Just writing

Im stuck, and I just don't know what to do.

Its been (almost) a year since I got off birth control & we started trying to get pregnant. In the begining it was 'if it happens it happens', but I was trying the whole time (haha). I didn't ovulate at all though till Aug, which Justin wasn't here for. My cycle was still messed up from Aug/Sept & so Justin still wasn't back when I oulvated in Sept. My cycle was finally regular in Oct & I had sex durning ovulation...then Nov same thing...then boom Dec I got pregnant. So if you look it like that that, while its been a whole year, once my cycle got regular I got pregnant VERY quickly. My last pregnancy was pretty much the same thing, only I had no clue when I was ouvlating I just had sex a lot haha...I got off birth control March, and got pregnant in July. So both times pretty quickly. After the miscarrige this time I kept my regular cycle (so far). So if my cycle stays the same, and history repeats itself, its possible that I could be pregnant in the next couple months again. But then we all know that we can't predict the future. So what I am mostly stuck on is do I go ahead & make that appointment to try to get reffered off post & get help, or give it a few more months. Part of me wants off post anyways just so I can be seen & watched more closey with my next pregnancy..but another part of me knows that honestly theres nothing they can do even if they do see me early so whats the point. I do think though if I give it a few more months & nothing happens I might be mad at myself because I wasted time that I could have been getting help. But then I'm like thats stupid to get mad at, because I am so young I have a lot of years. I just dont want to go to the doctor & get fertility meds, because I honestly don't think I need them, and I really want to do this natural. But then Im sick of waiting, Ive wanted to be a mom since before I was 16...and now 2 miscarriages later, a year of trying, & years of wanting it..Im getting a little fed up I guess. I also realize that GOD WILL give me my blessing WHEN its the right time. I was talking to my mom last night, she said follow my heart...honestly, I dont know what my heart is telling me to do. Mostly I feel like it says just wait, and if I get pregnant & Im still on post just make an appointment & have them do blood work right away.  I think mostly I want to just keep doing what I am doing & give it some more time...and I just have to know if it doesn't happen in a few months that I make the appointment & don't be mad at myself for not making the appointment sooner. Guess I just made up my mind, maybe later I will change my mind but idk. I kind of feel like this is the best choice.

Not much has really been going on lately..Justins been in the feild like crazy. So Ive just been hanging out with friends! This week he goes again but just for one night because of our marriage retreat. Which I am very excited about! Its on Thursday & Friday!!:) And then over the weekend I have to hurry up & pack the rest of our stuff...because we move on MONDAY! Ah its crazy in a week we move..I'm a little worried that something is going to happen & we won't be able to move....but we signed for the house so I think we are safe. Who really knows. If we go in there & they tell us they dont have a house for us, all hell will break loose! haha. Im getting so excited to start decorting our house, and Im going to make an angel garden in the backyard I can't even waitttt. Its going to be so beautiful! & Then I can go buy a welcome sign...and door mats & all this great stuff that I never cared to buy while I lived here. haha. Im deff going to start watering my grass too. Ekk I am so excited! LOL. The only thing that sucks is the $$ Im going to have to spend to do all this, but hey, its going to be worth it to make our house become our home! I also need to start looking more at washer & dryers. I found some at the PX for like 550 for both, but they are really basic ones so I'm just thinking about it for right now. Theres some rumors going around about how we may not get paid for April first...we better! LOL. Thats all Im saying. I dont really think it will happen, buttt that would suck for so many people if it did. We have savings so we could be okay till we got our back pay, but its still scary to think about. & scary for people who don't have savings. Ah, lets  just hope not.

They are still telling Justin hes getting his waiver for E4 as of right now (not sure if I wrote about this yet or not), hes supposed to be getting pinned on the 1st, buttt who really knows. Its the army so we aren't getting our hopes up, but I am praying for it. So I guess we wait & see what happens!

Okay well back to my pretty little lairs marathon!:)))))