8 months!

I know I am like a broke record, every time I blog I say how how it has been first so I will skip this time. I am going to stay I need to start doing shorter updates more often.

Anyways..

Our little miracle is now 8 months old. 8 months, can you believe it? You would think I'd be used to having her around, but nope...sometimes I still look at her and cry because I am so thankful we were blessed with this amazing child. One thing I always remember hearing (sometimes I even found it annoying) DON'T BLINK time will go fast.... now I catch myself saying it almost every day. It really does so fast every day she does something new. 

I don't remember the last time I even blogged but she started sitting up between 5-6 months, which I was very happy about. We are doing baby led weaning and we gave her avocado for her first food a few days after she turned 6 months. She started staring hardcore at food around 3 months, grabbing around 4, and it was hard to keep it away between 5-6 months. Finally around 6 months I let her have a taste (I waited because of the open gut). She ate a little here and there but not much. I gave her food and she really just sucked on it so then it would be one a week if that. About 7 months I started giving her food more often- every couple days. Now at 8 months she gets food every day. I just give her strips of whatever I am eating. We tried giving her ONE jar of baby food because Justin wanted too. I think he was sad that he never gets to feed her so we were at walmart and he asked, so I said fine. We got all all natural stuff she hated it. He offered it a few times and she wasn't having it so we gave her real food and she was good even since. Now she wouldn't let us feed her off a spoon if we tried, haha. I try to get her mashed potatoes sometimes and it doesn't go over so well. I couldn't imagine doing it any other way though. Watching her eat while we eat just looks so natural. 

She starting working on crawling between 6-7 months and finally was full force by 7 months. Shortly after that she was all over the house. Now she follows me from room to room. It is been over a month since she started crawling and I am STILL amazed when she follows me into the bathroom:) She is getting really good a furniture cruising and loves to pull herself up on EVERYTHING, even the dog. Which reminds me -not so sure Bella likes her now that is so active. Alyssa's favorite thing is to pull Bella's ears....adorable. :) Speaking of pulling herself up on things...she showers with me daily now. I know a lot of moms like showers to be their alone time, and believe me when I do take a shower alone it is nice but it does feel really weird (I really enjoy being able to take a long shower and not worrying about what she is doing because she is with me)...anyways back on topic....so I used to drain all the water and leave her sitting in the tub while I dry off, get dresser, brush my hair, and teeth she would sit and play with her toys......now that pulls herself up she decided she is a big girl and can get out of the tube herself. Problem is -she can't! LOL. So TWICE now she pulled her leg up and flipped out..... so needles to say we don't do that anymore ;) 

I don't know if I already say this but our family is about to PCS to Hawaii!!! We leave Texas in just one week...very excited. We will be going to MI for about a month and then will be in Hawaii by the first of the year. :) We are very excited. I am not sure how Justin feels because you know, he talks about his feelings so openly and everything. I know I am excited but nervous. The move is very bittersweet for me. 

I know this wasn't too long...but I gotta run, I have to get ready to go to your going away party<3 div="div" nbsp="nbsp">

PS I also think I should try and figure out how to get pictures of my beautiful baby on here for the next blog. 

Controversial Parenting Tag

There are blogs going around called controversial parenting tag going around, so I thought I would chime in since I am very opinionated :) I don't know how to tag people, so if you read this then I am tagging you to do one as well :) 

The Topics: 
Pro-life Vs. Pro-choice
Baby Wearing
Circumcision
Adoption
Baby Piercing
Breast Milk Vs. Formula
Spanking
Co-sleeping
Home Vs. Public Vs. Private Vs. Charter Schooling 
Vaccinations
Medicating Children
Cloth Vs. Disposable diapers 
CIO Method

Everyone has their own views -here are mine.


Pro-life VS Pro Choice - I am very pro-life. I have recently started understanding a little more the pro-choice side, but I am still very pro-life. I believe that life begins at conception and we shouldn't have the choice to take that life away. The only time I am on the fence is for rape cases.. and even then I personally would never have an abortion regardless of rape.

Baby Wearing - I really don't understand why this is controversial, but here are my views on baby wearing. When I first had Alyssa I knew nothing about it. I was lucky enough to be given an ergo that I hung on to. I also had a bag sling (awful). I didn't know there was a right or wrong way to baby wear but there DEFIANTLY is. For instance -crotch dangler are NOT okay. Other then that, I am a big baby wearing fan. I used to use a stroller with Alyssa when she was an infant but I found that I would end up pushing the stroller and holding her in my arm regardless. With my next baby I will use a sling from day one and I will not purchase a stroller. I now wear Alyssa EVERY WHERE. We actually just went to the zoo about a month ago and we brought the stroller just in case, she sat in there maybe 5 minutes. So I am a BIG baby wearing fan I think EVERYONE should do it, but I am not going to judge you because you use a stroller. 

Circumcision - This is obviously a HUGE controversial topic and I feel very strongly about it. When I was pregnant with Alyssa the topic came up a few times but I didn't know anything about it, to be honest I didn't even realize what happened durning a circumcision. After I had Alyssa I found support online for breastfeeding and the pages talked about circumcision a lot. After a while of reading the debates over and over again I noticed the pro-circ people would say the same things and they were ALWAYS debunked they ended the debate with 'well it is my child, my choice. The anti-circ crowd had so many facts, I couldn't believe it. I decided to research it. One I did I realized right away I was against, and I couldn't believe all that I learned. I also watched SEVERAL videos of the procedure being done because I figured if I couldn't sit through them without cringing I shouldn't do that to my child. I probably have watched 5+ videos now (because people always say it isn't like that in real life) they are all the same and I cringe every time. It is unnecessary and not to mention all the wonderful functions of the foreskin ;) I don't understand how anyone could do that to their prefect baby boy after knowing the facts. I am not going to go into it too much because I could write a book, but leave a comment if you have any questions. (If you are wanting to know where to start your research the whole network is a great place to start. Over all, if we have a son he WILL remain intact. 

Adoption - I am in favor of adoption, I think it is wonderful and would love to adopt an older child. I really don't know what else to say about this topic other then being pro-life I would much rather you put your child up for adoption then have an abortion. I know a lot of friends who struggled to get pregnant or stay pregnant (myself included) so yes I am defiantly a fan of adoption! I think it is amazing. 

Baby piercing - This one gets pretty ugly too. When I was pregnant with Alyssa I was planning on when to get her ears pierced, I was on that same Facebook page (milkie mamas, in case anyone is interested) and they were discussing how using guns to pierce ears isn't ideal. The debate got pretty heated and I read all the comments. I looked into piercing with a gun, talked to my mom (who didn't do ours as a baby) and I realized that it isn't my body to modify so I was going to let her make the decision. I wouldn't say I am an anti-ear piercing but I don't really see the point. I loved that my mom made us wait because it was such an awesome day, knowing what I know now I am thankful that she let us chose (that wasn't why but still lol). 

Breast milk VS formula: Obviously if you follow my blogs you know I am vey pro-breastfeeding. Breast is best, and that is that. My mom always told me about the amazing bond and told me I should breastfeed. I didn't do much research or anything while pregnant I just knew it was something I wanted to do. Since having Alyssa I have realized just how amazing breast milk is. I plan to let her self-wean. She has had formula in the hospital and NICU (I am STILL not happy about that). Knowing what I know now for MYYYYY child if I ever had to stop breastfeed or couldn't breastfeed my next baby I would use donor milk, goats milk, or make my own formula. Formula would be a very last option. That being said: I will say it again if you CHOSE formula I think that is selfish, my opinion, you don't have to like it. I know there are a lot of misconceptions about 'not being able to breastfeed' actually only 3% (either 2 or 3) of moms actually can't breastfeed, but I believe that WAYYY more think they can't. 

Another huge one SPANKING: I believe in gentle discipline. I won't say I will NEVER spank Alyssa, but I don't plan to nor do I ever want to spank her. The way I feel is that if you hit another adult it is abuse but if you hit a child it is discipline? And why would I teach my child to do something by hurting her? I just don't understand that concept of that.  I believe in discipline NOT punishment (yes there is a difference). Justin is pro-spanking but I am working on that one ;) He knows how strongly I feel about not hitting our child, so I hope that he will come around like he is come around on the other topics we disagreed on. 

Co-Sleeping - I am very pro co-sleeping and also pro-bed sharing.  A lot of people don't realize there is a difference. Co-sleeping is with the baby in your room, I believe that everyone should do that for the first couple months. It makes life so much easier and then the baby doesn't have to be alone. Bed-sharing, is just what it sounds the baby in your bed. I am a huge fan of that too. I brought Alyssa into our bed just a few days shy of two weeks and I am very happy about that decision. We plan to let her stay in our bed until one of us is uncomfortable, more then likely when she tells us she is ready to leave. We just LOVE having her in our bed. I do think if you are going to sleep with your baby you need to look into the safe ways of doing. 

Schooling: I think homeschooling is great but I don't feel like I could teach Alyssa everything she needs to know, if we did chose homeschooling I would get a tutor for sure and do the co-ops. I don't really have a strong opinion homeschooling/private/public schools, and I have no clue what charter schooling is. i think whatever you chose is great. 

Vaccinations: I am probably going to get judged for this one, whatever. :) I am not pro or anti vaccinations. We do vaccinate Alyssa because my heart tells me too. I have looked into them a little and I understand why people whose not to do them with their children, but for Alyssa I feel like it is best we get them. We do selectively vax and split them up though. 

Medicating children: I am not exactly sure what this means. I am thankful for medicine because sometimes I think it is needed but I believe it is way to over used in this country. I hardly ever give Alyssa medicine, I try natural things first. We use a amber teething necklace that I swear by, so need for medicine for teething. 

Cloth VS disposables: I am a huge cloth diaper fan, it is way cheaper, cuter, no chemicals and better for the environment ..what is not to love? I personally would hate if I had to go back to disposables. My main reason for using cloth was the price, everything else is just an added bonus. I don't care what other people do with their kids I do get annoyed listening to people cry about money but they refuse to cloth diaper. So, don't complain to me I won't pitty you. lol. Oh and I am the laziest person on the planet and I don't find them any harder then disposables. 

CIO Method: Yeah, so I am totally against CIO. This includes the ferber method or any other kind of 'training'. Personally I feel like nothing says I don't care about your needs like CIO. My personal opinion is that anything over 5 mins is cruel. Our children are only little for a short time, no one said parenting was easy. Also, I hate crying myself to sleep so I would never do that to my child. I want her to know that I will always be there for her no matter what her needs are. 


So those are my views, it doesn't mean I won't be friends with someone if they have different views because I get along with almost everyone. :) Oh and now I know why I don't blog anymore it took me an hour to write that haha. I will be posting an updated blog about Alyssa, who is 8 months old, btw..very soon<3 span="span">

6 months!

I haven't blogged in....well gosh I dont even know how long.

So much has changed. Alyssa is now 6 months old. She is still EBF. She's sitting up by herself, she still falls over from time to time but she has learned how to stop herself from falling. She can sit up for a long time by herself though. She is starting the movements to crawl but I don't think she will be 'going' anytime soon. Even without crawling its amazing how much she can get around. Last time we went to the doctor they just did a quick weight check (since we split up shots its not a full doctors appointment every time) she was 17.4 lbs. WOAH. Its amazing she weighted 7 0.1 oz when she was born...now shes 17.4? Time really does fly. She is still sleeping with us, and I won't be moving her out of our bed anytime soon. We've decided we will let her leave when she is ready. We LOVE having her in our bed!:) She still wears the snuza, and yes she will for a while. Our poor little girl got her first little cold last weekend, we were at a marriage retreat when she started to get sick. She was up ALL night and it was horrible for her, I felt so helpless. The next day we decided to leave the retreat and go home. I didn't want to have to drag a sick baby out to all those classes. Good thing we left too because that entire day if she was awake, she was crying. It was horrible:(

Pretty much everything that I was going to 'expect' the first 6 months, was wrong. Everyone is always so quick to tell you about the bad things they forget to tell you about the good. Of course we had sleepless nights, all day nursing sessions, a sick baby, teething (oh yes she has two teeth), the nights/times when I called my mom crying because I didn't know what to do....but seriously I hardly even remember that stuff. All I really remember is how lucky we are to have her. I do think time is going too fast though, I really truly feel like I just blinked and I had her. It's so amazing how she went from this little tiny baby that just laid around all day to this BIG baby that moves all over;)

A lot of people have been asking the question 'When will you try for another baby' and truthfully we don't know. We have talked & we agree that we do want another baby BUT that we are going to be content if we are never blessed with another child. We talked about trying earlier then we are ready just because it may take some time to get pregnant again, but we decided we don't want to rush into anything. Im not on birth control, but trying to try ovulation & periods is a joke. So we are 'whatever happens happens'. (but we do pull out lol). When we do decide we are 'ready' we aren't going to do any stressing over it. Honestly though, I really want another baby so I have a chance to give birth naturally. There are so many things I feel like I missed out on with Alyssa's birth because I just wasn't educated. But its okay, 'when you know better you do better'. Hopefully things will be better next time:)

I don't know if I wrote about this or not.... but we are preparing for our first PCS to........HAWAII! Justin is 100% excited. I am about 80% excited, 10% scared shitless & 10% to leave Texas. I'm nervous  *mostly* for just the whole moving process. We did get the whole Bella situation under control and Im sad but relieved to say that my mom will keep her for the first year. Justin is deploying next summer, (which scares me to know end) so we figured we would want to go home for a really long visit while he's gone. We wouldn't be able to do that with Bella, so we will leave her with my mom & bring her back around Christmas time next year. I'm also nervous about housing, Im praying they have a house for us shortly after we get there. And totally nervous that they are going to lose or ruin some of our stuff. It really is just small worries but I know we will be JUST FINE! And seriously who can say they got to live in Hawaii?? Not many...  I already found some awesome groups for cloth diapering, baby wearing, AP parenting, selling pages...& much more. So Im sure I will find friends in no time (no to mention Gen is going there, and I have some other friends there as well).

Over all, life is perfect. <3 p="p">

update on Alyssa - I can't believe shes 3 months!

Our amazing daughter is 3 months old. I can't even believe it. Heres a little update on her..

First off all she sleeps A TON! She wakes up about once a night to eat, sometimes twice. I just put the boob her her mouth and within 5 mins shes back to sleep, so I think its more of a comfort then actually hungry. She still sleeps with us so it makes it pretty easy, and she never has to cry or even fully wake up. Thats super helpful lol. She's starting to be awake a little more durning the day, but not too much. Sometimes I wish she was up more lol. I spent A LOT of time with her in bed cuddling though. I could get a lot more done durning the day, Ill be the first to admit it....but Id much rather be cuddling my baby!<3 She's starting to not be latched on as much, and she doesn't like when I hold her like a baby anymore:( Really child your 3 months old -I should be able to hold you like a baby for much much longer! She is starting to show some interest in her toys that I hand her, but usually just for a split second. She still loves her bouncy seat and has a blast playing in there. Its nice because since I don't put her in there a lot its like a treat LOL. She uses it to shower and so I can go to the bathroom..thats about it. We use her bumbo seat for dinner and so I can clean up the kitchen. She likes to sit in that too:) Her swing...ehh its hit or miss. I use that for about 10 mins a day if that...usually so I can take the dog out haha. Her activity mat she does like and she will play for a little bit. But her fav thing ever is just to lay in bed and have me talk to her. She's all smiles!

I met a lady at the doctors office who had this really smart 3 year old, she was telling me I should start reading to Alyssa every single day..I was reading to her just not every day. After seeing that amazing girl and talking to that mom I decided she was right, and really more bonding time can't hurt? Now I am kind of obsessed...I grab a handful of books (usually between 5-10) and I read them to her every night. She seems to really love it. She's been getting back to being pretty fussy in the evenings again so I use the gliding chair to rock her & get her calmed down...then I read to her till she falls sleep!

We have moved bath time to the bathtub instead of the sink. One day she was pretty fussy so I decided to bring her bath sling and put her in the tub with me...(I can't stress enough how much I LOVE baths) it calmed her right down, and I realized how easy it is to just get into the bath with her. So every since then I just take baths with her.

She rolls all over now, from back to belly, back to back. Its so cute to watch her roll haha. The first time she went back to belly I was like HOLY CRAP I thought you weren't supposed to do that for months  LOL. It was really exciting..proud mama moment<3

She's usually a pretty happy baby, and shes getting MUCH better about the car. She hardly cries, and when she does I can *usually* get her calmed down. I think the more comfortable carseat helped A LOT. We still do baby wearing and she loves it sometimes other times she wants to get out and look around. I started putting her in her stroller when we go some places, she really likes sitting in there too it seems. Its so nice to have all these options lol.

She's growing up so fast, its so amazing. I LOVE being a mom, its the single most amazing thing that as ever happened to me. I get asked a lot now that shes getting older if I am thinking of putting her in her crib or bassinet (basically getting her out of our bed). Justin and I pretty much agree we will know when its time, and its no where near time. He still wakes up quite a few times out of a dead sleep and looks over to make sure shes breathing...(I don't wake up nearly as much anymore but the snuza has a lot to do with that, I more wake up and worry its turned off). Now that we have more room in the bed, I see no reason to get her out. She'll leave when shes ready, we make a lot of jokes about how our kids will be teenagers still sleeping with us. Justin just said something about us having 6 kids and a dog in our bed haha ---we are NOT having 6 kids;)

Another new thing she started is crying when I leave her (to go to the gas station because thats the ONLY place I go alone, I won't even run to walmart lol) uh-oh. I left twice and both times she scared the whole time=/ He thought she was hungry, but since the gas station is seriously a min away by the time he thawed the BM, warmed it up, put it in a bottle I would have been back...so he just waited....she wasn't hungry -either time lol. I knew because I just fed her right before I left and also because the second she saw me she stopped crying the second time, and the first time as soon as I grabbed her she was good. I felt really bad for him hes like 'what you don't love daddy anymore'. Its just because I am with her 24/7 and I am usually the one to calm her down. So I said we needed to start working on that, letting them get her more when shes crying. It seems to be helping:) Yesterday I went to the gas station and she did great:) He said hes realizing he has to keep her busy the whole time so she doesn't notice I am gone, by walking around with her, talking to her, singing to her. It felt great to come home and NOT hear her screaming last night! She's warming up to him (side note she did amazing with him until the stupid field training)<3 Although the moment when your baby is upset and only wants you feels great LOL.

Alyssa and I are going home in a few weeks, I am SO excited! I can't even wait for everyone to meet her/see her again.

:)))

What would I have done if I couldn't BF?

Because I am so PRO breastfeeding I get asked quite a bit.... what would you have done if you couldn't  BF?

Well first off let me start out by saying I was very determined to breastfeed. I told myself from day one I would do EVERYTHING in my power to breastfeed. I wanted Alyssa to have 0 bottles 0 formula. Of course we all know she landed in the NICU so plans didn't go my way. HOWEVER...I know for my next baby how to make changes. First off, they gave her formula because her sugar was dropping -without even asking me. Chances are at the time I would have just said yes, but next time I know that I WILL bring a sign that says no bottles no formula, I trusted the nurses when they told me they wouldn't give to her without talking to me-and they did. Not to mention, they say they 'need it' but they really don't. I have seen countless friends get told that & they refused the formula and guess what -no issues. I guess thats a scare tact from hospitals? Idk doesn't make much sense to me. But that was my first lesson learned -don't trust people. Second, when she was admitted into the NICU I stressed over and over and over how important it was to BF.  Those 3 days she got pretty much all formula. I pumped but because it was just colstrum I didn't get much. She wouldn't eat from me, because as soon as I put her to the breast she fell asleep -she was very comfortable my arms. I didn't realize I got get donor milk (from someone I don't know, or a friend). Thats my second lesson learned...if I have have another nicu baby I will find someone to give me breastmilk. You live and learn...

With that being said -I got VERY lucky with Alyssa because when she came home we did have some issues, but I had a really supportive mom who told me "she might miss one meal, maybe even two but she will NOT miss a third -don't you dare give that baby a bottle". I couldn't get her to latch, and neither one of us was getting it. Long story short we finally got it. With no bottle needed. Im excited to say that she hasn't had formula since we left the NICU, and I was able to donate all of it to other moms in need:)

Now back to the question -what would I have done? For me, breastfeeding was everything. So I if I couldn't have EBF I would have felt guilty or more felt like I failed -I know I would have - but I also know I would have done EVERYTHING in my power to at least give her SOME breast milk. I have watched mothers struggle their entire BFing relationship and STILL make it past 6 months...most have to supplement with formula. I watched moms struggle with not enough milk, no latching, no milk, pumping issues, using a nipple shield for months on end...so I learned A LOT. I know that it would be really hard for me if I didn't get to EBF or BF at all but I wouldn't be offended when people talked about how wonderful it was or how they think formula is the most awful thing ever (yes people believe that) because I know that I would have given it EVERYTHING I had. I know I would have cried like hell, but then realized that I did everything humanly possible to BF and that I didn't go down without a fight. -That I couldn't feel guilty for.

I am however planning to find a friend(s) when I get pregnant next time that already knows the plan and would be willing to donate her milk to me if I ever get into a situation that I need it

So if you are a BFing mom that didn't make it, or had to supplement remember are still amazing for trying and giving it all you had. Remember you did your absolute best and no one can ask for more<3 Don't let people make you feel guilty!

Why I post the things I do...

I have been wanting to write this blog for quite some time now...but Ive been pretty busy. Alyssa is sleeping now so its the prefect time.

I want to explain somethings.

After having Alyssa I found a ton of awesome parenting groups/pages on Facebook. A lot of them are breast-feeding support. Its wonderful to have online support because SO many people are against BFing in public or just in general. And there are lots of questions about BFing -is she getting enough, whats wrong with her latch, why isn't she eating, are their enough diapers, can I take this med and so on and so forth. BFing can be really hard, esp with people commenting 'I could never do that, so your baby poops like 6 times a day ew, shes always attached why don't u just bottle-feed, she eats to much'...so I found support online. The more I read about BFing the more proud I became of me doing it. When I first wanted to BF it was because my mom said its better for the babies and she loved the bounding time. She always said she didn't know if you could bound with your baby without BFing because she never didn't BF lol...then she saw Justin with Alyssa...and she realized YOU CAN bound the same. She said it was so amazing for her to watch, she loved it<3 Well, the more I read the more passionate I get about the subject, and the more I want to educate people because it IS hard and so many people give up after a short short amount of time because they just don't have the support or the right information. So many times I hear that someone didn't BF because their family didn't so they didn't know where to start. Or they didn't know its healthier. So THAT is why I post things...plus I want people to see how amazing it is because it IS hard at the beginning -sometimes REALLY hard. Thats not to say that I think a mom who choses formula is any less of a mother then someone who BFs, because I don't. I used to say that I thought it was horrible when a mother doesn't even attempt to BF...and that still makes me kind of sad ---BUT then I realized that some people don't have a mom who told them how amazing it was. Would I have chose to BF if my mom if wasn't for my mom -Ill never know. So how would they know if someone didn't educate them. So THAT is why I post things...I am not saying 'oh I am better then you'. I don't think I am a better mom then anyone.

With all these BFing, natural parenting pages came a BIG topic that I wasn't ready for: circumcision. As I was reading all the comments about it, I just skipped over those statuses because 1) I had a girl. and 2) I didn't see the problem with it. Well the more I went on these pages the more I realized people are SO against routine infant circ...and I wanted to know why. So I decided to do some research. What I found shocked me. Im not going to go into a big long note of why you shouldn't do it. Ill just say Id LIKE you to research it before you do it, and watch a video. JUST because its always best to make informed decision. With that being said: I would never judge someone who circ there son.. you are doing what you think is best for your family. As I am doing what I think is best for mine. I wouldn't say that makes me better then you by any means. I am just not like that. BUT I do feel like I need to post things on Facebook because how can people learn if no one is teaching them? I have already had a few people message me and thank me for posting because they had no clue. I can't just let go of that...I can't. Same with BFing I have had people say I saw your Facebook posts and it made me want to BF....thats amazing. I am just pretty thankful for those groups because if it wasn't for them we would have circ our son without giving it a second thought =/

Abortion is another big one -I am posting because its something I feel super strong about. If I can change at least ONE persons mind its worth it.

And last but not least carseat safety is a huge one. If you don't chose to extended rear-face thats FINE. But I am not going to stop posting things about it...heres why. When I was pregnant the subject got brought up and Vicki explained how it was safer. I thought she was nuts...because honestly it didn't make sense to me. How was it safer? We were in the car with another friend and she agreed with me. Vicki was trying to explain (and getting pretty heated haha) and we weren't listening. This was before I had seen articles ALL over Facebook explaining how much safer it is. Over the next few weeks Vicki made it her mission to change my mind...one night we were at my house and shes like well you really listen to me and watch this video. She changed my mind....and I seriously thank her because if it wasn't for her I would have turned Alyssa and 1...and its just not as safe.

So, in conclusion -I am not posting these things to make you feel like an asshole for doing them. Or to say I am better then you, or saying I am judging you for your choices. I am posting because I feel strongly about the topics, and I want to inform others. If you don't agree thats fine, I still love you. Theres tons of things other people post on Facebook that I read and think what an idiot, buttt guess what everyone is different...and theres going to be plenty of times we read each others stuff and think, shes an idiot. Doesn't mean we can't still be idiots together haha. Its kind of like pay it forward, I learn something I want to pass the info on. Doesn't mean I am judging you for choosing something different. I have tons of friends who are against epi, induction, any meds durning labor really, c-section...they post things about it ALL the time. I had an epi & I was induced (water leaked) do I get offended...maybe for a quick second but then I realize they are just trying to inform people of the info that THEY learned. Its not a personal attack on me haha. Oh and FYI Alyssa is 2 months old and I already find things I did wrong...I didn't know. Ill do better with the next baby, its a lesson learned.

Sooooo remember -I am not judging you. And I am no where near the perfect mom -although I am so close its scary -LMAO jk!;)

Attachment parenting!

Attachment parenting. It seems to be the topic of discussion lately. I can honestly say I didn't know anything about it before Alyssa was born, and I am kind of glad..heres why..


When I was pregnant I wanted to breastfeed...it was something I KNEW if I couldn't do, I would try EVERYTHING and if I couldn't...Id be highly depressed. When I found out they gave Alyssa formula in because her sugar was dropping dramatically, my heart sank. I wanted to cry right then and there...everything I read says NO BOTTLES NO PACIS AND NOO FORMULA. She was just a few hours old and they already broke the rules. I was crushed. When they brought her back to me and she took to the boob I felt much better...I had quite a bit of trouble in the hospital but the staff was amazing support (it was me not her having issues lol). That night Alyssa did A LOT of crying, any time we put her down... I wanted her to sleep with me in my bed but Justin said no way. I would fall asleep with her in my arms & he would wake me up and say no put her down. He even offered to stay away & hold her so I could get some sleep....but he was DEAD set against her sleeping with me. He was way to worried. But MY natural instincts wanted my baby in my bed with me. The next day when they took my baby to the NICU I felt my heart breaking into a million pieces...with every bottle of formula they gave her I wanted to die...I tired to nurse her but it just wasn't working all I wanted she wanted was to sleep in my arms, it broke my heart.

Fast forward to when we brought her home...she was in my arms A LOT I spent a lot of time TRYING to get her to nurse, working on the latch, trying to keep her awake. Anytime only of us wasn't holding it just just didn't feel right to me...but I kept hearing over and over again that you don't want to spoil her so hold her for a few weeks and then put her down a lot...you'll regret if you don't. So my mindset was AS much as I wanted to hold her, I must not allow her to become spoiled. I started to notice that even when she was just sleeping I didn't want to put her down. Again it was those natural instincts kicking in.

A couple days before she turned 2 weeks old we had big problems....she was cluster feeding. But not only was she cluster feeding she would fall asleep on the boob, Id lay her down & less then 30 mins later she woke up screaming...at the time I didn't think anything of it..I just thought she was super hungry (and Im sure growth spurt had a lot to do with it) Well I spent 3 nights in the row on the couch (two of them crying) because my baby wouldn't let me sleep...she would fall asleep and Id let her fall into a deep sleep but as soon as she was out of my arms she was awake. It was REALLY hard. On the 4th night I couldn't take it anymore I told Justin she was sleeping in the bed with us, he was SO against it...begged me not to roll over on her...it was a nightmare. I didn't know what to do. But I followed my gut which said put that baby in your bed. That night we slept great--and almost every night since! I got a lot of shit about how I would kill her, and how Ill never get her out of my bed....but Justin and I agreed we didn't care how long she was in our bed, we would deal with that later. I did a lot of research about co-sleeping and how to do it safely. I got the toddler guard rail, the snuza..and I felt great. (Btw Justin said she could start sleeping with us when she's 1 bc then its not to likely for us to kill her, so he clearly doesn't care about her sleeping with us haha). Since then everything has been perfect, theres always the fear that I will roll over and I don't want to say I won't because Im not going to jinx myself...but we both sleep amazing and are much happier...she LOVES to be by momma what can I say:)

So remember when I said that Im glad I didn't know about attachment parenting before she came? Well the reason why is because then I might have wondered if MAYBE just MAYBE the research and talking to other moms put an influence in my head....but since I did everything before I even know all about it, I can honestly say I just followed my mothering instincts. and for THAT I am thankful! I already had the ergo carrier long before I learned about baby wearing, and I knew I would use it...I just didn't know so many people did wear their babies:) I was told A LOT that you shouldn't pick your kids up for every little cry, but I have since learned that I can't just let her cry. In the car she does, and its horrible. I hate it. Besides, soon enough she's not going to want to be cuddled or loved on so I need to enjoy it while I can. I used to think Id want to kill myself if my child didn't let me put her down..but now I have realized I WANT to hold her. Of course I do want her to play on her play mat, sit in her swing & use her bouncy seat but she does all those things. While Im cooking dinner she comes in the kitchen with me and sits in her bath seat..when I shower she sits in her bouncy seat...where ever I go I bring my little love bug with me! Its perfect!

You may think I am crazy, and thats ok!:) You do whats best for your family, and Ill do whats best for us!  In the end following your instincts is it what is best!:)

SNUZA REVIEW -I give it 110%

So you might call me crazy for ordering a snuza, but it is hands down the BEST thing I have bought for Alyssa. If I had to pick between ANYTHING else and this I would chose this. First off I want to say Im not being paid or anything to do this, I just really love the product and think that EVERY mother with an infant should own one. 

What is a snuza? its a monitor that tracks her breathing. Its TINY and it clips to her diaper... (( http://www.amazon.com/Snuza-Halo-Baby-Movement-Monitor/dp/B002ITOC7S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1336920579&sr=8-1 )) I paid $113 for it, looks like the price went back up to $118 but I am sure it will go down again.

I decided to buy it because we do co-sleep and I wanted to make co sleeping as safe as possible (I also got a toddler guard rail for our bed). I read the reviews and A TON of people were saying they wished they knew about this device before they lost their first child to SIDS. I decided right then and there I really didn't want to be on that review board saying that so I decided it was worth the 100 bucks. Hands down the best purchase for Alyssa. It has went off a few times because it goes off if its not fully against them and sometimes I forget to make her diaper extra tight, or if her diaper gets too full, which that in itself is really nice because then I know when to change her diaper (haha seriously though that only happend once, which is weird because her diaper has NEVER gotten that full before..she peed a lot that night lol). But its not a big deal..and as least I know its working.

How it works: it vibrates after 15 seconds if it doesn't detect breathing...then it gives the baby 5 seconds to start breathing so after a total of 20 seconds it will alarm so you can check the baby. The alarm is pretty loud I think, but if your baby does sleep in another room you might want to buy montiors (if you don't already have them) just so that you make the chances of hearing it better..but I have been acrossed the house and still hear the thing go off.

 Some of the people said it actually saved their babies life...they ran when the alarm went off and their baby really wasn't breathing..then they called the babies name a few times and the baby didn't wake up so I grabbed the baby and THAT finally woke the baby up. What would have happened if that alarm didn't tell them, would the baby have woken back up by himself, we will never know...but I wouldn't want to find out. 

Many people think I am crazy but SIDS can happen to ANY child at ANY TIME. It doesn't matter if you take EVERY precaution. I got it not only for SIDS but for suffocation because with her in our bed I didn't want to play what-ifs. You may think you don't need this device, and you might be right, but who wants to find out? $100-$120 to possibly save your childs life?  I don't know about you, but I personally feel like you can't put a price tag on your childs life. AND you might think oh I already have a child, two or maybe even 3 but SIDS doesn't happen to your first or second child. SIDS can happen to ANY child at ANY time. Not just SIDs but suffocation! 

The manual does say that can't guarentee that the snuza will alarm if the baby stops breathing in the car, because the movement of driving could make it not alarm, but Alyssa's has went off in the car (bad mom I didn't clip it all the way, but I am kind of glad because I always wondered if it would alarm in the car lol). 

Oh and if your worried the alarm will wake up your sleeping baby (if its false) Im here to tell you Alyssa sleeps right through it haha. Idk if thats every child but the vibration the alarm, shes still sleeping lol. Which knowning that it made me realize when the alarm goes off I need to RUN because if shes really not breathing she won't wake up and its imporant that I wake her up. Oh BTW I guess I should add that babies stop breathing in their sleep all the time, most of the time they wake up....other times they just dont. No one knows why -thats why we have SIDS. 

I also forgot to add that it detects if they are having irregular breathing. And Alyssa did one night. You know by the way the lights flash. One night apperently Alyssa was having some irregular breathing, but it hasn't happened again. Its nice to know so I can keep an eye on it. It also nofifys you if they stopped breathing and then the vibartion woke up them up. Its pretty amazing. Over all -I give this product 110%! The false alarms just show me that this device DOES work! 

I have a picture on my fb of how tiny it is. They wear it under their clothes, no one even knows its there and really if you want you don't even have to use it durning the day -although I do. $100 and peice of mind, and possibly save your babies life -what are you waiting for?!

Welcome to mommy hood!

I haven't really had much time to post since Alyssa made her arrival...so Im going to attempt to blog while she's sleeping:)

Where to start...well first my mom came to visit for 2 weeks that was amazing & lots of fun. It was so awesome to watch her with Alyssa, I was really sad to see her go:( But I am so thankful she was able to come out & visit for the two weeks! Justin is going some fun field training, he left on the 23rd and he will be gone till June. He does get two weekends home, so that helps. He came home for the first weekend already and was shocked at how much bigger Alyssa got after just two weeks. This time he's gone for 3, so Im excited to see how much bigger he says she is this time. Right now my sister is visiting, she also is staying for two weeks so thats awesome. She's been a ton of help and I really appreciate it:) I really wish I could move my family out here...:P

Ever since having Alyssa I miss home more, well not home...but the people. I wish we lived a little closer because so many people haven't got to meet our beautiful daughter yet -and won't until possibly Christmas. That breaks my heart! She's perfect and I want everyone to see that.

A lot of people keep asking about breastfeeding, its going amazing. It took some weeks actually FULLY love it...and now that she's 7 weeks (she'll be 2 months on the 20th so sad lol) its perfect and I really love it. She wakes up between 1-3 times a night to eat, just depending on what time we go to bed. She's SO alert now, and she actually hits some of her toys now..I love it. I don't know if its too young to tell but when she's in her bouncy seat she only ever uses her left hand to grab the toys...so we might have a lefty like mommy:) But again idk if its too early to tell? She does A LOT of eating, sleeping & pooping, haha. She HATES the car, and seriously I don't even like driving places because sometimes she screams so hard, its heartbreaking. She IS sleeping in our bed, and I have to say I love it so much. We both sleep so much better, and I am able to tend to her before she even starts crying. Its awesome. I always know when its time to wake her up to eat because she starts making crazy noises (I swear sometimes she sounds like a pig or a goat haha) and sucking on her hands...I usually rub her back for a few mins if she doesn't go back to sleep and keeps sucking on those hands I fully wake her up & feed her.


Alright, thats all for now<3

Happy Mothers Day to ALL...

This Mothers Day is so special to me because its the first Mothers day since 2005 that haven't felt empty..this is the first mothers day that I have gotten to hold my child in my arms instead of just my heart. Of course my angels are still in my heart today. Being a mom is the BEST gift I have ever received, and I am so blessed & thankful. 

Happy Mothers day to the best mom in the entire world...I love you so much mom! I only hope I can be at least half the mother you are.Thank you so much for everything you have done for me!

I would also like to say Happy Mothers Day to all my amazing mommy friends..

Happy Mothers day to those with with beautiful children here on earth.
Happy Mothers day to those with angels in heaven.
Happy Mothers day to those who have children in their hearts instead of their arms (those who are struggling every day to get pregnant, I believe as hard as your working just to have children you deserve to be told happy mothers day and remember day day you will get your miracle and this will ALL be worth it).
A huge Happy Mothers Day AND thank you to those raising someone else's children as your own..you guys have a very special place in my heart.
& of course Happy mothers day to the mommy's of fur babies:)))

“Happy Mother's Day”
It comes around every year;
but when you have empty arms,
it's very hard to hear.
It's a day to celebrate a mother,
for all the trials she overcame;
and a reminder to an infertile
of her loneliness and shame.
But what really makes a mother,
Is it just conception and birth?
Or is there something more,
that shows a mother's worth?
It's putting your child first,
in everything you do;
it's sacrifice and determination,
and love and patience too.
An infertile woman makes all her plans,
around a child not yet conceived;
she loves them even though they aren't here,
more than she ever could have believed.
She appreciates and understands,
what a blessing that children are;
she works hard for just a chance,
that motherhood is not that far.
All odds are stacked against her,
and yet she still has hope;
everyday is another struggle,
finding ways to help her cope.
So even though her arms are empty,
she can still be a mother too;
So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”
for those waiting for their dreams to come true!

I thought of you and closed my eyes. And prayed to God today. I asked what makes a mother and I know I heard him say, A mother has a baby. This we know is true. But God, can you be a mother when your baby's not with you? Yes, you can, He replied with confidence in His voice. I give many women babies. When they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime and others for a day. And some I send to feel your womb but there's no need to stay. I just don't understand this. God, I want my baby here. He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear. I wish I could show you what your child is doing today. If you could see your child smile with other children and say, "We go to earth to learn our lessons of life and love and fear. My Mommy loved me, Oh so much, I got to come straight here. I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me, I learned my lesson very quickly. My Mommy set me free. I miss my Mommy, Oh so much, but I visit her each day. When she goes to sleep, on her pillow's where I lay. I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear, 'Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here.'" So you see, my dear sweet one, your children are okay. Your babies are here in MY home and this is where they'll stay. They'll wait for you with ME until your lesson is through. And on the day that you come home, they'll be at the gates for you. So now you see what makes a Mother— It's the feeling in your heart. It's the love you had so much of, right from the very start. Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother, until their time is done. They'll be up here with ME one day, and know you're the best one. ~Jennifer Wasik~

Labor & Delivery story!

I am going to attempt to write my labor & delivery story!:)

On Monday the 19th I was sitting around hanging out with Vicki & Gen. I had been having contractions on and off for weeks so contractions that day weren't any different. Around 2 or 3 I guess it was I started to leak a little bit, it was like a gush but with not a ton of water..so I wasn't really sure what it was. I went to the bathroom and when I wiped there was a TINY bit of brown blood..so I assumed it was my mucus plug and decided to try to jump start labor by walking around. Oh I guess I should add that over the entire weekend I was pushing on my pressure points to see if it would work, on Monday Vicki showed me what a dumbass I am & how I was pushing the wrong spot haha. So I held on to them that day.. just to see what would happen;) So anyways Gen left & Vicki & I decided to go walking around the neighborhood. I was stopping every couple mins for contractions but wasn't timing them because the pain wasn't that strong so I figured there was no way it was real labor. We walked for what seemed like miles...really it was only a couple streets over...talk about out of shape LMAO. And then we decided to go back in. I gushed again a few & then realized I hadn't felt Alyssa move at all that day. So I got out the doppler that Joslyn so awesomely let me borrow for my entire pregnancy:)) And her heartbeat was only at 130...I got scared so I called L&D and let them know everything that had happened that day. They said everything was okay except for the leaking & I needed to come get checked out. This was at 5pm...so I called Justin & told him what was going on...we both agreed I wasn't in labor so he took his friend home LOL...meanwhile I was taking a bath seeing if the contractions would stop (because they had started up again) and when he got home we took a shower...I got to the hospital at 6:45...yeah we took our time haha. I was planning on putting our bags in the car that night anyway so I figured that wasn't bad luck to bring them but left the car seat at home, Bella out & Justin didn't eat before we left haha. Hoping it was real labor:P

Once we got to the hospital they checked me to see if I was dilated and they tested my fluids to see if it was my water leaking. Around 7:30 they said I was a really tight 2 by 8 the test came back that said it WAS my water! The nurse came and it said 'guess what your not leaving the hospital without having your baby, oh and your having contractions every 2 mins". That was interesting to know considering I had no clue haha, I knew I was having them but they still weren't that bad! The nurse then said she had to call my doctor & let him know, but she said she knew what he was going to say already which is that I had to have her. Once we were told that we were having her Justin went to grab some taco bell & call everyone. Apparently when he was on the phone he was so excited but once he got in line at taco bell it hit him, and he threw up haha. Then when he came back Vicki came to bring us a cell phone charger & to hang out for a bit...I suddenly had the gushing feeling and wasn't sure if I peed or it was my water again so I asked Vicki to look, and right when I said it Justin went & threw up in the bathroom lol. I started to freak out thinking there was no way we could do this just the two of us, since he was ALREADY throwing up and I BEGGED Vicki to figure out a way to stay and do this with me. We had the plan totally figured out -when suddenly we realized that she had the car...how would Mike get to work? We decided Justin could take her car home and they could come back...then she could take her our car and figure out the rest later...but Justin assured me that he would be fine, and we didn't need her to stay. He was right!

They started the pitocin around 9ish...and as soon as they started at bad boy up my contractions doubled. They weren't super strong & I could deff still handle the pain..BUTTTT suddenly I had to go pee so I called the nurse to ask if I could unhook myself or if Id need them to do it every time since I was in labor...she brought me a damn bed pan & told me that I wasn't allowed to get out of bed AT ALL. I was also sitting cross legged on the bed when she came in...and she explained that because of the way my water was leaking that they couldn't allow me to get out of bed at all...she said it could be really dangerous for the baby. That apparently they worry about the cord coming out before the baby with could be fatal?? Well that was enough to scare me straight, I deff was doing what the woman said & not moving! Meanwhile the contractions were getting stronger & stronger so I started talking about the epi...my nurse said it takes about 45 mins to get once you ask for it, and not to wait too long because you have to be able to sit still long enough to get it put in. I made the decision around 10:30 to get it considering the pain was only getting worse, and I wanted to move horribly. I knew I wasn't going to make it the whole labor without it so I decided why keep dealing with the pain! I was super scared to get it because I heard that once you get it they can counteract each other and make labor wayyy longer. I decided to take my chances after talking to the nurse who said thats not true, a lot of times it calms you don't & makes labor progress faster. Once I got it I felt like a million bucks...I wouldn't have even known I was in labor haha. I was only a 3 by that time! Vicki stayed and hung out till about 1am.....Justin had been passed out forever by this point. Around 3am I started to feel the pressure the nurse had told me about, so I thought it was time to push! She came in and checked me...I was notttt ready to push lol. The pain got worse and I woke Justin up to talk me through it, I started to cry a little bit...so when the nurse came back in to check me shortly I told her I was feeling pain & that I felt her checking me. They got the epi lady down in no time to give me more meds.....back to feeling amazing LOL. The next 2 hours she checked me pretty often....and I deff wasn't sleeping I was WAY To excited. At about 5am the nurse told me I was going to have her within the hour! So I woke Justin up, which btw was so hard to do lol. And then we just waited around till about 5:30ish when my doctor came! Once he got there they told me it was time to start pushing...Well let me tell you pushing is HARD and I was clearly doing it wrong! I pushed wrong for about 15 mins, and I was getting SO mad I wanted to cry I just didn't understand how she wasn't coming out...the nurses were trying everything to get me to push with my butt...and I guess I wasn't lol. The doctor decided to help me out, and he grabbed the vacuum. Within seconds she was out, and its was obviously pretty easy considering it didn't even leave a mark at all her on head...lol. 5:58 am the most beautiful little girl came into this world!<3 Once they took her out the put her on my chest & Justin came over to cut the cord. Oh btw the whole time I was pushing I had two nurses up by my head & my doctor obviously delivering her.....Justin was peaking over the nurses shoulder/hiding in the corner hahaha. I tore pretty badly and started bleeding really bad..he was down there for what seemed like ever. They had to give me some medicine in my IV to stop the bleeding. After they he was done with me I got to hold Alyssa again & feed her. They said we would have her in our room for about an hour after delivery but it was closer to two hours...I suppose because it took so long for him to fix me up after. She latched pretty well the first time and started sucking....amazing!!!!<3 After our time was up they took her in the nursery to weight her & check her out! Justin went with and came back a little bit later.

Once my EPI wore off the fun really started.. super embarrassing but I couldn't control my bladder like at all. So I peed the bed..a few mins later..I farted..and shit. all over. I deff cried Im not going to lie LOL. One of the side effects from the drug they had to give to stop the bleeding is diarrhea, they had already giving me meds so I wouldn't crap....buttt it didn't work fast enough. So I cleaned myself off and cried haha. Oh and I was soo freaking thirsty after having her I had Justin get me probably 10 water bottles full of water & ice..no lie. I sucked it all down so quickly & I just couldn't stop. I stopped after I threw up though haha, then I was STARVING....this was after the peeing/shitting...and they brought me breakfast, sadly it looked like dog shit so I wasn't going to eat it haha. So I remembered I had a few cookies in my purse lol, I ate one and threw up again. I decided it was best nottt to eat for a few hours. They gave me some zofran which helped almost instantly. I have been in serious pain every since I had her, guess thats what I get for feeling nothing durning labor haha. I did rip inside & out though, and got the worse hemorrhoids ever...which makes me wonder HOW in the world they can say I wasn't pushing with my butt haha.

About 4 hours later they brought Alyssa back to us, which I have to say at first when I heard they were taking her for 4 hours (while I was pregnant) I was sad about it....but after all I had to deal with right after having her it was probably best she wasn't, I was also able to have a much needed nap! The rest of the day was great, I had people in and out & visitors seeing her:) Night time was superrrr fun- not! haha. She showed us right away how fun she could be, this little girl would nottt sleep! Anytime we would lay her down she would cry...Justin & I were like ohh jeeze haha. The nurse came in the middle of the night to check on her and she helped me BF, which was wonderful. I did see the BF consultant but I needed more help at night. We were seriously considering sending her to the nursery so we could sleep, everyone told me USE IT because you don't get to take it home with you. We talked to the nurse & decided against it though. We didn't wanna give her away for even a moment, no matter how tired we were! At about 6am the nurse came in and told us they had to take Alyssa for some testing again. So we got some sleep! Im not sure what time it was but Dr Zarate came in to see how I was doing, I couldn't even tell you what we talked about I was half asleep haha. and then shortly after Alyssas doctor came in. This time I woke right up. He told us how Alyssa might have an infection because my water started leaking and she didn't come out for 16 hours after that. He said they may send her to the NICU to get antibiotics and she could possibly leave the next day, but he didn't know for sure.

 Later we found out she really did have to go to the NICU so we went down to see her. We found out that I was able to go home that night or stay...well we were having dog issues and honestly I just wanted to sleep in my own bed & get a bath. So we ended up going home, we decided to just make the drive to go see her, instead of walking down the hall. Im not sure when exactly it was but we found out that the shortest stay in the NICU is 3 days...never any less. I was so heartbroken and I bawled my eyes out several times. When we leave the hospital and they wheeled me out and I had no baby in my stomach, and no baby coming home with us it felt awful. I just kept reminding myself that she was going to be OK and thats all that matters. The next couple days were AWFUL hard...but strangely enough EVERY TIME we left the hospital we were both in an amazing mood. We LOVED going up there for touch times. Touch times are every 3 hours...what that means is parents can come in on those times and take the babies temp, change diaper, feed & then baby has to go back to sleep. Babies grow when they are sleeping I guess, so lots of sleep in the NICU. Since Alyssa wasn't really sick we were allowed to stay a while after we fed her, we were usually there a total of an hour and then we left so she could get her rest. Every time we left her there my heart broke in half..but at the same time I just had an amazing visit with her so I was always so happy. On Thursday we were told she would get to go home on Saturday, she just had to pass a few tests. The car seat test, feeding test & bloodwork of course. I was beyond nervous for the feeding test because every time when we went in there they gave her like 5 mins to latch onto the boob (she never did) and then they made us feed her a bottle..our nurse that we had most of the time was a huge stickler for the rules......another rule is that they can't eat over 30 mins because if they do they are just burning calories trying to eat. So we would always get to try to feed her for 15 mins....and she would sleep and not eat for us at all....and the nurse would take her away. So when we found out about the feeding test, I bawled. I begged Justin to do it because I couldn't handle failing! The next day we went in for our 3 feedings (which had to be 3 touch times in a row), and Justin started the feeding...another nurse came over & asked who was going to be home with her the most..and because he works that would be me....so they made me do the feeding. I started bawling right then and there...Justin was such great support and he talked me through it. Let me just say -bottle feeding is NOT for me. I did make it through all of the 3 feedings!!! because thankfully the two nurses we had that day were really laid back & left us alone for the feeding. Honestly being in there trying to hold her, feed her, change her diaper..its just so nerve wracking first of all theres wires all over her...and your surrounded by nurses who deal with tiny babies every day..makes you feel like you suck with your own child lol. So anyways she ended up passing all of her tests & she came home Saturday the 24th!<3 I set my alarm for 8:30am so I could shower & get ready..they told me to start calling around 9:30 and I was counting down the mins! Buttt then the nurse called & told us we could come right then! I got so excited I woke Justin up & I was rushing him like no other!! Before they discharged us we went through a huge list of things about taking care of a baby, it was pretty informative and Im glad they did it!

Since being home everything has been amazing! My milk ended up coming in on that Friday, so bringing her home Saturday worked perfect. Saturday I had the worse time getting her to latch, but then Vicki came over & helped....and we got it down! Ever since then we have had no BF issues.. I still worry that she's not getting enough, but based on her diapers she is just fine. I am anxious to see her weight on weds, an I am praying she's back up to where she needs to be. Justin has been beyond amazing with her, he even changes poopy diapers...:P I have deff fallen more in love with him whenever I watch them together. He goes back to work on Monday and Im going to be so sad:(

Well this was one long ass blog and I am now really tired haha.

38 weeks2days...and counting:P

Life has been pretty interesting lately. I am now 38 weeks<3 It feels so amazing to say that Ive come this far! I have officially hit the 'Im over being pregnant I want her out asap stage'. Mostly because I have waited this long and now I know its safe for her to come out so Im beyond ready to meet her. But also because pregnancy is painful LOL. I get to excited whenever contractions start, and then super upset when they stop! I have been pretty lazy lately, trying to keep the house clean though so that when she arrives everything is still perfect! I haven't really felt like leaving the house much, and then when I do leave the house I tend to regret it later haha. I can't believe how soon Ill be holding my daughter...Gosh it seems to unreal...still.  A LOT of people have been telling me they really feel like she's coming this week sometime, I REALLY hope they are right:) I was checked last week and I was dilated to a 1, so thats something...even if its something tiny & tons of people walk around like that for weeks...it was a small step to be excited about! Justin is beyond nervous to be a dad, but sometimes he says the most adorable things & they just melt my heart. Anyone who knows Justin knows he tends to be a pain in the butt sometimes, butt I have to say lately he's been doing things I never thought he would. Like anytime we go anywhere he always offers to drop me off right at the door & pick me up at the door so I don't have to walk as far. He's been really understanding about how much pain I am in...Im really thankful! Although I couldn't get him to go to the commissary today, I suppose I didn't ask him to go without me...so maybe he would have. But I asked him to go with me to help get the heavy things and he did try to get out of it.. but in the end he went..and he dropped me off, picked me up, loaded & unloaded the car by himself....deff something to be thankful for lol. 

Other then Alyssa stuff not much else has been going on! I did lose a friend today, and at first I was upset about it, but then she started lying about things I had said...so now I am thankful that I got the negativity out of my life before Alyssa arrives. I don't need negative people in my life, and I sure don't need liars. It sucks when you try so hard to help someone and make them happy & nothingggg works. But there comes a point in your life when you need to realize that everything happens for a reason, you gave it your all...and no matter what some people just won't be happy! 

I don't know if I blogged about this or not...butt my mom is going to be here APRIL 10th! I can't even wait! I am so extremely thankful that she is able to come out and meet Alyssa!<3 Its very sad that in the army life family can't just come up to the hospital after you have your baby, or be there durning labor....but for them to be able to come at all is certainly a blessing! She will be staying until April 24th! So I am PRAYING that I have Alyssa by the 10th and that we are out of the hospital! I just don't want my moms time here wasted sitting in the hospital, how boring lol. I am going to talk to my doctor anyways because Id REALLLY love it if miss Alyssa was out and home by Easter. I really want to get her pictures taken with the Easter bunny lol. 

Im a tad bit sad that Justin will be leaving for the field on April 23rd, and my then my mom leaves the next day..butt I have wonderful friends who will keep me busy Im sure;) Im so lucky that Justin isn't deploying anytime soon, so thank God for that! Its crazy though he will be gone till June...and only home 3 weekends. Alyssa is going to change so much just in those couple weeks, Im sad he will have to miss it. But I will take tons of pictures for him (and everyone on Facebook of course). He will also miss my first *AMAZING* mothers day, but I am totally OK with that just because for the first time in years I will be loving mothers day, and holding my precious daughter in my arms! Ahh I can't wait! Plus Vicki & I are already making plans to do something together since our husbands won't be home. Sometimes the army is really crappy, but you have to make the best out of every situation & remember it could be worse! At least he's going to be home for the birth, and he's leaving for a matter of weeks (home some weekends even!) and not deployed for a year! 

Right now we are in the middle of a horrible sand storm,..ooooh el paso! Its really bad though, my friend said they even cancelled flights! You can't even seen right in front of you..and if you go outside its so nasty sand gets everywhere! Justin and I had to make a trip to the commissary, and since we were lazy & fell asleep for hours we had to go out when it was pretty bad..its only down the road so not too bad but yuckyy lol. El paso windy seasons are verrry nasty! Hopefully not too much longer and this grossness will be gone:)) 

Well thats all for now<3

37 weeks, say what? && Karma!

Look out world tomorrow Alyssa will be FULL TERM -37 weeks! What an amazing accomplishment. I can honestly say there have been so many times in this pregnancy ((and before this one)) that I never thought those words would come out to of my month. I am 36 weeks 6 days pregnant, big belly, pretty much ANY symptom you can think of Ive fought with, her room is set up, the house is ready, Ive had two amazing baby showers.......and now, it finally seems like I am going to get to be a real mom. I can't wait to hold her in my arms...it has been 5 years 7 months since my first miscarriage, and Ive wanted a baby more then anything in the world ever sense...so for this to finally seem real..its the best feeling in the entire world for me right now. I know I only have 3 weeks left, but to those people who don't understand why 3 weeks feels like an eternity -put yourself in my shoes. I have been waiting over  years for this...

The last couple weeks have seemed to DRAGGG on I must say haha. Some people are bugging me to hurry up and start doing everything to try to have her, while others are saying noo wait the longer the better. I personally feel like once 38 weeks hits Im doing everything to try to go into labor. But for now Im just kind of doing whatever..she will come when she's ready anyways! I have been having lots of contractions and the past few days Ive been having stronger ones..but only a few a day so deff not any where near labor! I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, Im wondering what he will do and if he will check me. Im kind of sort of suppose to be on bed rest, but its not real bed rest its just take it easy bed rest. I still go out but Im sitting the entire time Im out so really whats the point of staying home!

Some of you will be very happy to know that karma has gotten me...again. First Ill explain something though..It seems like every time I judge someone or get annoyed or whatever karma comes at me in full force, BUT I am different than I was when I was younger -and different then most people. When it happens I fully realize its karma, or God teaching me a lesson and I take it just like that! Helps for me to not be so miserable;) Also helps make me a better person! Now mind you, I STILL hate when people complain about their pregnancy on Facebook because seriously so many people would die to have what you have so shut up and be thankful! BUTTT I used to always say 'gosh people are so annoying Im sure its painful but shut up about it an be thankful'. WELLLLLL folks my pregnancy IS painful, like really painful..! haha And yes I want to meet Alyssa but I also want her out because she's hurting her poor momma! BUTTT I am still thankful, and whenever I feel like Im dying I just think about all of those people who would kill to have this...and how I could not be pregnant at all, or could have lost her...and it cheers me right up! BUTT I will be honest, I can see how someone who never went through an loss or isn't close to someone who has, or who can't get pregnant wouldn't think about that. They would just simply be thinking Im dying here wtf..and complain. Soo I even though I still find it really annoying, I can be a LITTLE more open to the idea...I still think people should be thankful though lol.

As for Bella -Im proud to say that my ghetto fence with bricks, sand bags & rocks lined up IS WORKING!!!!:D When we first put it all together I would catch them trying to get out and say no...but now I think they have finally figured out they aren't getting out haha. I also noticed since I have been paying much more attn to her that I don't think she actually liked being outside all the day every day. I assumed she did because she always looked so happy out there, but now I am noticing she will come to the gate & just stand there. So I decided when she goes to the gate that means she wants to come in, and I bring her in..if she wants to go back out a little bit later she will cry & let me know. But for the most part she plays out there an hour or two and is ready to come back inside. I still don't leave her outside when Im not home, and I don't think I ever will. I was going to yesterday while I ran Vicki home, but as I was pulling out Justin pulled up THANK GOD! lol. She now has free roam of the house while we are gone, I just make sure everything is picked up & move the trash can into the bathroom. The trash is really the only thing I am worried about because she tries to get into that while Im home sometimes. We can leave pretty much anything on the floor & she won't chew it. Sometimes she does go into Alyssas room and steal her little toys though lol. I just take them away and say no..I think its because they are on her level (the ones in the bathtub that I have no clue what to do with till I get a cubby haha) so she thinks they are hers, she's only done that a few times though:)

Justin & I are doing amazing, we are just getting ready to be parents -woah. He is terrified, I always ask if he's getting excited and he ALWAYS says he's terrified first haha. I know he will be great, he's just gotta calm down lol. He's been super sweet lately and helping a lot. The other day he offered to rub my feet, it felt amazing lol. We got our car detail cleaned earlier this week, because it was nasty & everyone at work told him he couldn't put a baby in that thing haha. one SGT told him it seems like a farm! hahahaha. As for work Justin graduated WLC -SO proud of him!!<3 He won't be making SGT April 1st like we hoped, points went too high! But I am still proud of him regardless..they are talking about making him a CPL..anyone who knows army talk knows that means he gets to go SGTS work with SPC pay...nice. No one wants that rank, but I take it like this --yes its not extra money but its another rank & its something to be proud of! Even if he will get the shitty jobs:P Hopefully points will lower next month and he will make Sgt so he won't be CPL long, if at all:P Gosh I am so proud off him!!!!<3<3<3

All in all everything is going great, just praying that things stay this way! You never know with life!

Bella & Alyssa

Well Gwen informed me that its been too long since I blogged, so here goes:))

Lets see here! I am now 33 weeks, and I've got to admit the closer I get the more pain I am in! I never realized how much pain carrying around extra weight can be lol, esp when the weight contains a baby:P Gosh that still feels weird to say sometimes...Im having a baby. :D Lately I have just been trying to get everything set up for Alyssa's arrival! I keep moving things around -of course! LOL. And I have a list a mile long of things that need to be taken care of before she gets here. Top on my list is cleaning my couch -Anna is going to let me borrow a cleaner --amazzzzing! And getting our car detail cleaned...Im really excited because I talked to a guy at the PX who was handing out fliers and he said it would be around $130 and my car will look bran new when its done...they even take the seats out! AWESOME. lol Im going to get that done around the first or second week in March. As soon as thats done Im going to go ahead and put the car seat & stroller in there..and all the other baby stuff I have:P Im going to get my couch cleaned around that same time I think. Alyssa's room is pretty much done, I just need to find some curtains. I got the cutest rod, and tomorrow Im going to put it up & make sure it will actually work with our stupid walls. Then I'll buy the actual curtains:) ahhh I love this! :D

We have been having lots of fun with Bella ---not!! She learned how to get out of the fence..which is seriously the biggest pain in the but ever. We will fill the holes with rocks where she digs, but it doesn't matter she will just get out again. One day I had a knock at my door and what do you know it was animal control! Bella & Rocky (the neighbors dog- her boyfriend) had gotten out and we didn't even realize it. Luckily Monica happened to look out the window as they were putting the dogs in the back, so they gave us our dogs back & 'wrote us up'. It wasn't too big of a deal they just have to go through our husbands chain of command and let them know. So we were trying to figure out how they got out, well Monicas door has been broken forever and they never got out...so she thought maybe she just didn't close the gate right & they snuck out. So we made sure to close the gate and let them back out to play. HA -come to find out the gate WAS closed like it always was, they just pushed it open....jerks! Guess who picks them up?? You guessed it...animal control! We were both soo embarrassed, but luckily the housing guy was going to another neighbors and we asked him to fix the fence...so the guy said he would help us out by saying our dogs got out but we had already called to get the fence fixed. haha, thankfully he was nice! WELLL fast forward a couple days, and them getting out a few times in between (us getting them first). I leave Bella outside (thursday) while I left which is what I normally do. And we had fixed the holes so we thought we were good...uhh no lol. I come home to an empty yard..Bella is no where to be found. So I knock on Monicas door to make sure they have Rocky. They did... so her husband helped me look for Bella. She was goneeeee. So Monica took me over to animal control to see if she was there...nope. I started freaking out! Well Bret found out for me that Cassidy had seen her get picked up earlier by animal control, so I was like ohh well shes at the vet clinic then (but they were closed). I guess Ill just have to wait till the morning! So  I set my alarm for 8am and I call to ask about my baby, nope they don't have her. So then I started to panic. Well I went back to check animal control again and thank god she was there!!! So needless to say Bella hasn't been allowed outside without supervision all weekend haha! We are working on getting sand bags (well Bret is) to go along the fence...we got a few..we need more though=/ And hopefully that will work, then Ill line rocks up on the outside of the fence just in case! Sooo yeah Bella has been really annoying and doing lots of crying this weekend haha. Yesterday I went outside and sat with her and Rocky for a little bit so they could play..but Im not doing that every day lol.

Welllll Im going to blog again soon, Im getting tired!!

One crazy week!

I apparently haven't posted in a while, oops!

Well lets see here, where to start! I am home from christmas leave obviously:) And ever since I have just been working on Alyssa's room, and getting everything perfect for her arrival!<3 I was doing a bit of nesting when I first got back, but now I have a horrible cold...so the nesting has been put on hold. Which is probably a good thing because I was going a litttttle crazy. Im now 30weeks<3 I can't even believe it, these past 30 weeks have flown by! Part of me feels like Ive been pregnant forever, but the other part feels like I just found out!

I had an OB appointment this past Monday. When I went in I told them Alyssa hadnt been moving as much this past weekend, but I was still feeling her daily so I wasn't really too worried. The nurse told me I should have went in and gotten it checked out (oops I didn't know). Then they put me on the machines and had me push a button anytime Alyssa moved. She passed with flying colors, I swear Ive never felt her move that much before. Its pretty much amazing! Well then my doctor came in, and he said her heartbeat and movements looked great but he wanted to do an ultrasound just to check my fluids & see her. Well he turned the machine on and right away it was her butt, he said 'its still a girl' (yay). Then he said something about my fluids that I didn't understand (the nurses swear my fluids are fine though), so maybe he was saying the look good, idk! Then of out no where he asks me if I am free today, I told him yes. He wanted to know if I would go see a specialist THAT DAY. I said yes of course, well then the nurses came back letting him know I couldn't because of my insurance, I would need a referral. So he said to book the appointment for the following Monday. He put the referral in, but because hes not an on post doctor apparently he doesn't have that power. So the referral was denied. I then had to call the appointment line and beg for a same day appointment to get my referral, I explained the situation and they were able to get me in! The doctor I saw was pretty nice, but she kept saying she didn't understand why I needed the referral..listen lady either do I but my doctor wants me to see someone so damn it I am going to see them. She ended up calling the doctors office asking some questions, after talking to them she decided not to be the referral in as urgent -which sucked because tricare told me that if they put it on as urgent I would be able to get in and see the doctor thursday (because they said they would fit me in as long as I got the referral in time). WELL -she put ASAP instead of urgent so apparently that makes a difference. I was stalking the website like crazy! Then Friday came around and no word about my referral so I started calling numbers, most of them were dead ends or no one answering. The appointment line had no clue, they said I needed to call the doctor who put in the referral and gave me 3 numbers -none of them worked. I couldn't get ANYONE to answer. Finally another friend posted two phone numbers for me to try and they finally worked! I was able to talk to referral management who then gave me the BAD news! The OB clinic on post wanted to see me BEFORE they would OK the referral. They then wrote in their notes that they didn't see why I was off post anyways, and wanted me back as a patient. I started crying to the lady explaining how I never saw an OB on post. And told her the whole story of why I was off post. As I explained more and more the lady seemed to be getting pretty mad at the system. She told me I would have to call the OB to try to get them to deal with this, OR drive down there and get answers. But then she changed her mind and said she would go ahead and call for me and fight with them. She asked me if I was OK with going standard in order to see the specialist on monday AND stay with my doctor! I told her that was a DEFF YES. So then I played the waiting game for a little bit of time, but thankfully she called me back & let me know she had taken care of EVERYTHING! She told me she made it so I am able to see my doctor Monday AND keep my OB! The referral management people called quite a few times yesterday telling me what was going on, and finally I got the call that it was totally taken care of! Needless to say I did A LOT of crying this week! LOL. Mostly just because of the stress of the referral, and some because I am worried about my baby. I know that if anything was seriously wrong doctor Zarate would have sent me right over the hospital and called in Dr Theard to see me...so Im not super stressed. Its just kind of weight on my heart. I did end up calling L&D at beaumont AND sierra medical center on weds evening once I realized I deff wasn't going to be seen on thursday. The beaumont nurse scared the crap out of me -telling me how there has to be a huge reason hes sending me otherwise hes wasting money. Then going on about how shes surprised Im off post because they are calling all their patients back, and then telling me not even to bother coming it because they don't have anyone at the hospital that could even do what dr theard could do. And pretty much shit talking my doctor the whole time. So I got off the phone with her feeling WAY worse and WAY more scared. So I called sierra medical, I actually got a nurse who knows what shes doing. She explained how it DOES make since that my doctor would be sending me to see a specialist because of my past, and because I went in saying I wasn't feeling her. She explained how my doctor can't do the extensive testing that Dr Theard can do. And that now I am in my third trimester so its really important to watch out for everything and be really careful. She said she knows the doctor I am seeing and hes wonderful. THEN she told me not to come in because if it was something serious dr zarate would have deff sent me in to the hospital that day and called him in because he works with thier hospital. She also told me she saw a specialist for her pregnancy, and how wonderfully the doctors explain everything. So I feel a lot better! And now Im super excited because Justin didn't think they were going to allow him to go to the appointment monday, but they said yes:) So luckily I won't have to do this appointment alone! Now if monday could just hurry up and get here..

Besides all that crazy nonsense I have just been dealing with a cold this week, I swear I feel like its getting worse everyday. Monday, Im going to ask the doctor to just listen to my lungs and make sure everything is OK. Im having so much chest pain from all that crap stuck in there! The doctor I saw on tuesday gave me some stuff for my throat, but thats all I was having problems with that day.

Well, thats pretty much all I feel the need to write about...soo I will update after my appointment!