April is Infertility Awareness Month

 TTC After Loss "Infertility is a heart-wrenching, faith-questioning, relationship-testing, life-altering experience. April is Infertility Awareness Month. Whether a friend, a family member, a colleague or yourself has fought through this difficult fate that MILLIONS of women are fighting day in and day out. Post this as your status if you or someone you know has walked to hell and back for the chance to be a MOM."

I AM SICK OF BEING STRONG.

My period came again, what else is new. Don't get me wrong I'm very blessed AND THANKFUL to have a regular cycle (it was a few days early but thats ok) buttttt it would be wonderful if I could just be pregnant. April 15 will be 3months since I lost the baby. Aren't you supposed to be overly fertile after a miscarriage? Well looks like I didn't get that lucky. Most doctors will tell you to wait 3 cycles, well this period makes 3 cycles....so at least Im in that clear... but goodlord, every month when the blood comes its like a huge slap in the face. I seriously feel like the world is telling me I dont deserve to be a mother. I walk past my room and boom theres a perfect empty room. I look down at my stomach, still flat. I feel sick, nope its not because Im pregnant. Everyone tells me not to worry it will happen when its the 'right time' I love to believe that, but honestly I don't...why is it the right time for them, but not me? Could the timing get ANYMORE right? We have savings, we have a house, we would be loving parents, we are a great age, we have income, we have insurance..I don't know how many people get pregnant everyday & have NONE of those things.. Sighhhhhh....I feel like this is all I blog about, and I promise I AM a very happy person. If you met with me, hung out with me, you would know Im not depressing at all. I refuse to let this depression ruin me. So instead I blog about how depressed I am, it really really helps. I just hate thinking about the fact that we would have twins & a baby on the way, 3 is the max amount of kids we want, soooo our family would be almost complete. EVERYONE I know has a kid or is pregnant. Most are working on their 2nd, 3rd or 4th...and heres little ol me stuck on 0. Ahhhh...owell GOD works in crazy ways. I just think it would be more then perfect if this month was our month because I would then be due in Jan right around when I lost the baby this year, Seths birthday, My birthday,...maybe then Jan wouldn't have to be such a depressing month! I would also find out around mothers day && it would be 3 full cycles after the miscarriage.....sooo all I can do is pray. & know that even when life doesn't seem fair GOD IS IN CONTROL.

Moving on to a better subect.

We got post housing:))))))))))))))))))))))) I seriously thought eh it will be OK at best, who know I was going to love it soo much...not me!!! haha, but I do. I look around at my house all the time & I just think omggg I love this! We are getting our washer & dyers tonight, if my husband ever freaking gets off work lol. I'm soo excited to finally have a washer & dryer, even though my kitchen is going to be small now haha...owelllllll!:) Lately I have been hanging out with a lot of different friends, its been a lot of fun. I can deff tell its *almost* summer again because bbqs & events are starting to happen. Its great. Things have been awesome drama wise, Ive had a whole lot of none! I just pray it stays this way. Because I am really enjoying it!

A lot of people think I am crazy because I forgive people so easy, but heres the thing how can I expect God to forgive me for the things I have done wrong, if I can't forgive others. I know a lot of times I forgive people & actually become friends with them again, but I just know that I can find something in common with pretty much anyone. & I just love people. I have been screwed over quite a few times, but I also know Ive probably screwed others over too....and if they can't forgive me thats on them! But I will always forgive people. Some I will forgive & forget & be friends....some I will just forgive & neverrrrrr forget. Ive learned a lot here people don't want you to be friends with someone they don't like,...but I have recently learned that it CAN work if you want it to. & if someone wants to stop being your friend because your friends with someone else, thats on them! Ive learned just because someone does something to a friend doesnt mean you have to hate them. If I disliked everyone because certian people dont like them I would have 0 friends. Life is crazy, if it was up to me everyone would be friends! But thats obviously not how the world works, so I just have to try to be the very best person I can..<3

SAVING THE BEST NEWS FOR LAST:)<3

My mom & sister are coming!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't even wait to show them my new house && show them Texas, or Mexico as we like to call here lmao. I JUST CANTTTTT WAIT!! It's going to be amazzzzzzzzzing.<33333333