lots to say lately!

Leaving the infertile pages is weird. I mean, I never really fit in anyways. Or at least thats how I felt, all of them had been trying to hard for so long. Bless their hearts. I always fit in better with the 'miscarriage group'. But I stayed because the things they commented about I was feeling at the time, and I prayed for them. I have wanted to leave them since before I was even pregnant, and once I got pregnant I wanted to leave them, but every time I tried I thought 'is this bad luck, what if I lose this baby, will I want those groups back?' Now I go back and read some of their comments and they are so RUDE and honestly MEAN. Women will post they finally got their dream, and they aren't even HAPPY for them, like at all. Which is strange. I was always sad for myself, but always happy for others. And if I just didn't feel happy for them,  I faked it. Because I knew when it was MY turn I would want people to be happy for me.

I was in this one private group, and when the game about how many weeks you are, and what you are craving came out. I went to post to tell them about it. No one really commented and they had been ignoring my posts lately anyways, so I decided to remove myself from the group. Later I got a message from a really sweet lady tell me she was sorry for how they had treated me and she hopes they didn't upset me. I was thinking, what is she talking about? Well I messaged her back, and asked a few good friends. Come to find out they commented back saying that it is wrong of me to go warn them about something yet have my profile picture as an ultrasound. Now, this is a private group so I can't go back and comment. But if I could I would say something along the lines of this 'Are guys really that depressed that you can't be happy for ANYONE? You don't know my struggles, so how are you going to treat me like crap. How do you know this ultrasound picture is a current pregnancy and not one from one of my previous m/c? you don't. Im sorry that you are this unhappy in your life, but I think you need to find peace with yourself. If your THAT unhappy you can't be happy for ANYONE'. I understand how painful trying to get pregnant is..and miscarriage. Its hard, its REALLY hard. It makes me wonder, was I that bitter and angry? I know I blogged and facebooked about it a lot, it helped me. So I wouldn't be depressing in real life. I pray that no matter what happens in my life, I will never be that angry or bitter at someone who got their dream.

Life is so crazy, you live and you learn and you grow from it. My miscarriages have taught me so much, made me grow & deff made me much stronger. I do wish they never happened but I also believe that God has a plan for all of us.

I read a blog a women wrong about the new game going around facebook. I loved it. She was saying how its not funny or cute. The game isn't helping spread breast cancer awareness...no one is donating money to the cause. So posting these status's isn't doing anything. She went on to say she suffers from secondary infertility (which is where you have a child no problems and then can't get pregnant after). She even took it as far as to say how some women who beat cancer are left infertile, and how would they feel to see this game going around joking about being pregnant. When I first saw the game, I was upset about it and I didn't like it. It made me think back to when I wasn't pregnant, and how all of my friends who have suffered from infertility, miscarriage or child loss would feel when they saw this game. Would their heart sink? Would they cry? I didn't like the idea of the game, but I just wasn't brave enough to say anything about it (me not brave enough to speak about something I feel so strongly about, weird haha). So then yesterday I wanted to blog about it, I really did..but something stopped me. Then I found this amazing blog...and now I know why I stopped. Because someone else had already written an amazing blog on the subject. I passed it on my facebook, and watched my friends pass it around too. Seeing it reposted made my day, it really did. Then a good friend of mine posted a status about it, saying how she doesn't agree with, and how its not cute to pretend your pregnant -people started passing that status around. Then I saw another friend with her version of the status..I'm so glad this is going around. I hope people think about that. Esp because if I was infertile after beating cancer I am pretty sure that would kill me inside.