I was going to write this blog yesterday, but as soon as I started writing in Jena came over, so I thought Id finishing writing it later, but never go around to it.
September 15th, 2006. My life changed forever. Okay well actually on the 13th. I went in for my 8 week check up, Justin and I were soo excited to see our baby. It was then that we learned that I either wasn't as far along as I thought I was, or I was miscarrying. My period had been on my moms birthday, so I knew it was miscarriage. We spend the drive home crying, it was horrible. Then on the 15th I started bleeding, I remember going over to Justins house to let him know, he just held me as I cried. I was due on April 20th, still to this date when Aug 13th (home pregnancy test), Aug 15th (planned parenthood confirmed), Sept 13th, Sept 15, Jan 7th & April 20th come around. I get a little sad. I was only 16 dealing with all of that, so it made me grow up a lot. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my little babies...what they would be like. Was it really twins like that doctor told me? The other day I saw a status 'My baby girl is going to preschool. Im a mother to a preschooler, when did this happen?" I got a little sad, but then I smiled. I would have preschoolers, what? At 21 years old, I would be sending my babies off to school. Thats scary. I truly truly believe everything happens for a reason. God has them, and they are up there with everyone else I have lost. Having a great time, Im sure of it:) Besides, I'll meet all my children one day. <3
Life is beautiful and amazing. This girl posted a quote...'Everyday isn't good, but theres good in everyday'. I know a lot of my changing and happiness has come from this amazing pregnancy, and I'm glad. But I also feel like Im starting to see the good in all things. Today I am 12 weeks, I would say it feels like it flew by, but it didn't. It felt like it took forever to get here. Hopefully now time can go a little faster. haha. Although, in life I am always trying to RUSH things...please time hurry up, Im ready to be 12 weeks, Im ready to REALLY hear the heartbeat, Im ready to feel the baby, find out the sex, Im ready to have the baby, Im ready to go home for christmas,..then those things alllll happen and Im ready for my baby to sleep through the night LOL. I mean, really..I need to SLOW down and just fully enjoy everyday. Because 1) tomorrow isn't promised and 2) I won't get this time back! So from now on I am going to stop trying to fast forward time! haha. Although, sometimes it might be HARD. :)
Can I just say that I am so thankful I shared my stories of trying to get pregnant and my miscarriages. A lot of people hide those things and hey I am TOTALLY fine with that. Everyone is different, but I personally am so glad I decided to share. I have so many people who are praying for this baby, so many people who ask me how everything is going, so many people who tell me how happy they are for me. Its amazing, sometimes I feel like we don't deserve all the attention though! Its amazing. And honestly I have had soo many people come to me and be like hey I just need to talk this is whats going on, and I'm able to really help them. I'm able to let them know they aren't alone, help them with ovulation, be a person to vent too. Thats a blessing. I don't know why I had to go through two miscarriages, but I know it taught me so much. I have been able to really truly help people, and people have been able to help me too. I just wish those people who care SOO much about this baby, and who have been there for me through all of this know how amazing they are.
Bella<3 Shes growing soo much, shes deff all puppy though I must say. God brought her into my life so he could semi prepare me for a baby haha. Even though I dont care what anyone says, and I haven't had a baby but Im going to assume they are WAYY harder. haha. But I love her so much, I never thought I could love a dog so much. She has been doing better about getting into everything, or I have been doing better about putting things away is more like it, haha. Everyone says that kids follow you everywhere and its soo annoying, well my dog does that and I dont find it annoying at all. I actually find it adorable. Although, it might be a little more annoying if my child is following me around crying haha. I'll be cooking n Bella is laying down on the floor all in my way, hah. When Im in bed (which is almost all of the time now) shes with me. When I shower, shes on the bathroom floor lol. I wish I knew what she was thinking when she looks at me though. And its soo funny, Justin will be playing video games in the living room RIGHT NEXT TO THE DOOR lol...and instead of crying at the door comes to me all the way in the bedroom and crys to me ..its so funny. One day I yelled at Justin I was like seriously you can't even take the dog out, and hes like she didn't even tell me I SWEAR lol. :) Dogs are amazing<3
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