Im gonna get this off my chest. And if you still think the page is funny, thats on you.

Im sure my friends who read this who think the page is FUNNY will roll their eyes and thats fine. But Im still getting messages about whats being said and this stupid page is popping up on my newsfeed and it makes me sick.

The facebook page is called overly sensitive military wives, at first when the page was brought to my attention I looked it at, I read about it and honestly I didn't think it was as funny as my friends did. So I unliked the page right away. A few weeks or so passed and I haven't heard anything about the page, well a friend of mine posted a picture from the page, so I went back to check out the page. And I ended up finding a picture of someone who Im facebook friends with on there. Saying horrible things. So of course I told her. Seriously, I would want someone to tell me if I was in a 'make em famous album' or any album for that matter. So then some drama happened, I asked people to report the page, as did she. The page got posted on Col Joes page. And it was deleted without a word. Well now a few days LATER someone informed me that they are actually e-mailing people who are ON THIS SITE and saying look, we are kicking you off of an on post organization because of the her involvement with the group. She said people spread lies about what she wrote, I hate to tell her but EVERYONE can see the things she posted. And maybe it wasn't what was under the picture, maybe it was her running to the group telling them oh shes asking people to report you. Bottom line, I think its awesome. It really shows me that Ft. Bliss is taking this page seriously. And that they won't stand for it.

What makes me the maddest I think, is people who I have in common that 'like' this page, and are active members are saying they would never make fun of someone like that. Yet there it is, wide open for the world to see. I wouldn't do this, but I do wish I could take a picture of these people...because I hate to tell you guys but your no super model -either am I, and even if you are, theres always something embarrassing about you that someone could find - even if it has to do with your personally or mistakes you made. Have you made mistakes, I know I have..millions....and Im sure I could take a million pictures or post a million bad things about you -and write it on the page for people to make fun of. That page makes fun of people who don't look good when they go out. You know army wives always say "I have kids Im tired". Guess what Ill be the first to admit, I dont have kids and I still don't feel like getting beautiful to go to the store. Most days I wear a tank top & shorts...no make up & hair up in a bun, usually pretty messy. This page targets overweight women, but not only overweight..people who look like 'crap'. And you can say 'if you go out looking like a fool don't be mad if someone takes a picture'. And honestly, I wouldn't. Im sure if someone took a picture of me looking horrible and posted it on facebook Id be embarrassed but then Id laugh, because it's whatever to me! Im waiting for me to show up on people of walmart one day, I really am. Because sometimes I go out looking pretty crazy, and thats totally fine with me.

This page keeps popping up on my newsfeed, and I really want to delete everyone thats involved just because Im sick of seeing the name. But I won't do that, because Im actually FRIENDS with some of the people who like that page (not just facebook friends). But I sit here and say, Im not a perfect person. I wouldn't even call myself a GREAT person. But I see how horribly wrong this page is. Even without the pictures, going on a public form that the WORLD can see making fun of someone who saw walking their kids to school in their pj's. Thats not right. Or making fun of peoples business's, thats their JOB. Its what they do. Why do you care? And making fun of people who are PROUD of their husbands so they wear the purses, wear dog tags, take pictures of themselves with their husbands gear on, ones who buy army clothes for their kids or wear cloth ACU diapers.. They are proud. I know I am! If your not proud of your husband, you are the ones with the issues. What kind of person does that make you? No, stop and think about it..really think about it. If someone made fun of your weight, your clothes, your look, your purse, your husband, your family -how would it make you feel? Im sure if I talked about you behind your back it would hurt, but if I publicly blasted you for the world to see, and even if its just the people who 'like' the page, thats close to 4,000 people who now have a bad taste in their mouth because of me. Sure that page is entertaining, but will it be just an entertaining when someone you don't get along with posts something nasty about you on the page? When someone sees you in a shirt, and you think you look fine but someone points out how FAT you look? And people are bashing you to no end. Most woman have a weight complex, and other women judge that. I can pick through MY friends who like this page, and point out their flaws and public bash them. Just as they can do to me, but what does that do? Does it make you feel better to laugh at someone else?

I read a blog of a lady. It was sad, she was writing about how someone took a picture of her children at the store, and posted it on there. Apparently someone told her about it, she saw all the nasty things people said about her. She talked about how immature the page is, and what not. She talked about how it hurt. But I'm willing to bet she cried, and she cried hard. People..its not funny.

The page won't be shut down, and even if all 19 of my friends unlike the page (which makes me sick because before I wrote my status the other day I had 15 friends in common, 3 of them unliked it durning the whole thing and now its back up to 19), theres always 20 more people who will find this page and laugh and think its great. Hopefully with this blog at least someone will unlike the page.

I know Im guilty of posting things about people on my personal facebook, things that never should have been posted. No matter how much I dislike the person, but you know Im learning and growing from it. And Im sorry to all those people who I hurt. I dont have 4,000 friends but I have plenty who saw many things about my drama they shouldn't have seen. You live, learn & grow from your mistakes. Thats what makes you a better person.

judging parenting

Ive been thinking, do you think God punishes those who judge others? Such as, if someone who doesn't have kids, is pregnant or even has a young kid is judging another mom for the things she does do you think God will teach her to stop judging? It makes me wonder. 

I remember when I was younger, I had a lot of friends who were teenage parents. (Some of them) All they wanted to do is go out and party, or ditch their kids. Yes they were young, buttt you chose to sex have sooo take care of the kid you have. I was always the first to say something about how a mother was too bust partying she missed so much of her kids live. I still to this day believe that. If your a parent your kids shouldn't be with your parents, sister or friends EVERY WEEKEND so you can party. I remember this girl said, that she hopes I have a really hard time with my baby..so I will realize how its not easy ((first off who thinks parenting is easy?? not me haha)). I didn't care about her statement because no matter how hard it was, I knew I wouldn't be partying on the weekends. But for some reason the statement stuck with me all these years. I did go on to miscarry and she felt horrible for saying it, but she didn't MEAN she hopes I have a miscarriage she just hoped I had a hard time being a mom, which I totally knew. I don't hate her for the statement she made, she was speaking how she felt, just as I was.

It makes me wonder though, so many people I know make comments about how other people do things. About how kids aren't potty trained yet, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, toys. And it just makes me wonder, is God going to show people...look your dumb...and then suddenly that persons kid won't potty train till they are much older?  I know everyone has their opinions on things, and thats fine. I have LOTS of opinions. But on things like that I always say... I really don't want to co-sleep, because it scares me. But if someone else does it whatever. ((which I totally understand why people are against co-sleeping, but I also totally understand why some people do it)). For me, co sleeping is scary, and I want my alone time with my husband. However, thats not to say that I won't fall asleep while the baby is breastfeeding and wake up hours later with the baby next to me. I mean things happen. I learn from people though, being as its been years...I always say okay she does this, and she does this...and I watch and learn things I think are awesome and things I dont. Its the same with pacifiers, you can tell me till your blue in the face that you won't use one...but then your kid comes out colic, you may just turn to a paci. I know I would! Now if someone is actually abusing their kids, or partying 24/7 trust me I'll be the FIRST to be like are you kidding me?! But I really think as you watch parents parent you can learn a lot. I know I have....Ive talked to countless moms who say I can't get anything done when they baby was an infant, I can't even shower..then as the kids get older you talk to them again and they say looking back I was CRAZY. I should have been doing all of things durning this time because this is what I could have done. which they then learn for the next kid. Its great though because since it took me so many years to finally have a baby, Im able to learn from those people. So I have learned when the baby is an infant and I want to clean or shower or whatever...I will put the baby in the bouncy seat, and guess what its REALLY okay if the baby crys. It won't kill them. I'm not going to NOT shower for fear the baby will cry. As they get a little older crawling and walking around...I have learned from my friends..put the baby in the pack and play with some toys....again if they cry OWELL! Its awesome learning from others because if you would have asked me a few years ago I would have never thought I could get things done with a child just from hearing stories from my friends!

I know Im just rambling on but I just think, if people (myself included because I know Im guilty sometimes) would just listen to other mothers advice...and watch what everyone else does without judging...you will learn a thing or two. I know that I have friends whose kids nap ON THEM, they can't do a thing because their child won't sleep without being on them durning nap time. So what have I learned from them...dont let my child sleep on me LOL. If they start to, break them of it. Which several friends have given me tips on that too. So believe you-me if that gets started we will be breaking that asap! Potty training, listen to what worked for your friends, and take their advice. If your kid isn't ready your kid isn't ready...as long as your in no rush who really cares what people think! (Esp when you cloth diaper, its not like your in a hurry to get out of diapers because of the cost, haha). 

I'm in a lot of groups/pages on facebook and some of them I realllly dislike, I just can't work up the courage to leave them. People actuallllllly believe that if you have a c-section its the worst thing in the entire world. Im sorry but my mom had two, and guess what...shes just as much of a mother as you are. Then these people think if you don't breastfeed your like the worst person in the world. Trust me, my dream labor would be to do everything all natural, no c-section, and then my child will latch onto the boob no problem & I'll be breastfeeding till baby is ready to stop ((or 1 year old is my max)) But the reality is, labor hurts. Some people have higher pain tolerance then others, some people have longer labor.. some people have problems. Don't judge people for how they delivered their baby. And breastfeeding...trust me I am 1000000% for it. I think everyone who is ABLE should! I pray that I am able to breastfeed my baby. But guess what, not everyone can. That doesn't make you a bad mother! I PERSONALLY find it selfish when a mother doesn't even try, buttt some women don't feel comfortable so whatever, thats their deal. Honestly, they are the ones missing out on the great bonding experience they could have.  Im deff going to be the type of mother who says, look I want a natural labor, I want to breastfeed....but if I can't its not the end of the world. I would MUCH rather have a c-section, or get induced then put my child in danger! Sometimes I wish God could make those people who are sooo judgmental on c-sections get stuck having one LOL. How funny would it be if someone their entire pregnancy said I won't have a c-section no matter what....baby is born via c-section! lol. Okay, that might be a little mean, but seriously its not like c-setions are horrible. 

life.is.amazing

I was going to write this blog yesterday, but as soon as I started writing in Jena came over, so I thought Id finishing writing it later, but never go around to it.

September 15th, 2006. My life changed forever. Okay well actually on the 13th. I went in for my 8 week check up, Justin and I were soo excited to see our baby. It was then that we learned that I either wasn't as far along as I thought I was, or I was miscarrying. My period had been on my moms birthday, so I knew it was miscarriage. We spend the drive home crying, it was horrible. Then on the 15th I started bleeding, I remember going over to Justins house to let him know, he just held me as I cried. I was due on April 20th, still to this date when Aug 13th (home pregnancy test), Aug 15th (planned parenthood confirmed), Sept 13th, Sept 15, Jan 7th & April 20th come around. I get a little sad. I was only 16 dealing with all of that, so it made me grow up a lot. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my little babies...what they would be like. Was it really twins like that doctor told me? The other day I saw a status 'My baby girl is going to preschool. Im a mother to a preschooler, when did this happen?" I got a little sad, but then I smiled. I would have preschoolers, what? At 21 years old, I would be sending my babies off to school. Thats scary. I truly truly believe everything happens for a reason. God has them, and they are up there with everyone else I have lost. Having a great time, Im sure of it:) Besides, I'll meet all my children one day. <3

Life is beautiful and amazing. This girl posted a quote...'Everyday isn't good, but theres good in everyday'. I know a lot of my changing and happiness has come from this amazing pregnancy, and I'm glad. But I also feel like Im starting to see the good in all things. Today I am 12 weeks, I would say it feels like it flew by, but it didn't. It felt like it took forever to get here. Hopefully now time can go a little faster. haha. Although, in life I am always trying to RUSH things...please time hurry up, Im ready to be 12 weeks, Im ready to REALLY hear the heartbeat, Im ready to feel the baby, find out the sex, Im ready to have the baby, Im ready to go home for christmas,..then those things alllll happen and Im ready for my baby to sleep through the night LOL. I mean, really..I need to SLOW down and just fully enjoy everyday. Because 1) tomorrow isn't promised and 2) I won't get this time back! So from now on I am going to stop trying to fast forward time! haha. Although, sometimes it might be HARD. :)

Can I just say that I am so thankful I shared my stories of trying to get pregnant and my miscarriages. A lot of people hide those things and hey I am TOTALLY fine with that. Everyone is different, but I personally am so glad I decided to share. I have so many people who are praying for this baby, so many people who ask me how everything is going, so many people who tell me how happy they are for me. Its amazing, sometimes I feel like we don't deserve all the attention though! Its amazing. And honestly I have had soo many people come to me and be like hey I just need to talk this is whats going on, and I'm able to really help them. I'm able to let them know they aren't alone, help them with ovulation, be a person to vent too. Thats a blessing. I don't know why I had to go through two miscarriages, but I know it taught me so much. I have been able to really truly help people, and people have been able to help me too. I just wish those people who care SOO much about this baby, and who have been there for me through all of this know how amazing they are.

Bella<3 Shes growing soo much, shes deff all puppy though I must say. God brought her into my life so he could semi prepare me for a baby haha. Even though I dont care what anyone says, and I haven't had a baby but Im going to assume they are WAYY harder. haha. But I love her so much, I never thought I could love a dog so much. She has been doing better about getting into everything, or I have been doing better about putting things away is more like it, haha. Everyone says that kids follow you everywhere and its soo annoying, well my dog does that and I dont find it annoying at all. I actually find it adorable. Although, it might be a little more annoying if my child is following me around crying haha. I'll be cooking n Bella is laying down on the floor all in my way, hah. When Im in bed (which is almost all of the time now) shes with me. When I shower, shes on the bathroom floor lol. I wish I knew what she was thinking when she looks at me though. And its soo funny, Justin will be playing video games in the living room RIGHT NEXT TO THE DOOR lol...and instead of crying at the door comes to me all the way in the bedroom and crys to me ..its so funny. One day I yelled at Justin I was like seriously you can't even take the dog out, and hes like she didn't even tell me I SWEAR lol. :) Dogs are amazing<3

Feeling the changes:)

My life is changing. I can feel it. For a while now I have been wanting to get closer to God. But I would pray and ask him to change me, and then I always felt nothing...I knew I wasn't trying hard enough, but I couldn't push myself to keep trying. Well Amanda invited Vicki and I to PWOC one day, and we figured we'd go just for her. What a blessing it was that we decided to go. God brings people into your life for a reason, and the reason is becoming more and more clear for me. As the days have been going on I have been praying more, I have been feeling better about myself and about my relationship with God. It's certainly not where I want it, yet anyways...but just seeing and feeling the changes are so amazing. I can't wait to keep seeing what other change he is going to make in my life.

Over the weekend, I had a pretty bad weekend. I went to the ER on Friday for an ear infection and UTI. I got meds for both of them, well that night my wonderful dog decided to get the UTI meds...I ended up calling poison control and they said to give her peroxide to make her throw up, it was awful but it worked. The next day, she got my ear drops. I felt like such an idiot. Well I found some other ear drops I had around the house and was trying them. I went to a fluffy party on Saturday, and had such a great time. I learned so much about cloth diapering and I got a TON of stuff for only $50. Which is AMAZINGLY cheap. I didn't feel good when I got home though. On Sunday I went to Church. After Church I called Walgreens to figure out what was going on with my UTI meds and to ask about the ear drops I was using. I talked to the guy and he told me I could pay out of pocket for a few days of the UTI meds until the 13th when my insurance would cover the rest. I agreed, and it was only about 13 dollars so not that bad. I asked about the ear drops -200 dollars. WHAT. Needless to say I wasn't about to pay that LOL. So I went to the ER again to tell them about my ear problems...and because I was having cramps. The doctor was actually really rude to me...and made me cry. I won't even get into that. So today I felt much better but a few friends asked what my doctor said when I called and told me I should call when I said I felt better. So I did, turns out the doctor did want to see me just to check himself. I got an ultrasound and he did a pelvic exam. He tried to listen for the heartbeat but we couldn't find it. The ultrasound was truly amazing though. Just seeing how much my child has grown in two weeks....and watching the baby moving arms and legs in there. What a miracle. We found out everything is prefect, and he gave me stronger meds because I have had a headache for the past week. I don't like taking things but honestly Im starting to get desperate.

Oh and incase anyone is wondering, my wonderful amazing husband STILL isn't smoking! I am soo proud of him. And my cussing has went down A LOT. I still slip up sometimes but its getting better. God is really helping us both!

<3

lots to say lately!

Leaving the infertile pages is weird. I mean, I never really fit in anyways. Or at least thats how I felt, all of them had been trying to hard for so long. Bless their hearts. I always fit in better with the 'miscarriage group'. But I stayed because the things they commented about I was feeling at the time, and I prayed for them. I have wanted to leave them since before I was even pregnant, and once I got pregnant I wanted to leave them, but every time I tried I thought 'is this bad luck, what if I lose this baby, will I want those groups back?' Now I go back and read some of their comments and they are so RUDE and honestly MEAN. Women will post they finally got their dream, and they aren't even HAPPY for them, like at all. Which is strange. I was always sad for myself, but always happy for others. And if I just didn't feel happy for them,  I faked it. Because I knew when it was MY turn I would want people to be happy for me.

I was in this one private group, and when the game about how many weeks you are, and what you are craving came out. I went to post to tell them about it. No one really commented and they had been ignoring my posts lately anyways, so I decided to remove myself from the group. Later I got a message from a really sweet lady tell me she was sorry for how they had treated me and she hopes they didn't upset me. I was thinking, what is she talking about? Well I messaged her back, and asked a few good friends. Come to find out they commented back saying that it is wrong of me to go warn them about something yet have my profile picture as an ultrasound. Now, this is a private group so I can't go back and comment. But if I could I would say something along the lines of this 'Are guys really that depressed that you can't be happy for ANYONE? You don't know my struggles, so how are you going to treat me like crap. How do you know this ultrasound picture is a current pregnancy and not one from one of my previous m/c? you don't. Im sorry that you are this unhappy in your life, but I think you need to find peace with yourself. If your THAT unhappy you can't be happy for ANYONE'. I understand how painful trying to get pregnant is..and miscarriage. Its hard, its REALLY hard. It makes me wonder, was I that bitter and angry? I know I blogged and facebooked about it a lot, it helped me. So I wouldn't be depressing in real life. I pray that no matter what happens in my life, I will never be that angry or bitter at someone who got their dream.

Life is so crazy, you live and you learn and you grow from it. My miscarriages have taught me so much, made me grow & deff made me much stronger. I do wish they never happened but I also believe that God has a plan for all of us.

I read a blog a women wrong about the new game going around facebook. I loved it. She was saying how its not funny or cute. The game isn't helping spread breast cancer awareness...no one is donating money to the cause. So posting these status's isn't doing anything. She went on to say she suffers from secondary infertility (which is where you have a child no problems and then can't get pregnant after). She even took it as far as to say how some women who beat cancer are left infertile, and how would they feel to see this game going around joking about being pregnant. When I first saw the game, I was upset about it and I didn't like it. It made me think back to when I wasn't pregnant, and how all of my friends who have suffered from infertility, miscarriage or child loss would feel when they saw this game. Would their heart sink? Would they cry? I didn't like the idea of the game, but I just wasn't brave enough to say anything about it (me not brave enough to speak about something I feel so strongly about, weird haha). So then yesterday I wanted to blog about it, I really did..but something stopped me. Then I found this amazing blog...and now I know why I stopped. Because someone else had already written an amazing blog on the subject. I passed it on my facebook, and watched my friends pass it around too. Seeing it reposted made my day, it really did. Then a good friend of mine posted a status about it, saying how she doesn't agree with, and how its not cute to pretend your pregnant -people started passing that status around. Then I saw another friend with her version of the status..I'm so glad this is going around. I hope people think about that. Esp because if I was infertile after beating cancer I am pretty sure that would kill me inside.

When I said changes I had no clue

Today we got some really CRAZY news. I decided not to post it on my facebook status, just blog about it. and link to my blog of course haha. That way those who actually follow my blog will know and be special. and if it doesn't happen I didn't post all over facebook haha. Plus I dont want to embarrass my husband. :))

Today Justin got offered to go to ranger school. Those of you who are in the army know all about ranger school (well have heard of it). For those who haven't -its HARD. And its not easy to pass. But I really believe that if you set your mind to something, and if its in GODS plan, you can do it:) Needless to say he is a little nervous, he has watched those videos and they are scary haha. His SGT told him that this is a great opportunity for him (which we knew) and he has plenty of time to start training now! If he passes Ranger School  -not only will he be known as tough (or whatever). He will get a ranger tab. He will be automatically promoted to Sgt if he passes AND its $200 extra a month just for being a ranger. So needless to say I really hope he gets it:) Even if he doesn't pass, or they don't end up sending him (its the army anything can happen) I am really proud of him for getting this chance, and for them thinking of him. Right now they are only sending two people, which I have to say I am so proud of him too!:) (won't say names incase they don't wanna tell people yet). The army has given us so many blessings since we have joined. I just can't thank them enough.  But -with all good comes a little bad. Justin is already missing finding out the sex of our baby, because he will be in the field. Honestly, I am a little sad about it. But I think when you go through TTC and then miscarrying it helps you be thankful. So I am just thankful that GOD gave us the CHANCE to be parents. Besides his Sgt said he will make sure I can get ahold of Justin to let him know the sex:) Which is amazing. But now they are talking about sending them at the beginning of the year, right now they are saying Jan...which if its Jan would be perfect because he would be done before I had the baby (Hopefully, unless I go early). But if they push it to Feb, theres a chance he would miss the birth. His SGT said he could go after the baby was born, but honestly we know the army and if you skip a chance -you can probably kiss it goodbye. As much as I want my husband at the birth of our child. I really think GOD has a plan, and everything will work out. So many of friends husbands have missed their children's births and it wasn't the end of the world. Again, I am SO thankful for this chance to have a baby that really nothing can get me down about it. I pray he goes in Jan, it would be perfect. Although then he would be gone most of Oct/Nov home Dec gone Jan and part of feb and field time in March, so I would be missing a LOT of him. But come on, this is the army. And we have been in 2 years (in oct) with no deployment so we have been extremely blessed:) Justins reaction to being told he was going to ranger school was that hes going to get starved hahah. And hes really nervous, and he said that hes glad he quit smoking:)) He hasn't had a cigg since the day before yesterday! I am so proud of my husband, I dont think he can even begin to realize how amazing he is to me! Even if they end up telling him hes not going, Im still proud that he was offered it. <3