. What was that last one? What? HOW do you spell that? Oh sure, that sounds FABULOUS! I really think you should go with that one… that you just said… that I can’t pronounce…” -StarJumper
“You dumpster dive for used pregnancy tests! Ok, maybe not dumpster dive…but you pick through your garbage to further analyze a BFN test-despite the fact you stared at it off and on for the whole night prior….I can’t be the only one who has done this?” – Alexandra’s Mom
“You are relieved when you see another woman carry a tampon into a bathroom stall, or when you hear that packaging crinkling and unwrapping from the stall next to you. “Yay, she’s not pregnant!!” There are always a million pregnant women all around you, but you’ve just found one who is not! Of course, she’s not even trying, and once she does she’ll get pregnant immediately, but for now, she’s dealing with AF just like you are.” -Tiffany
“During my two week wait, I squeeze my breasts to see if they feel more swollen. I do this a lot and yes, in public.” -Marie
“I use to chart my basal temperature every morning. When it seemed like my temperature wasn’t increasing, I would take it out of my mouth and run the thermometer under hot water. Sadly, it would make me happy that the temperature got hotter.” -Sammie
LOVE LOVE LOVE^^^
#692 Dear Fertility Santa
Dear Santa,PS. I really am nice person...and I really am happy for you when your pregnant...but no I dont care how to hear about how sick you are...maybe you should just be thankful your sick. And no sorry I have noo pitty for you that your child didn't sleep at all, and that your tired, or that you dont get help from your husband...why? Because I would kill for all of those things. And plus your husband isn't helping-maybe you should try to talk to him..if it still doesn't work out...and its that bad, you should probably leave him. Just throwing that out there! So no, don't expect ANY pitty from this girl..plus if you don't want your kids-I'd be glad to take them!:)
Me again! How’s it going? Mrs. Clause treating you well? Santa, I have been a very good girl this year. I have taken my folic acid on a daily basis (minus last month when I said “screw you, folic acid” during a very crampy menstrual period). I have stuck a thermometer in my mouth every single morning to chart my temperature (and have only cheated twice by taking my temperature after my shower). Even last week when we went out for dinner, I didn’t look at the toilet paper once when I went to the bathroom at Mork’s Fine Steakhouse. Santa, I was a very good girl when my husband had a three day business trip during my peak ovulation period. I only overacted a little bit by begging him to stay home, then crying later over a bowl of mint chip ice cream. Then there was the time when I acted super strong after my cycle failed and then cried only a little in front of a Wal-Mart cashier named Teresa. I was even really good after my friend Bessie-Sue posted all her pregnancy belly photos on Facebook (if you refer to photo number 45 called “My Six Month Belly Picture,” you will even see that I nicely commented, “Hey Bessie-Sue, your belly looks great!” That’s pretty darn nice, if you ask me.
Santa, my husband has also been a very good boy. He went for his semen analysis test without putting up a fuss. He didn’t get mad at me when I made him watch a documentary called, “I’m Infertile, Now What?” and he even took vitamins to increase his sperm count, (even when it strangely also increased the hair on his back). There was also the time when his sister got pregnant with her third accidental baby and he spared telling me until we got home. I’d say that this year, we have been both pretty darn good.
Please fill our stockings with baby dust and fill our Christmas tree with light and hope and determination. Please bring us strength and optimism and fill our hearts with positive thoughts in the new year
With Love, Infertile in the City
P.S. Santa, please also throw in some hope for our friends who don’t celebrate Christmas. They also need a bit of Mazel in their Tovs too.
#694 Your First Thoughts after the Dreaded Pregnancy Announcement
When you find out someone is pregnant, a normal first reaction is “Wow. Congratulations! That is great news. I’m so happy for you!” But you’re an infertile and that’s typically not your first thought even if you don’t want to admit it.
YOUR DAD: “Cousin Martha just called. She is pregnant! Isn’t that great news!”
YOU: (Right or wrong, your first inner thought will probably include one or more of the following thoughts)…
1.Are you kidding me? She just got married.
2.How many people are going to get pregnant before it’s our turn already!
3.Great. Now everyone is pregnant but me.
4.But she already has a two year old!
5.But we started trying long before she did.
6.What the fertile! She’s still so bloody young.
7.What the fertile! She’s still in school and he has no money.
8.Wow. He really must have super sperm to get her pregnant so quickly.
9.Good for her.***
10.So, who cares? Why are you telling me this?***
***Note: You will tend to have a more bitter and envious thought should a pregnancy announcement occur during your period or following a failed cycle and negative pregnancy test.
YOUR REAL RESPONSE: “That’s great news, dad. Pass along my congratulations. I’m so happy for them."
You respond this way because it’s not socially acceptable to become a raging infertile lunatic in public, because you are strong and you refuse to show anyone your jealous and bitter side, because you know it’s actually good news even if it doesn’t feel that way, because one day it will be your turn too. You respond this way simply because you are awesome, even if you don’t always remember that.
#704 Insider Tips: Ways to Drive an Infertile Crazy
We’re hormonal, pregnancy-obsessed, baby bump envious, addicted to fertility drugs, a tad crazy at times but lovable all the same! But (somewhere) underneath the hysterical sobbing and emotional breakdowns, we still keep our sense of humor.
Here are some infertile “insider tips” on how to (have fun with) and make an infertile go absolutely crazy.
1.Tell us how you got pregnant on your first try and then complain about your pregnancy symptoms.
2.Ask us to take weekly photos of your pregnancy belly and then ask us to post them on Facebook FOR you.
3.When we come to your house, stain all of your toilet paper bright red.
4.Playfully hide all of our time-sensitive fertility medication.
5.Tell us that our fertility clinic telephoned but you can’t remember the message.
6.Tell us a story about someone you know who adopted and then suddenly got pregnant.
7.Tell us to relax and stop trying so it will just happen.
8.Use the acronym ‘BFN’ when referring to your cousin Billy F. Newman.
9.Complain about your children, daily.
10.Ask us to pick up some diapers and baby products for you.
11.Wait until the first day of our period and then ask us to help plan your baby shower.
12.Tell us that you accidentally spilled our fertility medication into the toilet.
13.Remind us of how old we are and still do not have children.
14.Ask us if we’re pregnant yet.
Okay Im done for now:) Sure was fun though...be sure to go to actual page...theres so much more! And I promise you will be addicted in no time!:)
You thought for sure you were pregnant this time… You are three days late and you decide to use a public restroom only to find your stupid period has arrived. You spend a few minutes sobbing quietly in the stall, wipe your tears away and slowly walk back to the table, pretending nothing has happened. You mention your breakdown to no one until you get home and sob to your partner.
Note: you may have also sobbed in the other following toilets: the gym, a friends’ house, work (definitely work), shopping mall, an airplane, the list goes on and on
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Obessed Much?
A lot as happend since my last blog. I got pregnant & lost the baby. Yay for my SECOND pregnancy ending in a miscarriage......lovelyyy huh.
HOWEVER I musttt say I found this amazing website 999reasonstolaugh its basically a bunch of blogs about not being able to get pregnant. (while I obviously can get pregnant..I can't keep the babies)...Its just a great blogs..I started at now (Jan) and I am already reading into June. Addcited much? I'd say so.
So LATELYYY...Ive been pretty much acting like I am okay (and sometimes I am) but honestly, Im not..Im not strong like everyone thinks I am...Im not this amazing person that can handle everything. I wish I was...but at least Im doing a great job hiding it:) Till now, when I bitch. The truth is though. Im hiding it, because I know how quickly people judge around here...and Im VERYYYY hormonal (you think your horomal because your pregnant...try having a miscarriage, I am homornal because my levels are off...ANDDD because I just lost a baby) lately I haven't wanted people to judge me....but Ive also been being a super bitch...and being a lot more honest. Sorry if you can't handle it, but theres the door & you can PEACE the fuck out bitch! I dont have time for unsupportive people....(not that anyone hasnt been). I guess I feel like I knowwww at least someone out there is like omggg...blah blah blah talking thier shit. And honestly, why do I care? I have no clue...but I do. Im so worried about how other people are juding me-people who have never walked in my shoes, people who have never lost (and I pray to GOD they NEVER do)..why I care? Shit I have no clue.
Ive been such a bitch latly, well I guess bitch is the word some would use-I like the word HONEST. Its probably not going to be easy to be my friend the next few months...or longer, who really knows. But hey, if they are true friends they willlllll stick by my side! Plain & simple!
Lately, I have been surrounding myself with friends...staying busy, clinging to thier children (wishing they were mine)...and bascially just trying to hang out & have a great time. Its been working, for the most part. Evenings are when it gets worse. Why? Because I am with my husband, the one who knows me inside and out...the one that can tell by the look on my face thatI am not okay. The one person (theres more then just him but yeah) that I can tell ANYTHING to, and I know he won't judge me. I couldn't be more thankful for my amazing (very annoying at times) husband. I really love him.
Recently I have been talking to a lot women who are having trouble conceiving, or have lost...and its heartbreaking. It's even more heartbreaking that we have ALLLL these people that get pregnant 'on accident'-loveeee it. Not. Or get pregnant quicky-and dont apperciate it. I must say I used to like teen mom, but since my miscarriage, I CAN NOT watch that shit.
I know Im angry, and Im bitching a lot...but hey its my blog..if you don't like it-don't fucking read it. Its not really that hard.
Someeeeeday I will get my amazing gift from God, I know I will..and you know what I will apperciate everything MUCH more then most parents.<3 I know that I am a crazy freak...
I feel much better...with that being said-I am getting off to cuddle & be held by that amazing husband of mine!<3
TO ALL MY AMAZING FRIENDS- I can't thank you enough for listening to me ramble on about my crazy pregnancy obessions, my random crying, my YELLING and SCREAMING about how its not fair & all of the other crazy mood swings you people have delt with. You are all amazing<3
Sincerly,
the crazy lady that wants a child more then anything in the world...
and is more then obessed with it
HOWEVER I musttt say I found this amazing website 999reasonstolaugh its basically a bunch of blogs about not being able to get pregnant. (while I obviously can get pregnant..I can't keep the babies)...Its just a great blogs..I started at now (Jan) and I am already reading into June. Addcited much? I'd say so.
So LATELYYY...Ive been pretty much acting like I am okay (and sometimes I am) but honestly, Im not..Im not strong like everyone thinks I am...Im not this amazing person that can handle everything. I wish I was...but at least Im doing a great job hiding it:) Till now, when I bitch. The truth is though. Im hiding it, because I know how quickly people judge around here...and Im VERYYYY hormonal (you think your horomal because your pregnant...try having a miscarriage, I am homornal because my levels are off...ANDDD because I just lost a baby) lately I haven't wanted people to judge me....but Ive also been being a super bitch...and being a lot more honest. Sorry if you can't handle it, but theres the door & you can PEACE the fuck out bitch! I dont have time for unsupportive people....(not that anyone hasnt been). I guess I feel like I knowwww at least someone out there is like omggg...blah blah blah talking thier shit. And honestly, why do I care? I have no clue...but I do. Im so worried about how other people are juding me-people who have never walked in my shoes, people who have never lost (and I pray to GOD they NEVER do)..why I care? Shit I have no clue.
Ive been such a bitch latly, well I guess bitch is the word some would use-I like the word HONEST. Its probably not going to be easy to be my friend the next few months...or longer, who really knows. But hey, if they are true friends they willlllll stick by my side! Plain & simple!
Lately, I have been surrounding myself with friends...staying busy, clinging to thier children (wishing they were mine)...and bascially just trying to hang out & have a great time. Its been working, for the most part. Evenings are when it gets worse. Why? Because I am with my husband, the one who knows me inside and out...the one that can tell by the look on my face thatI am not okay. The one person (theres more then just him but yeah) that I can tell ANYTHING to, and I know he won't judge me. I couldn't be more thankful for my amazing (very annoying at times) husband. I really love him.
Recently I have been talking to a lot women who are having trouble conceiving, or have lost...and its heartbreaking. It's even more heartbreaking that we have ALLLL these people that get pregnant 'on accident'-loveeee it. Not. Or get pregnant quicky-and dont apperciate it. I must say I used to like teen mom, but since my miscarriage, I CAN NOT watch that shit.
I know Im angry, and Im bitching a lot...but hey its my blog..if you don't like it-don't fucking read it. Its not really that hard.
Someeeeeday I will get my amazing gift from God, I know I will..and you know what I will apperciate everything MUCH more then most parents.<3 I know that I am a crazy freak...
I feel much better...with that being said-I am getting off to cuddle & be held by that amazing husband of mine!<3
TO ALL MY AMAZING FRIENDS- I can't thank you enough for listening to me ramble on about my crazy pregnancy obessions, my random crying, my YELLING and SCREAMING about how its not fair & all of the other crazy mood swings you people have delt with. You are all amazing<3
Sincerly,
the crazy lady that wants a child more then anything in the world...
and is more then obessed with it
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