Homesick

I am extremely homesick. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Ft. Bliss, I love the army (most of the time), I love my friends, I pretty much just love my life. But I miss home. Every time a plan a trip home the months leading up to it are killer. I was doing really good until my mom and sister came to visit. And now since we planned to go home next month...Im dying. Its all I think about. Then I realize I'm leaving on the 30th of July and we have to be back on the 14th of Aug -and we are driving. It seems like thats not enough time at home AT ALL. The army should just give Justin a month off for block leave. That sounds like a really good idea to me! haha. I was just reading a friends blog and she was talking about being home, which made me want to go home EVEN more, haha. Ahhh...this is the army, and while I love it...I just think they should move Ft. Bliss a little closer to home! Honestly, I would even be happy with 12 hours away. 26 seems like so far away. Sighhhh...owell once Aug hits Ill be home!! and then not too much longer I'll be back home for Christmas.

Other then being homesick, Justins been in the field all month. He comes home on weekends, except this weekend. Next weekend they have a 4 day, but he has guard so again for the second time he only gets a 3 day. But I am just thankful hes coming home for at least 3 days:) and that his guard didn't fall on our ovulation, not that it mattered anyways. After that he goes back for 2 more weeks then hes done, finally. I'm so glad he gets to come home for weekends, but with all this field training I'm seeing what the army is really like. I don't mind it so much, mostly because I am just so thankful hes not deploying anytime soon. But the house sure is lonely without him. The dogs make it a lot better though, I must say. Also friends, if I didn't have friends I think I'd go absolutely crazy. Someday I'll have kids to add to the mix, then it deff won't be so bad, or so lonely.

You know whats crazy...I'd be so pregnant right now. Big belly, already knowing the sex, shopping, planning baby showers, getting ready for a baby to born at the end of September, happiest girl in the world. Instead I look down to an empty belly,  periods every month, tracking ovulation, and being depressed. It sucks. It really sucks. I wanted to be pregnant by September, so it would be like I would have either had this baby, or the other baby. The way things are looking that is not going to happen. Even if I did get pregnant before September, Ive still been trying another 6 months. When September comes, and I start fertility meds - I will have been TTC 18 months. Look at that number, what a depressing number. Sure I did get pregnant in the mix, but I had a horrible miscarriage, so whats the point in that. You know, Ive said it before, but its crazy - how can my life be sooo perfectly amazing yet theres one thing missing that causes depression? Ive been asking myself that for months, its crazy. However, lately I have been doing much better about being so depressed...I just remind myself the good in it taking so long. Theres not many good things about it, but I can find a few. Sometimes I wonder if because I think of those good things God thinks I don't need a baby? Then I realize how stupid that actually sounds. My mind does play tricks on me though. The only thing I am certain of is when it does happen for us -we are going to appreciate the things most parents take for granted. And thats enough to make me smile!

I've been thinking its about time to go back to school. My friend goes to this online school, its for Military families only. I can't remember the name -ever. But I am thinking that once we get back from block leave, I'll start back up again. That way when I'm home I can go back to LMC and get my transcripts, and get started. I am a little scared, actually a lot scared. But I know that I can DEFF do it. It's not like I do anything else like seriously. The only reason I haven't went back so far is because I honestly just don't know what I want to do with my life. So Im just going to get a general degree so I do a bunch of different things. My newest love is being a vet tech. Before my choices were based on money, but now that Justin is talking about staying in the army 20 years, I don't really have to worry about money. I can do something that makes decent money and something I would love to do. I'd also love to work in a nursing home, call me crazy but I just think as hard as that job would be, Id love it. And it would be so rewarding. I want to do something rewarding, something that helps people or animals. I want to do something that means something to someone. Id actually love to work at the animal services place where I got my dogs. The only problem is I think my big ol heart would want to take all of them home. Even though I'm upset with the way things happened with Bella getting parvo, I do realize it wasn't there fault. I just wish they would give shots as soon as the dogs walk in the door....but I understand why that don't. So many dogs a killed each day it would be so costly to give them all shots. I also wish that as soon as you say you want a dog they get their shots. Buttttt thats life, things don't always happen as you want them too. But maybe I'll go apply down there, I can help families adopt dogs and give them new homes. That itself would be rewarding, if its too hard I quit. Not a big deal, right? Idk. I guess I'll have to give it a little more thought.

Its been way too long!

It's been way to long since I updated and a lot has happened.

First off I couldn't update for like 20 years because my laptop crashed, woo hoo. Not. I was so pissed because I only had that laptop 3 years, and seriously I paid $1,000 for it. I mean I deff got my moneys worth because I used that thing SOO much, but it still sucks knowing I spent that much money and it didn't even last that long. So this time I bought a much better brand laptop. I got a two year warranty which covers EVERYTHING. It was amazing though because since I got the tech support I can cover up to 3 computers on that, and I bought a year so they gave me a free year!:) Sooo not only do I have a new baby, I also get to fix my broken laptop for SUPER cheap, all I have to pay for is the parts. So we will now have two laptops, AWESOME! I love my new laptop, but theres deff a bunch of crap I have to figure out on it haha.

Lately I have just been spending lots of time with friends, Justins been in the field all month (home on weekends). So I have been spending my weekends glued to the husband, and my weekdays staying super busy trying to help the time fly. On tuesday I went with some friends to a college in the mall they did my cut my hair, thinned it, deep conditioned it, washed it, waxed my eye brows, did a mani/pedi AND a facial all for $25. It was amazing, like a spa day haha. The best part is that was amazingly cheap.  I got a bunch of my hair chopped off, thank god..it needed to go! Other then that I have just been hanging out at the pool, and spending time with the puppies:)

Vega & Bella Luna---ohhh how I love them. I SERIOUSLY never thought I could love a dog as much as I love those two. Im not even kidding! and I strongly suggest anyone going through fertility issues to get a dog. Obviously a dog is NOT a baby and will NOT replace the feeling of wanting a child so badly, but it deff has helped me. I get to love on them, and I know they love me..I have to take care of them, I get to spoil them (and believe me I do).  However...Vega is still aggressive and very unpredictable, which is a little scary. I love her soo much. But I can't keep her, because there are way to many children coming in and out of this house and I just can't chance her attacking someone. And luckily my mom wants her really badly, so I get to take her to her this summer. It just really sucks that I have to get rid of her!:( But I really do understand that its for the best. Speaking of taking her to my mom! We get to go home in AUG now!! I can't even wait...Justin gets block leave starting July 30rd and they are forcing him to take leave, so we figured since he has to take the leave, we have to do something with Vega...we might as well go home! I am so excited I can't even waittttttttt!!!! We are driving which is going to SUCK horribly, but it will deff be worth it!:) Ahhhh....hurry up time! hahah.

So I don't remember if I blogged about this or not, but with my fertility bullshit. The doctor says that if I'm not pregnant by September we will start fertility meds, and I have an appointment in the beginning of September to discuss it. It sucks because that means I will not be pregnant by my due date, which I really wanted. But I'm trying to just say everything happens for a reason, even if we don't understand those reasons. Plus our baby fund is going DOWNNNN because of all the things we have had to buy lately. Right now Im waiting for my check from shelter care which is about $750 ahhh hurry up check! lol. But Im going back and forth because I want to get pregnant NATURALLY, but theres nothing wrong with NOT getting pregnant naturally either. Ah. However he told me that hes going to put me on hormones when I do get pregnant just in case. Which I have to say is AMAZINGGGGGGG. Because that means hopefully I won't miscarry..hopefully=/ So now I am just waiting around for sept...but I think I am going just do 'whatever' till Sept and see what happens I guess..Im so sick of obsessing over this all the time! Blah!

Anyways, Im doing writing...soo Ill blog later!