drama with the devil

I feel like blogging..I dont really have anything to say, or anything specific that is. But I am really bored so I feel the need to write.


TODAYY my very best friend Sandra is having her daughter!:) Shes actually in the hospital right now..with her husband-who got to be home on r&r for the birth! This is such a blessing, esp since he missed Seths birth. She went in at 6am this morning to be induced...so now we play the waiting game. Im sure the waiting game sucks wayyyy more for her considering shes the one there, going through the pain. But it suck for me too haha. Beind on the other side of the country, just waitttting for that text/call saying SHES HERE!!!:) haha. She said she guessed Kylee would be here around 4 (just a guess of course). Its only 1:38 there...poor girl lol. Ahh I can't wait:)


Anways...this week I have hung out with Jena & Jess everyday. And Jess & Liz twice! Must say its been an awesome week! I didn't go to coffee yesterday, just wasn't really in the mood! Instead we did a bunch of running around. I finally bought a printer, then got home to set it up & realized that I needed to get a cord, back to walmart...then back home to plug it in...and boom realized I had no paper...so then we went up to the PX lol. Its finally hooked up though...and after all that work-I found TWO coupons that I wanted, jeeze. haha, its okay! We have been saying we need to buy a printer for OVER a year! Yay for not having to use someone elses or run to the library every time I need to print something!


This weekend should be a good one! I'm going to a bbq at Jessicas tonight & tomorrow morning its up super early to do the postwide yard sale. I REALLY hope to make at least $20 lol. I dont have much, most of it is clothes & then some random junk. Jena has a bunch of things though, and she had furniture so we are going to do it at her house! This is Carahs FIRST yard sale-that shes not going to attend haha. She's visiting family but left some of her stuff for us to sell for her!:) Hopefully we can each make a little bit of money!


Two week wait is almost over. Period is due on the 2nd. Im already having all the period symptoms--which doesn't mean Im not pregnant, because I had all of these when I WAS pregnant. But who really knows. All I know is I hate the two week wait! Waiting two weeks for something I dont want to come anyways, that always comes. Ha. And then waiting two more weeks to ovulate...and then two more weeks to see if my period comes. Ohhh the vicious cycle. In all honesty its probably BEST my period DOES come this time, that way I can get into the doctors first so we can do some extensive testing to see a)whats up with this body of mine & b)why I am miscarrying at 5weeks. While I was 8weeks pregnant my first miscarriage, my baby stopped growing at 5weeks. This time my baby stopped growing at 5weeks & I miscarried right away. So whats up with the 5weeks? Hopefully Mr. Fertility will figure that out!


DRAMAAAAAA WITH THE DEVIL. You know I've said this before & I'll say it again..I used to really like drama in high school. But I think thats because I had never experienced drama like THIS. When I say drama I mean 'she was talking shit about you' -walks over to that person- 'why did u say this bitch'---'because I can'. You either got into a fist fight, yelling fight, or just didn't care. Regardless after your fist fight or yelling fight you both said what you needed to say-case closed. Moving on. It was funny, and I loved getting into arguments & fighting with girls. But here...its nothing like that. I really think this is beyond drama. People do the most fucked up things here. & last I checked if you want someone to know something you should IDK tell that person instead of making a fake profile to message someone, saying that 'someone' is talking crap about them. If you REALLY knew what you were talking about and you REALLY wanted to stay anonymous you could say 'wanna stay anonymous because dont want drama, thought you should know A is talking shit about you.' Its really not that hard. Buttt noooo you want to cause a bunch of drama because you LOVEE it even though your GROWN with TWO kids & have been married TWICE. Side note: Who really know if she will ever read this-Idk, but Im sure some how she will find out- she always does. Which is rather creepy. This girl finds out so much shit about my life its so funny to me. I used to get REALLY pissed off whenever she would say she knew whatever about my life. But it just occurred to me..I really dont care. You obviously have someone telling you about me, and good. Let them. You obviously have nothing better to do which is strange because I know why I have all the time in the world on my hands, but Im not sure why you do. Since your grown & everything. BTW I love the words you use. 'dramafest' & 'talk mad shit'...If your going to try to hide who you are, you might not want to use words that you ALWAYS use. You know, I love talking about you-your name tastes soooo good in my mouth! Telling everyone what a horrible person you are makes me feel good. You know why? Because you hurt so many of my friends. Saying their husbands cheated, beat them, my friends can't parent their kids right, this person was talking shit (when it was really all you), oh the list goes on & on. But you know what, krama is not a nice person, and shes going to get you. Using people to help you out when a good friend died ((a good friend that just a few months prior you were talking 'MAD SHIT' about)) mean while your talking crap about the person doing all those nice favors for you, watching your kids all day, buying balloons. You really are the devil aren't you. But the jokes on you now, because that last phone call we had, was the LAST time I will ever give you the time of day. I thought maybe after your miscarriage you would have grown up just a tad, but guess not. Your still into lying & twisting words. Next time you make ANOTHER facebook to send me messages saying your going to the COC, Im just going to go ahead & hit that 'block' and thats going to piss you off more then ANYTHING. Maybe you haven't gotten the hint that I DO NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FUCKING FRIEND. Maybe I should have told you like Vicki did! We haven't been friends since July. No one likes you, so just do yourself a favor & go some place else. Since your so GROWN & you have CHANGED then go find yourself some NEW 'friends' because your not getting your old ones back. No amount of sympathy is going to change that. Now I am sure somehow, someway this bitch is going to find out about this blog. & let me just say, if your the person sneaking around telling her things, go ahead because your going to anyway..but then go ahead & delete yourself. Dont worry I won't even notice Im sure, because I honestly have no clue who you are.


AGAIN, for ANYONE I hurt last summer. I'm saying sorry, again, from the bottom of my heart. To some of you, I was not even close to a friend. I thought it was OK because everyone was doing it. But thats not ok! If everyone was going to jump off a bridge I wouldn't do it, so why did I feel it was okay to do this? I dont know, but I am sorry nothing can fix or change what I did, but I can say sorry & mean it, and hope that means something to you guys!<3<3<3<3

If you are feeling like this-just delete me.

Yesterday I got some amazing news! I got my referral & I am going off post! When I went to my appointment last week she told me I would be going on post to an OBGYN that deals with reproductive health. So when I called them yesterday that was what I was expecting but they quickly told me I was going to be going off post, and to call another number. I was super excited because that meant I could pick my OWN doctor...well I couldn't have been more wrong. I called the next number they told me to call & the voice on the other end was telling me that the already had a doctor picked for me & to call Texas Tech to make my appointment. I was a little disappointed as I did want to pick my own doctor, but when I called them that doctor no longer worked there, so then I call tricare back they give me a another name, I call texas tech back, that doctor doesn't work there either. So the lady at Texas Tech tells me they just don't have a fertility specialist all they have are obgyns. So I call tricare & they give me the OK to pick my own doctor! So I quickly get the name and number of a doctor I have already researched & been wanting to make an appointment with (Thank you Amber). So I call my NEWWW doctor & I have an appointment May 9th at 9:30. Im veryyy nervous but Im also really excited. Honestly its really bittersweet to say I have a fertility doctor.  Its awesome because that means I get help, get REAL testing...see why Im not getting pregnant. But it sucks because this means its real, I need a fertility doctor. I can't wait to get in there & start working for a solution to the problem! And Im VERY nervous because what if he tells me he doesn't wanna help me! I know I know its dumb, but you never freaking know. Owell lets pray for the best<3

Moving on:

So as all of you know that follow my blogs or my facebook...Ive been VERYY depressed lately. Its very obvious. Why you may ask? Well lets see, Ive lost 3 babies (two pregnancies) to miscarriage. The most recent was in Jan. Which to you may seem like a while ago, but to someone who trys and trys and trys every month. Its not easy.Ive been trying to get pregnant almost 13months, which to some people isn't that long...which actually breaks my heart. Because I do know several who have been trying for years, and I just want to cry for them. BUTT they are strong just like I am, and together we will get through this<3 Do I think I am a little dramatic at times, yess deff. But its not something I can just change with a snap of a finger. I'm working on it. The bitterness, the sadness & deff the depression. I like to think of myself as a really nice person. Am I jealous of pregnant women, deff. Am I bitter to the ones who don't appreciate, yes deff.  But I am working on it. And I just have to say to EVERYONE...I'm sorry for being so bitter, butttt its not something that is just going to change over night. Im sorry but its not. If you expect me to just go back to the happy go lucky Kim, please do yourself a favor & unfriend me now. Because you obviously have no clue & you obviously don't care. I talked to a friend the other day & she helped me realize a lot of things. It took a lot for her to talk to me about these things  & I respect the HELL out of her for it. And I certainly appreciate it. One thing she did tell me is that I am going to lose friends if I don't stop being so depressing & bitter. At first I was like wow, I can't believe she said that to me. Then I was hurt, but now after giving it some though, first off after talking to her, I realized that I have been bitter & what not...BUT it also made me realize that someone is truly is your friend, cares about you & loves you would talk to me about things. Instead of being like 'Gosh shes annoying & she piss's me off, we aren't friends anymore'. So if your someone who thinks Im depressing, bitter, and this awful person & you can't stand to see my blogs/updates but don't have the balls to talk to me about them. Please go ahead  & remove yourself right now! Because I deff do NOT need people like that in my life. I promise Im not an awful person. but I am going through some shit. Shit that you may or may not know anything about. Everyones situations are different. Everyone who has lost a baby knows the feeling, but not everyone knows the exact pain YOU are going through. This blog I follow this girl tried 2 years to get pregnant and then lost the baby. I know how it feels to lose a baby, but I certainly don't know how it feels to try 2 years. So everyones live & situations are different. But its the way you talk to me, if you come to me & tell me Im this horrible person, Im deff not going to open up to you, but if you tell me your worried about me. I'll be a lot more likely to talk to you. Also I was told my status on facebook are getting depressing as hell, I dont want to be that person. I DONT. So I am going to do my best to have more positive status's from now on. Because I just don't want to be that 'depressing girl that everyone hides from their newsfeed'. I dont want to be like this, and I really am trying to cheer up. But if you don't want to talk to me when your feeling a certain way, but you want to talk shit about me..please Im begging you just remove yourself because that is not a friend. To everyone else, your amazing.

Thanks so much for all the love & support seriously. I wouldn't make it through without you guys. & that friend that talked to me, your amazing. While some of the stuff REALLY hurt me....and I was mad at some of it while we were talking...I cant thank you enough for actually telling me how you TRULY feel. It amazes me that people like you exist in this world.

Friends:)

Today I realized yesterday was my due date with my first loss. My twins would have been 4 yesterday, its kind of sad because I didn't realize till today (I didn't know yesterday was the 20th), however...at least I wasn't able to spend the day depressed!  Its just weird to think of me running around chasing  twin 4year olds..Crazzzzy! I can't even see that! Looks like everything happens for a reason....my second loss, I dont know what the reason yet. And I may never know...

I must say, ever since I have moved into my new house I don't think I have spent one day alone (like while Justin was at work). I have some really awesome friends that are willing to come over every day and hang out with me. ((Im so much closer now!!)) I just want to let you guys know you hanging out with me really helps pull me out of my depression! Yeah of course Im always going to be depressed about the miscarriages buttt hanging out with you guys really helps. I mostly get horribly sad a night time...but at least durning the day I can have a great time! You guys are the best, thanks so much, for everything! I seriously don't know what I would do without you!<3

So May is going to come in horribly but towards the end of the month I KNOW it will get better! And at the end its going to be amazing. Its going to start bad because I the first week in may I would be finding out the sex of my baby, Id have a bump, Id be getting ready to buy things...so its going to be a little hard. Mile stones will always be hard. But I am strong & I can get through this. Towards the middle of the month I know it will get much much better && then the end of the month is going to be AMAZING because my mom & sister are coming! I can't even wait. 

EASTER!:) This year I feel like I really want to do up holidays good because I actually have a house, and I feel like this is 'home' or as close to home as I can get away from home. Last year I just felt like it was an apartment that we lived in lol. So I decorated some stuff, not much but I got some little signs that say easter & spring, got some window clings for the door & decorated my tree with eggs. Im also going to have Easter with some friends over here Im pretty excited:) and then I bought some eggs to do an easter egg hunt for the kids, I can't even wait! If God doesn't want me to have my own kids yet, I can do these things with my friends kids!:) I'm so excited for Easter now lol. Today Jena, Jess, Carah & I went up to the px to decorate cookies it was pretty fun, not what we expected but hey it was still fun:) and then we came back & hung out at my house & we ended up coloring easter eggs (Carahs first time, awesome lol)..it was so fun! I'm soo glad I have friends here that I'm able to do this stuff with! 

Army life sucks sometimes. You get close to someone, you grow to love them & think of them as your family, well I mean your army family...and then boom they move. Even the talk about them moving is heartbreaking. Jess is leaving in Aug, its for sure..shes going to Hawaii, shes really lucky & Im super happy for her. Carah has been talking about going to her Kanas since I have met her, its only 3 hours away from her home town, & shes really big on family. So it would be a dream come true for her. & Jena is talking about going to Germany! Its awesome for all of them, but Im not going to lie, it sucks...its sad how close I have gotten to them & now they are just going to pick up & Leave me? haha jk about the me part. Its deff bittersweet, they are going to go get to travel & move...and I know they are going to love it. Butt its sad to see them go. I mean Im super super happy for them, but I certianly wouldn't cry if they lost orders & got stuck here, lmao. Ohhh the army is so amazing, but so horrible haha. Someone is always talking about PCSing, actually pcsing, getting out of the army, moving home for deployment. But I can't say if I wasn't offered to leave this place I wouldn't take it, because we probably would. I love Texas so much, but this is the army life, and thats what we do! We pack, move, follow & build a home wherever we are! ohhhh army, you have been so good to me, but our relationship won't always be like this lol. 

Dont read if you get offened easy.

I finally did it. I made an appointment to go ask for my referal to see a fertlity doctor. Its a huge step, but I feel like its the right one. I hate those words even, saying it is like admitting out loud & to myself, that I have a problem. A serious problem. I still have a lot of good on my side, and I do feel like I dont really need to see a specialst considering after the horrible depo & seasonique I did finally get my cycles regular. & once I did, boom was pregnant. However, every month I give myself a reason why I don't want to do go. I promised myself I would go if I wasn't pregnant by April, well then I got pregnant, so I figured, why go, you obviously can get pregnant. So then I convinced myself that I had to go off post to get help staying pregnant, well then they ran all those tests and we see nooo reason why I can't have a successful pregnancy, so then I'm like okay lets wait till my period comes. Then it comes...and I make an excuse why it will happen next month. Well this is where I finally put my foot down & said enough is enough. Its been a year, & while I totally understand why it took a year...Its still been a year. & I refuse to waste anymore time just hoping next month is my month. By the time I actually go to the doctor, next monday, get my refferal, & see my new doctor it will be May I'm sure.  I know, that no matter what happens, this is the very best decision for me. So I am very proud of myself.

I was talking to a friend last night, who also deals with TTC, and were sitting there talking about how we can't WAIT to throw up. Its funny really, girls who don't have troubles getting pregnant maybe don't complain about being sick, but they deff don't apperciate it. If you reading this blog thinking yep, I got pregnant & loved everything about it, esp the morning sickness..you must have had troubles getting pregnant. A lot of times I get told 'seriously you say that now, but you won't feel that way when your pregnant'. Heres the thing, Im willing to bet you a million dollars I do. The pain most pregnant women again mabye don't complain about, but deff find annoying. We won't. I can assure you we will enjoy every step of being pregnant. Ahh I can't even wait. I can't wait to show everyone how dumb they are:) I can't wait to have a huge belly, I can't wait to feel my child kick me, I can't wait to NOT sleep at night, I can't wait to hear my childs cry in the middle of the night. I can't wait for all the good that comes with being a monther, but I also can't wait for all the bad. I truly truly belive that trying for your child is a horrible thing, and sucks while your going through it, but will be worth it in the end, and someday I will be thankful for having to try so hard, because it deff has made me apperciate a lot. Losing my babies was the hardest thing I ever had to go through, second hardest trying month after month with no results. But, in the end this is going to make me stronger, and wayyy more apperciatve then I would have been otherwise:)<3

Moving on to a totally different subject.

The shutdown. Of course yes its over now & military will be getting our full check. But I have to say that was DAMN scary. As I said over & over again, Justin & I would have been more then fine. We wouldn't have had to worry about a thing. But I was stressed out so much for others, I can't count the amount of families I KNEW would be struggling horribly from not getting paid. I was getting really pissed off though because everyone was like WELL this is why you should have savings. Ok, I will be the first to tell you that I think EVERYONE should save money. EVERYONE. But somtimes I do see how its just not possible. And I also don't think that THAT was the time to bitch at people for not having a savings account. Now that its all over & done with, I deff will say I think even putting $10 a check in savings is a good idea. But seriously. Then I had so many people posting status's 'I dont wanna hear you bitch about it anymore, if it happens, it happens'. Buttt did you watch the news? Because I did, and all those status's that you didn't want to see, were on the news. They were saying military was expressing their concerns through facebook. So if you ask me, my bitching worked. I'm sure its not the decicing factor, butttt if you were up there wanting to get re elected wouldn't you not want to piss off a big group of people, such as us??? Also, I saw a lot of people getting mad about others bitching about the president. Well heres my opinion, hes a douchebag. Yeah I said it, I hate him. I feel like he hasn't done anything. And seriously ALL this was going on & he 'might cancel his vacation'. Really?? Military families EVERYWHERE were stressing out, and this mother fucker wants to go on vacation? Seriously? I can honestly say I dont think obama respects the military AT ALL. Sure he came out to ft bliss, more like he came to try to prove to us he cares, he doesn't fucking care. He was never in the military so he doesn't understand the military. & as I said, it doesn't respect the military. I seriously hope he doesn't get re-elected next year. People get pissed at me for saying this buttt I was in college at the time he was elected & I can't even count the number of people I over heard saying that they were only voting for him because he was black. I worked at pizza hut, where I heard many people say they wanted him elected because hes young a black. I know soo many black people that voted that year JUST because they wanted to vote for him,..because hes black. It maked me sick, when I heard he was elected I president, I wanted to throw up. Barack Hussein Obama II look at that name, I know you guys are going to think Im fucking nuts, and thats okay:) Buttt I swear to god I feel like hes a terriost, or works for them, or something. People say the world is going to end in 2012, yes because our president is going to help blow the fucker up. ha, just kidding about that part. But I seriously seriously seriously seriously get a bad vibe from the man. & I dont for ONE second believe he was born in the US. Also, he doesn't say the Pledge of allegiance, why??? I dont understand. Ahhh, I hate the man. I hate him, I hate him, I fucking hate him! Also, it really bothers me that we don't say the pledge of allergiance in schools anymore, thats awful. I dont give a fuck who we offend, if you dont like it GO BACK TO YOUR OWN COUNTRY. & talking about Prayer & Gods word offends people, who the hell cares. ONE NATION UNDER GOD. If you don't believe in God, then don't pray along with us. No one said you have to believe it, but not being able to even talk about God is getting awful. MAYYYBE the world wouldn't be such a horrible place if they let God back into our schools. I'm just saying, whooooo cares who we offend. IT offends me that abortion is legal && many many many others in this world, but they won't change that for us will that.

Speaking of abortion. I was reading on my fav TTC page, and this girl commented & said her sister was thinking of having her 3rd abortion (guess she decided to keep the baby though) and that her sister had been trying FOREVER to get pregnant & was having loss's and what not, that she begged her sister to let them adopt the baby & she said no. Then another girl commented with pretty much the same story. Now I have to say if I was in their shoes & my sister had an abortion. I would NOT forgive her, an I don't think I would ever talk to her again. ALSO one of these girls said they had miscarriage twice, the days they were supposed to get the abortion? Ummm...seriously first off all if your going to have a fucking abortion own up to to...stop trying to say you had a miscarriage when it reality you killed your baby. Girls like that make me wanna throw up! So then another girl comments & says that she knows a girl that had 6 abortions, yes 6. And now wants a baby & can't get pregnant & shes upset about it. OKAYYYYY HOLD THE PHONE>>>This bitch is mad beause she can't get pregnant after she killed 6 babies? I WOULD be so pissed off THAT BITCH got another try, when I know soo many that can't even get pregnant with one baby. The girl said she 'felt for her' hell to the no, I dont even feel for her becuase our situations are complelety diferent....your a whore who can't keep her legs closed so she kills babys, and Im a girl who has had two miscarriages. No we are NOTHING IN COMMON. I seriously think if they are going to keep abortion legal they need to say you can't get more then one. Sorry, USE BIRTH CONTROL &&&& CONDOMS & stop being a fucking whore. <-- I dont care if all those babies were by the same guy, your still a whore in my book. When I hear the word abortion, I want to throw up. I mean really throw up. I used to hate it really bad, but now I straight up fucking despise it. And to be honest, I think its really selfish, if you dont want that baby then give that child to someone who does. I CANT EVEN COUNT the number of people I know that have been trying YEARS or know they can't get pregnant at all. They would LOVE to take your baby. 'I can't do that, I can't carry a baby for 9months & give it up for adooption', butttttt you can kill one? I dont understand your thinking. I did a assignment in school for abortion, I wish I still had it...I would deff be posting that shit all over my facebook. Seriously a womens right to choose my fucking ass, what about thou shall not kill? Shakes my damn head. I'm sorry but everyone is entited to thier opinions & this my mine. I hate our stupid fucking president & I hate abortion. And the topic abortion has been PRETTY high latly with the whole planned parenthood bullshit. DID YOU KNOW that only 1% of all abortions occur because of rape or incest. 6% occur because of potential health problems & 95% for social reasons ((the child isn't wanted or its 'inconvient')). My hopes is that SOMEONE that is wanting to get an abortion reads this & realize ITS WRONG. And that if you REALY dont want your chilld, their are many families out there that would love to adopt your child. Think about that, your child would have an awesome family & an awesome life. Your child isn't going to hate you because you put him/her up for adoption, esp if they know you were considering abortion. I hate a friend that was thinking about it in high school, she ended up changing her mind...once he was born she would randomly look at him & start crying so hard because he's her whole life & she couldnt believe she even considering abortion. If you are considering one, know the facts, but not only do you need to know the facts, you need to know that there are many familes out thier that can NEVER have children. & while you don't know how that feels, let me tell you from personal experience it hurts like a fucking bitch.

<333

April is Infertility Awareness Month

 TTC After Loss "Infertility is a heart-wrenching, faith-questioning, relationship-testing, life-altering experience. April is Infertility Awareness Month. Whether a friend, a family member, a colleague or yourself has fought through this difficult fate that MILLIONS of women are fighting day in and day out. Post this as your status if you or someone you know has walked to hell and back for the chance to be a MOM."

I AM SICK OF BEING STRONG.

My period came again, what else is new. Don't get me wrong I'm very blessed AND THANKFUL to have a regular cycle (it was a few days early but thats ok) buttttt it would be wonderful if I could just be pregnant. April 15 will be 3months since I lost the baby. Aren't you supposed to be overly fertile after a miscarriage? Well looks like I didn't get that lucky. Most doctors will tell you to wait 3 cycles, well this period makes 3 cycles....so at least Im in that clear... but goodlord, every month when the blood comes its like a huge slap in the face. I seriously feel like the world is telling me I dont deserve to be a mother. I walk past my room and boom theres a perfect empty room. I look down at my stomach, still flat. I feel sick, nope its not because Im pregnant. Everyone tells me not to worry it will happen when its the 'right time' I love to believe that, but honestly I don't...why is it the right time for them, but not me? Could the timing get ANYMORE right? We have savings, we have a house, we would be loving parents, we are a great age, we have income, we have insurance..I don't know how many people get pregnant everyday & have NONE of those things.. Sighhhhhh....I feel like this is all I blog about, and I promise I AM a very happy person. If you met with me, hung out with me, you would know Im not depressing at all. I refuse to let this depression ruin me. So instead I blog about how depressed I am, it really really helps. I just hate thinking about the fact that we would have twins & a baby on the way, 3 is the max amount of kids we want, soooo our family would be almost complete. EVERYONE I know has a kid or is pregnant. Most are working on their 2nd, 3rd or 4th...and heres little ol me stuck on 0. Ahhhh...owell GOD works in crazy ways. I just think it would be more then perfect if this month was our month because I would then be due in Jan right around when I lost the baby this year, Seths birthday, My birthday,...maybe then Jan wouldn't have to be such a depressing month! I would also find out around mothers day && it would be 3 full cycles after the miscarriage.....sooo all I can do is pray. & know that even when life doesn't seem fair GOD IS IN CONTROL.

Moving on to a better subect.

We got post housing:))))))))))))))))))))))) I seriously thought eh it will be OK at best, who know I was going to love it soo much...not me!!! haha, but I do. I look around at my house all the time & I just think omggg I love this! We are getting our washer & dyers tonight, if my husband ever freaking gets off work lol. I'm soo excited to finally have a washer & dryer, even though my kitchen is going to be small now haha...owelllllll!:) Lately I have been hanging out with a lot of different friends, its been a lot of fun. I can deff tell its *almost* summer again because bbqs & events are starting to happen. Its great. Things have been awesome drama wise, Ive had a whole lot of none! I just pray it stays this way. Because I am really enjoying it!

A lot of people think I am crazy because I forgive people so easy, but heres the thing how can I expect God to forgive me for the things I have done wrong, if I can't forgive others. I know a lot of times I forgive people & actually become friends with them again, but I just know that I can find something in common with pretty much anyone. & I just love people. I have been screwed over quite a few times, but I also know Ive probably screwed others over too....and if they can't forgive me thats on them! But I will always forgive people. Some I will forgive & forget & be friends....some I will just forgive & neverrrrrr forget. Ive learned a lot here people don't want you to be friends with someone they don't like,...but I have recently learned that it CAN work if you want it to. & if someone wants to stop being your friend because your friends with someone else, thats on them! Ive learned just because someone does something to a friend doesnt mean you have to hate them. If I disliked everyone because certian people dont like them I would have 0 friends. Life is crazy, if it was up to me everyone would be friends! But thats obviously not how the world works, so I just have to try to be the very best person I can..<3

SAVING THE BEST NEWS FOR LAST:)<3

My mom & sister are coming!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't even wait to show them my new house && show them Texas, or Mexico as we like to call here lmao. I JUST CANTTTTT WAIT!! It's going to be amazzzzzzzzzing.<33333333