blessed & remembering I am not alone

I just want to say THANK YOU to my oh so wonderful husband who decided to share his cold with me. I knew as soon as he started to get sick I was going to get it, I asked him how it started so I could be prepared. And sure enough- today my throat started hurting. I know we share everything together, but THIS is not something I wanted to share, haha. I've been doing sooo good not getting colds ever since I started taking my immune support vitamins...sure enough I started slacking & didn't take it all this week & boom a cold comes sneaking in, haha. At least it's just now starting to maybeee I can stop it, or at least not let it get too bad.


Doctors appointment= love. I met my newww fertility doctor yesterday. I must say, I loved him. He told me (as they all do) that I am young, two miscarriages IS normal - which again I knew - he told me that doctors all over the world agree that you don't have an issue until you have 3 or more miscarriages. However, he is STILL going to help me. Which I find amazing. We started by discussing family history and my history. I then went on to get a pelvic exam (I kept saying pap but after talking to my mom I realized it was a pelvic lol), he said everything looked normal. He did ask if where he was touching hurt-the left side did but the right side didn't at all. He said the left side seemed tender and he would keep an eye on it and try to figure out why. Then I went over to quest to get blood work, they took 10 tubes & tested for several things. I go back in two weeks for a ultrasound and to get my results from the blood test. If anything is seriously wrong they will call me. Two weeks after my ultrasound I will have another appointment to discus the results of that & to plan the next step. He has HIGH hopes that I will get pregnant && have a successful pregnancy. I am extremely happy with the way things turned out. Oh and he sat down & told me all of the reasons that could cause miscarriage..it was a little scary to hear, but we are testing for all of those things so I will find out soon enough. Nowww can two weeks fly by for me please? 


Justin had CQ last night, so it was just me hanging out at the house. It was actually kind of relaxing I just watched TV & played on facebook. Until I got a migraine, that part wasn't fun, so I took some meds & slept it off-Thankfuly that worked. During the day I went shopping with Vicki, we went to kohls-picked out everything we wanted & then realized that her coupon wasn't until Weds, so we left, haha. Since Justin had CQ last night, he obviously has the day off today, so we are just hanging out!<3 Sometimes I wish he NEVER had to work, haha. We could just spend all the time together, but then I realize that we would DEFF drive each other NUTSSSSS.


So Amber & I started talking about making our own page on facebook, we made Think Positive: Infertility support, we just made it like last week and we are already up to 200 likes. Its amazing. I think I love that page so much because people are so active on there, and that page means something! Although, I'm NOT going to lie it breaks my heart to see ALL of these women struggling with infertility & miscarriage. It sure shows a lot of women that are ARE NOT alone though. You know, as crapy as this journey has been I believe it happened for a reason. Maybe that reason is to help others? When I hear a story of a women who was TTC for YEARS and then gets pregnant, I just want to cry for her. It seriously makes me so happy. Or those women who go through several loss's and then finally get their miracle they were trying so hard for. It breaks my heart that they went through that much pain, but I know that the struggle made them better parents. When it takes you a while to get pregnant, you really start to understand how you got pregnant. I know with my first pregnancy I was like eh I had sex everyday an got pregnant. With my second though I knew how that baby was made, it was amazing. I certainly wouldn't wish this on anyone, but I am starting to realize that there is a reason that its happening like this. I don't care what anyone says, the harder you work to get pregnant & the more you go through...the more appreciative you are. I never thought I would appreciate having a period every month, but I do. Because I know that because of that awful thing every month, I have a chance every month to conceive my child. I can't tell you HOW thankful I am that I have been pregnant twice, and that my cycle is regular...I am just praying soo hard that I don't have to endure any more loss's, because as strong as I am- I don't know if I can handle another one. Although, if you would have asked me before I would have told you I couldn't imagine surviving 2. & I have done that. All I know is GOD is on my side, and I am very blessed to have everything in my life. For the first time since Jan, I feel totally happy. I feel like this is my purpose in life, to be there to show others that they are NOT alone!<3 


Some people don't agree that I am a mother-and thats fine. But one thing I would like to say about that is, I may not be a mother like YOU who has your child on earth, but I do everything I can every month to get pregnant, I treat my body like its pregnant every month -just in case - I have 3 beautiful angels in heaven. Which I have to say is more children that a lot of my friends have on earth. I wanted my babies, I tried for them, I did everything I could to get pregnant, I love them still to this day -and always will...& if that isn't a mother then I don't know what is.<3