Dates I'll always remember

First off I want to say I absolutely hate the 15th, so I was wondering if we could just cut that day of of each month, k thanks!

So you know how we all have dates that will stick in your head no matter how many years its been, for instance..your wedding date, the day you started dating your s/o, your close friends & friends birthday, your childrens birthdays. Well the other day I was thinking about that. I have so many dates that I really believe I will NEVER forget. Its amazing to be that is has been almost 4 years since my miscarriage, yet I still remember the exact dates, and even the exact days. These are the dates of my pregnancies, days that will stick with me forever I am sure.

My first pregnancy: 

July 15, 2006 – My last period before I got pregnant (which also happens to be my moms birthday)

August 13^th –Took HPT because I was going to stop trying so I figured I might as well take it to get it out of the house- to my surprise it was a BFP! I called Sandra right away & told her, next I told Justin, then my mom (gosh I was scared to tell her lol).

August 15^th –Planned parenthood confirmed I was pregnant!

September 13^th –Went in for our first ultrasound at 8weeks, we found out we were losing the baby

September 15^th –Started bleeding, we lost our angel

Jan 6-7, 2007- At my birthday party I started bleeding at first we thought it was just my period or something, but I was in a lot of pain & we didn't know why (6th), the next day (7th) I passed the second baby (didn’t know it was a baby at the time though, just thought it was tissue or something- even though it looked exactly like the first baby I had passed.

Jan 8th, 2007 –Went to ER hormone level was finally down to 0. (I had been going every few weeks because my levels were still not down to 0, and we didn’t know why)

April 20^th, 2007 – Was my Due Date -which btw I always said I did NOT want to have my child on 4/20- stupid pot smoking day. && hilters birthday! ((for the record, I now would KILL to give birth on ANYDAY))

Second pregnancy:

December 18, 2010 – The first day of my last period before getting pregnant

January 9^, 2011- My 21st birthday - at 3:00 when my period hadn't started yet it was technically late because I always start in the AM, II got very excited.

January 10^, 2011 –took test BFN (was BFP just didn’t wait long enough for test to show, found it next day in the bathroom)

January 11^, 2011–Took another HPT with Sandra BFP!!!!!!

January 15, 2011- Started bledding, went to ER found out I was probably losing the baby.

January 18^, 2011- Went back to ER to check levels, they had went down, was deff losing the baby.

September 22, 2011- Due date!

Its amazing to me that I would have twin 4 year olds running around. And would be 21 weeks pregnant right now. We only want 2-3 children, so after this baby would have been born our family would have complete. 

So one of my friends here at Ft. Bliss just recently had a miscarriage, so she decided to create an event called 'angel baby bubble memorial'. We all met at the px & we blew bubbles for our angels in heaven. We would have done balloons but being that so many were coming (36 RSVPED yes on the event- most blew bubbles from home though) she figured bubbles would be better for the environment! I will post a video at the end of this blog from the event! Justin & I actually did a balloon release on prom night after the first miscarriage, we went out to Hagar Shore & we wrote all over the balloons & sent them out to heaven. It amazing, we took quite a few pictures but now they are locked onto photobucket somewhere, that I have no access too. But the memory is still very much alive for me. I have been thinking of doing another one, I may let 3 go, one for each of my children, I want to do it alone though. Not even with Justin. I want to write all over the balloons & send them up for my babies.

A friend of mine told me about this idea that I am about to share, and I absolutely love it. She said that a friend of hers told her to start a diary, and write letters to her future children, so that when her child is old enough she can give the book to him/her & that child will then know how loved and wanted he/she was. I have the absolute worst hand writing ever, so I was thinking of creating another blog on here just for that. My only concern would be that that many years from now blogger may be gone or something. I think that would help give me a little peace too though. 

I dont want you viewers reading this to thing that I am a depressing person, I am far from depressing. I just love to blog about my miscarriages because these things are on my mind, so I feel the need to get them out in the open. 

Here are a few quotes I want to share:

"After a miscarriage, you grieve for a person you never knew, and for a relationship that ended before it really began. You grieve not for a person who has lived and died but for an unlived life. You grieve for the loss of your future as the parent of the baby who has died. You are sad not just because of what you have lost but because of what will never be."

"A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven't. Most don't mention it, and they go on from day to day as if it hadn't happened, so people imagine a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had.
But ask her sometime: how old would your child be now? And she'll know." 

"You can’t grasp the loss until you understand the gain." ". . . what I can’t understand is why our story has to be a secret. When a family member dies, you grieve with the support of all the people in your life. But when the baby growing inside of you dies, you lock the sorrow inside your house and walk around in the outside world as if nothing has been lost. So I'm done keeping this a secret."

We know we'll have a baby. And we're going to have the baby we're supposed to have. Whatever baby we end up with will be the right baby. Our baby. And we know that we'll hold that child and think, "If our journey had been easy, we wouldn't have you." ~Emily Giffin (Baby Proof)

No farewell words were spoken, no time to say goodbye. You were gone before we knew it and only God knows why

"To Remember Is Painful, To Forget Is Impossible."

"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap and tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap and tell them about me?" 

"My heart is broken, but not my spirit. My desire to be have a child is greater than a fear of another miscarriage"

"THE CHILD WE HAD, BUT NEVER HAD. AND YET WE'LL HAVE FOREVER." 

How very softly you tiptoed into my world. Almost silently. Only a moment you stayed. But what an imprint your footprints have left upon my heart." ~Author Unknown

Our Angel Babies were too precious for earth... They would have made all the babies here so jealous.

"Just because a woman loses her baby does not mean that she is not a mother anymore. She will be a mother for the rest of her life."

‎"A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. But... there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that's how awful the loss is."

A heart that has been truly broken can never truly heal. It just learns to beat through the pain.

"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"

"An Angel in the book of life wrote down our babies birth, and whispered as she close the book....."Too beautiful for earth."

"Some say you are too painful to remember, I say you are too PRECIOUS to forget!"

"Our hearts still ache with sadness, And Secret tears still flow, Was it meant to lose you, No one can ever know."

"Loved with a love beyond telling, Missed with a grief beyond all tears."

Heres the video Amber made!

<3<3<3