Somtimes when I'm not sure about a choice I made, and I need to remember that I made a good choice, I make a pros & cons list. Right now, I knowww I made the best choice getting post housing, but I know that seeing my list will help out a lot.
First off, its a house. Its not the nicest house in the world, however its a house! And is MUCH better then that tiny apartment I was going to try to move into. A bad thing, we aren't going to pocket any money on BAH, I was really worried about that until I broke it down...our rent was 765 here, and our utities averaged around 120 bucks which left us with $45 left over. Which we then spend $24 a month on laundry, which brings us down to $21, then you have to factor in gas...and how much money we spend buying little things at walmart or gas stations because it was closer...if you ask me we have broke right about even. Now I will have my OWN washer & dryer, woo hoo. I will be right acrossed the street from the commisary and right down the road from the gas station, so I won't have to spend that extra couple bucks because of tax and just because prices are high ex: ciggs at 5.60 on post and 6.75 (or something) off post...dipp is 2 somthing on post...its 4 somthing off post. So just that little stuff will actually save us money. I will actually be able to have our friends over for a BBQ...we couldn't if we moved into high vista because it was going to be TINY and we had nooo balcony. I will be able to run the air/heat as high as I want..and won't have to worry about the bill. I will be able to use my scensty all the time & not worry about how it just might be effect my utility bill. The floors are tile, so that in itself are pros & cons...pros would be sooo easy to clean, we don't have to worry about the kids coming over & spilling on the carpet anymore! The cons, its cold and hard...haha. But thats what area rugs are for, which is another pro & con....pro they are soo cute, n at least I didn't waste money on my vacumm ((even tho I can use it bare floor anyways..so its not a total waste), and con they cost $$$. <--and we all know Im a cheap ass. haha. Another pro is I have my own parking, haha..I dont have to freaking search for a parking spot...and I have covered parking. Bringing stuff in is going to be awesome...imagine a day when I don't have to walk around the corner & up the stairs..haha yess. I can paint!!! Thats something cool and un that I will probably do!...eventually. haha. I get to water my grass...haha, to some that might not be that cool..but tooo me it is! I get to walk to the events on post, and don't have to worry about getting the car! Of course Justin is closer to work!:)))) So you see, while I might not be living in the cutest house in the world..there are many advantages. I always said those houses weren't worth my BAH but then I started factoring all of this stuff it, (once I was offered the house of course) and I realized, you know it is worth it. And plus I was going to live in high vista n have a tiny den for my babys room...and then have to move when the baby was like 6months-a year at the latest...now we can stay in the house till we PCS. It's a nice feeling. Oh a con is I now don't have a pool to swim in, I have to go on the one on post..which I dont really mind I love that one...it has slides! A pro is that I can invite as many people as I want & I dont have to worry about getting in trouble. Oh and I can bbq because at high vista I couldn't...and we have a YARD lol. :) a HUGE con about not being prepared is that we had to pay 1009.00 bucks to stay in this dump another month...because they raised the rent for this ugly ass townhome to 859 ((people you are ON crack if you pay that much)) and then 150 for a month to month fee...it sucks...but its only a month! And it beats saying in a hotel, getting a uhaul to put stuff in storage...getting a uhaul to pull it out...plus the hotel prices were MORE. sooo yeah...its only temp...ohhh and noooo damn deposit. as much as I loved high vista..they did kind of screw me, or I felt like I was getting screwed...when I first talked to them about moving in I was told 645 for rent (but that it would prolly go up a little bit before I moved in) & my deposit would be 150....somehow from the few months back it went upt to 670 and 275 for a deposit. Plus they were owned by the same mangers as these crappy ones. So as much as I was looking forward to moving into high vista....I believe God wanted me to get housing for a reason! OHHH and now we can [possibly] get a puppy:))) & not have to pay a stupid monthly fee or a few deposit. Im starting to learn...apartments are highway robery haha. Ahhh I can't wait to move in....:))))))))
Okayyyy...I think I have 100% convinced myself!:)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Life is full of amazing surpises:)
Today I was at care4coffee, which is a group of amazing ladies that meets on post every week and this girl was telling me how shes moving into her new house on post, and I was like man, I want to live on post....and Jena was like I've been telling you FOREVER to go up and talk to them, so I decided that I would go and talk to them, if they offered me a house it was Gods way of saying that is where I need to be, if not I am meant to move in high vista...so we went to talk to them and Angie told me she had a house...I was like holy crap. However, its the housing I swore I would never live in..I always thought it wasn't worth my bah or anything. But then I started crunching numbers and I realized on average I only saved about $40 a month living in my apartment I live in now...and then I was doing laundry which was $24 bucks a month, then facor in gas, I'm like wait a min..I am not making hardly anything by living off post. Now mind you if we moved in high vista, we DEFF would bank...however we would not be able to have ANY partys because the apartment was going to be tiny, and its not like I had a patio to send the guys out on...so I started thinking, and I was like you know what this is the best choice for us. The house on the outside is ugly as hellllll...and they deff aren't the best houses the army has to offer, however Justins rank is low, and we have no kids...its lucky we are able to get a house at all. Plus the pros out way the cons so much, its deff not a house I am in love with, and would want to live forever...but for temporany, its great. Now the bad about this choice, we are stuck in our apartment which means we have to pay a month-to-month which comes out to be 1,009 bucks, which is just another wonderful way our apartments get to rip us off, but we have noo other choice...so I decided to push our date back to getting the house a little longer so that we didn't have to 1) miss our marriage retreat & 2) pay more in prorated rent. and I will still have a few days to get everything taken care of. Im not happy that we are stuck paying that much, however it would be just as much to live in a hotel, then we would have to pay for storage && food to eat out all the time. It sucks, but its okay, everything is going to work out for the best. Im also really excited because we can now get a puppy:) Justin says nooo way, but we will see:)
It really seems like everything is falling into place..and I couldn't be happier! Plus if I get a puppy & start school...which seems like I may be going to Ashford...buttt Idk for sure....I will be so busy that I would be freaking out about not being pregnant...Im starting to realize it will happen in time, and as much as I want it...its OK thats it not happening yet. When God wants me to have my amazing child...he will bless us:) Until then, I need to get started on college & hopefully a puppy! haha.
Wellllllll just wanted to share my great news:)
It really seems like everything is falling into place..and I couldn't be happier! Plus if I get a puppy & start school...which seems like I may be going to Ashford...buttt Idk for sure....I will be so busy that I would be freaking out about not being pregnant...Im starting to realize it will happen in time, and as much as I want it...its OK thats it not happening yet. When God wants me to have my amazing child...he will bless us:) Until then, I need to get started on college & hopefully a puppy! haha.
Wellllllll just wanted to share my great news:)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Different Answers
I was thinking about how I talk to different people, and its quite funny actually.
If your like me you have different answers to the question 'how are you doing'.
When your talking to your friends who have it all and are totally happy in life, you tell them your GREAT. & you tell them all the great things that are happening in your life. You don't dare tell them the truth, why so they can think 'ha my life is even better then I thought'. No no no, I let them think everything is perfect!
When your talking to someone random that you don't talk to very often, you will either say good or great, depending on how their doing in their life, if things are great for them right now-you tell them your great. If thinks are going pretty bad, you tell them the truth 'yeah thinks are ugly for me right now too' and then you can connect on that level.
When your talking to someone that has went through what you are currently going through, somedays you don't want to talk so you will go ahead and tell them your going alright...because you know the will know if you say your GREAT. Somedays you will let them know how your REALLY doing, because you know they will be able to actually help you.
Your senstive friend-they might not have a clue how your feeling, but somehow they always know the right things to say, and are such great listeners. You usually tell them the flat out truth-look Im depressed as hell, and I can't pull myself out.
Its the same when you tell someone your pregnant ((WELL IT SHOULD BE)). Like when I told everyone this time, I told everyone in a different way...the people I knew were trying for a while, just miscarried or can't have kids "hey I just wanted to let you know Im pregnant"...to your friends who got pregnant on the first try, or already have kids, or who aren't going to give a shit if your pregnant or not its "IM PREGNANT:)". I was reading a blog about this actually, and its funny a lot of women don't even think to be senstive to your infertile friend, or your friend over there that doesn't have a problem getting pregnant, its staying pregnant. But I suppose how would you know what they felt if you never went through it. I mean if you follow my blogs, and talk to me, you should have learned by now. haha...but what about those people in world that dont have friends like me. A lot of times being infertile isn't something that girls will broadcast, some people thing its a very private matter...while others thing that if I'm stuck dealing with this your going to hear bout it...((haha that would be me!)).
It just amazes me that I feel like I can't fully be myself around certain people, I should be able to tell EVERYONE the truth about how Im feeling, and not feel like Im going to be judged. We all have bad days, and everyone goes through things in their lives that they are going to be upset about...so why do we feel like we are being judged about it. I understand what I have went through in my life, is NOTHING compared to the things other people have went through, but that doesn't mean I should be happy go lucky alllll the time. Even though I feel like I have to.
The saddest thing is people are reading this thinking, why does she feel like she can't be herself, well here is why...because I listen to the things people say, and they stay with me. If I've ever heard to talk bad about someones problems, esp if I go through the same thing later...of course I am going to be like ooookay note to self, don't talk to that her, she will be judging you.
If your like me you have different answers to the question 'how are you doing'.
When your talking to your friends who have it all and are totally happy in life, you tell them your GREAT. & you tell them all the great things that are happening in your life. You don't dare tell them the truth, why so they can think 'ha my life is even better then I thought'. No no no, I let them think everything is perfect!
When your talking to someone random that you don't talk to very often, you will either say good or great, depending on how their doing in their life, if things are great for them right now-you tell them your great. If thinks are going pretty bad, you tell them the truth 'yeah thinks are ugly for me right now too' and then you can connect on that level.
When your talking to someone that has went through what you are currently going through, somedays you don't want to talk so you will go ahead and tell them your going alright...because you know the will know if you say your GREAT. Somedays you will let them know how your REALLY doing, because you know they will be able to actually help you.
Your senstive friend-they might not have a clue how your feeling, but somehow they always know the right things to say, and are such great listeners. You usually tell them the flat out truth-look Im depressed as hell, and I can't pull myself out.
Its the same when you tell someone your pregnant ((WELL IT SHOULD BE)). Like when I told everyone this time, I told everyone in a different way...the people I knew were trying for a while, just miscarried or can't have kids "hey I just wanted to let you know Im pregnant"...to your friends who got pregnant on the first try, or already have kids, or who aren't going to give a shit if your pregnant or not its "IM PREGNANT:)". I was reading a blog about this actually, and its funny a lot of women don't even think to be senstive to your infertile friend, or your friend over there that doesn't have a problem getting pregnant, its staying pregnant. But I suppose how would you know what they felt if you never went through it. I mean if you follow my blogs, and talk to me, you should have learned by now. haha...but what about those people in world that dont have friends like me. A lot of times being infertile isn't something that girls will broadcast, some people thing its a very private matter...while others thing that if I'm stuck dealing with this your going to hear bout it...((haha that would be me!)).
It just amazes me that I feel like I can't fully be myself around certain people, I should be able to tell EVERYONE the truth about how Im feeling, and not feel like Im going to be judged. We all have bad days, and everyone goes through things in their lives that they are going to be upset about...so why do we feel like we are being judged about it. I understand what I have went through in my life, is NOTHING compared to the things other people have went through, but that doesn't mean I should be happy go lucky alllll the time. Even though I feel like I have to.
The saddest thing is people are reading this thinking, why does she feel like she can't be herself, well here is why...because I listen to the things people say, and they stay with me. If I've ever heard to talk bad about someones problems, esp if I go through the same thing later...of course I am going to be like ooookay note to self, don't talk to that her, she will be judging you.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Friends are forever?
So as some of you know, Im moving in a weeeeeek. Im suppposed to be cleaning right now...and going on post to find boxs..but I am taking a break! ((slacking pretty much haha)). I just started REALLY packing yesterday, and have gotten a lot done so far. My kitchen is almost completely done, and I started to clean it today.. I never realized how dirty it was haha. Oh well, at least I will know what to clean when I move into my **NEW** apartment!!! ahh I am very excited..I thought my year mark would NEVER come haha..even though looking back this year flew by.
On March 3rd it will be a year since we got to Ft. Bliss..so much as happened this past year. I have met soooo many wives, and sooo many of came & gone. They say you meet everyone for a reason, Im starting to understand all of those reasons...even people I only met one time made an impact on me. Each day I feel like Im realizing more & more what TRUE friendship means, and Im even more thankful for the true friends I do have. Latley I have been having a LOT of fun..Justin & I have been hanging out with other couples, guys from his unit that he alreayd works with & Im starting to hang out with thier wifes..they are all so sweet & its been so much fun! and its even better they are in the unit. :) These girls aer so much fun, and the best part is I never have to question if they are talking shit about me once I leave. Im starting to realize more & more that a friend isn't someone that hangs out with you, and is nice to your face, but someone that stays a friend when your back is turned. Everyone used to say in high school that boyfriends come & go but friends are forever...that couldn't be father from the truth in my life. I heard a quote once "You don't go to high school to find your husband, you go to find your bridesmaids". I met my husband, and ONE of my bridesmaids there..the others were family, a friend friend from work & a girl I hardly knew that filled in for someone else. A lot of people feel like they would rather have a couple really close friends then a big group of friends...I feel like this, if I had a couple of girls who were REAL friends, didn't talk shit about me when I left, that would be great. But if they are going to talk about me, Id rather have a big group of REAL friends that I may not be super close to..because I have my best friend, and she doesn't need to be replaced (not that anyone ever could haha). What is the point of being friends with someone if you worry, or know even, that the min you leave something will be said about you. My fav is when people are like 'no I never talk about you'....and everyone is sitting there like oh you don't? because I've heard you say this, this AND this about her. Maybe, we should start busting people out, maybe that would shut them up. haha. But then again maybe thats just part of being a girl? Idk though, I also don't think a friendship should be such hard work. Friends should just be able to have fun together, not worrying about the other one judging them. Like with Sandra, haha I don't worry about that AT ALL why? Because I know if I do something stupid, shes going to tell me...hey your an idiot. But really, who has to WORK to be friends with someone? Shouldn't it just be easy? & who needs to try and impress thier friends, not me..yo if you don't like me for me...just start walking because I am NOTTTT going to change for you. I recently started doing things for myself...and its been a blast. & I have been having fun! Go ahead & judge, because I really don't care anymore!
Pregnancy? I have spend since last April preparing myself to get pregnant, doing everything I can & praying every month it will happen. Now mind you, I didn't get pregnant till Dec, BUTT my periods weren't even regular until Sept/Oct, and I didn't even ovulate till Aug ((while Justin was at Ft. Polk)), so I really didn't have a chance to get pregnant till then....and then I was pregnant by December, so it really didn't take that long. HOWEVER...I was till preparing myself..and doing all this nonsense..and then I finallllllly get pregnant & lose the baby. I've decided, I will deff keep trying, because this miscarriage isn't going to break me. But Im over obessing about it. I will have sex when I oulvate, because of course I will never get pregnant if I don't..but there will be no more trying to save the sperm, having sex like crazy the week I am fertile...I will have sex when I want to, and do what I want. Of course I will keep taking my prenatals because I understand how important it is...I will never drink if I am apporching my fertile point, and will not drink till after my period comes...which gives me about 2weeks a month I can have a drink. But I ruse to let this run my life..I should be enjoying my time with my husband. Because we have time! So for now, I will enjoy all the great things about the fact that I am NOT pregnant...such as, I don't have to get up at any set them, I can go to bed late & sleep in late. I can pick up & go anywhere. If Justin & I want to go on a date, we can go! When we go to an event, I can relax knowning that I don't have a child to cater too...while I can't waittttttt to be a mom, and I would give *ANYTHING* to have it now...I also realize, there are pros! Which I think is helping me realize that it is OK that we aren't going to be parents yet. Someday, we will get our chance, and it will be nothing less then fablous..but for now...I am OK!:)
I think I am done...but Im going to leave on this note.
If you judge someone, you have no time to love them. Think about that next time you meet someone. I used to judge everyone right off the bat, and then it made it harder to get to know & love them. Now that I skip the judging part, I can go right to the loving them part!:)
On March 3rd it will be a year since we got to Ft. Bliss..so much as happened this past year. I have met soooo many wives, and sooo many of came & gone. They say you meet everyone for a reason, Im starting to understand all of those reasons...even people I only met one time made an impact on me. Each day I feel like Im realizing more & more what TRUE friendship means, and Im even more thankful for the true friends I do have. Latley I have been having a LOT of fun..Justin & I have been hanging out with other couples, guys from his unit that he alreayd works with & Im starting to hang out with thier wifes..they are all so sweet & its been so much fun! and its even better they are in the unit. :) These girls aer so much fun, and the best part is I never have to question if they are talking shit about me once I leave. Im starting to realize more & more that a friend isn't someone that hangs out with you, and is nice to your face, but someone that stays a friend when your back is turned. Everyone used to say in high school that boyfriends come & go but friends are forever...that couldn't be father from the truth in my life. I heard a quote once "You don't go to high school to find your husband, you go to find your bridesmaids". I met my husband, and ONE of my bridesmaids there..the others were family, a friend friend from work & a girl I hardly knew that filled in for someone else. A lot of people feel like they would rather have a couple really close friends then a big group of friends...I feel like this, if I had a couple of girls who were REAL friends, didn't talk shit about me when I left, that would be great. But if they are going to talk about me, Id rather have a big group of REAL friends that I may not be super close to..because I have my best friend, and she doesn't need to be replaced (not that anyone ever could haha). What is the point of being friends with someone if you worry, or know even, that the min you leave something will be said about you. My fav is when people are like 'no I never talk about you'....and everyone is sitting there like oh you don't? because I've heard you say this, this AND this about her. Maybe, we should start busting people out, maybe that would shut them up. haha. But then again maybe thats just part of being a girl? Idk though, I also don't think a friendship should be such hard work. Friends should just be able to have fun together, not worrying about the other one judging them. Like with Sandra, haha I don't worry about that AT ALL why? Because I know if I do something stupid, shes going to tell me...hey your an idiot. But really, who has to WORK to be friends with someone? Shouldn't it just be easy? & who needs to try and impress thier friends, not me..yo if you don't like me for me...just start walking because I am NOTTTT going to change for you. I recently started doing things for myself...and its been a blast. & I have been having fun! Go ahead & judge, because I really don't care anymore!
Pregnancy? I have spend since last April preparing myself to get pregnant, doing everything I can & praying every month it will happen. Now mind you, I didn't get pregnant till Dec, BUTT my periods weren't even regular until Sept/Oct, and I didn't even ovulate till Aug ((while Justin was at Ft. Polk)), so I really didn't have a chance to get pregnant till then....and then I was pregnant by December, so it really didn't take that long. HOWEVER...I was till preparing myself..and doing all this nonsense..and then I finallllllly get pregnant & lose the baby. I've decided, I will deff keep trying, because this miscarriage isn't going to break me. But Im over obessing about it. I will have sex when I oulvate, because of course I will never get pregnant if I don't..but there will be no more trying to save the sperm, having sex like crazy the week I am fertile...I will have sex when I want to, and do what I want. Of course I will keep taking my prenatals because I understand how important it is...I will never drink if I am apporching my fertile point, and will not drink till after my period comes...which gives me about 2weeks a month I can have a drink. But I ruse to let this run my life..I should be enjoying my time with my husband. Because we have time! So for now, I will enjoy all the great things about the fact that I am NOT pregnant...such as, I don't have to get up at any set them, I can go to bed late & sleep in late. I can pick up & go anywhere. If Justin & I want to go on a date, we can go! When we go to an event, I can relax knowning that I don't have a child to cater too...while I can't waittttttt to be a mom, and I would give *ANYTHING* to have it now...I also realize, there are pros! Which I think is helping me realize that it is OK that we aren't going to be parents yet. Someday, we will get our chance, and it will be nothing less then fablous..but for now...I am OK!:)
I think I am done...but Im going to leave on this note.
If you judge someone, you have no time to love them. Think about that next time you meet someone. I used to judge everyone right off the bat, and then it made it harder to get to know & love them. Now that I skip the judging part, I can go right to the loving them part!:)
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Thank God For The Little Things!
Lately things have been going really awesome **KNOCK ON WOOD** haha. Yesterday was Valentines day and my amazing husband got me an adroable balloon, a dozen red & white roses, a huge boxs of chocs & a super cute card. Then he cooked me an amazing meal (We didn't dare try to go out on vday). Yesterday I also had my doctors appointment, and I loved my doctor, she was so sweet. And then of course because this IS the army, they transfered me over to a new doctor on Biggs (where my husband works), so now I have to go to another doctor... buts its okay.. but she told me basically 2 miscarriage is normal ((which I know)), and that if I keep losing the babies before 12weeks there is nothing they can do about it, which breaks my heart..but I just have to pray that doesn't happen. But she sent me get some blood work done, which I did today, and I have to make my follow up appointment (they wouldn't go out that far today) for 2weeks, where I will get my results. Then we will see what happens from there! I don't know why but I feel sooo hopeful! Im pretty much praying that nothing is wrong, and its just something that runs in the family, and then my next pregnancy will be great. You are really fertile after miscarriage, and I got my first period, so I am cleared to start trying again. So I guess we shall see what happens:) So far it looks like my periods will be regular and beautifuly 28days, so we shall see!
Today Jena & Jess went with me to the PX to pick out some new make up, because I am trying this new thing where I do my make up, and hair everyday. Its been going great, I feel so much prettier! I have been doing my hair (which I only have to do actually do it every couple days) everyday for over a week. Well I should say Ive been keeping it straightened. But I apperciate the girls considering almost EVERYTHING they picked up I told them no because it was too expensive! haha. But we ended up working it out so that I got everything I needed for a good price:) Then we went back to Jenas & the girls did my make up! It ended up being soo pretty!!!!:)))) Now I just have to hope that I can do it myself haha...but pratice makes perfect!!
Right now I am getting sooo nervous, we are about to move into another apartment, and after living here a year, I am deff terrifed to move to another place because I don't want to have the same problems. The bad thing- I didn't go much looking till recently, and I have found nothing that I am in love with except high vista. The ONLY think I dont like about our new apartment is that its going to be tinyyy. But, I have been looking and lots of apartments that are in the price range that I want to pay, have the same sq feet. I am just thinking of all the money I am going to save. Because I am going to save $105 in rent alone. And then about $24 dollars a month for laundry...well we pay that here but its more over there $0.50 a load more..but we will be saving $24 of what we were already paying because JENAAA loves me & lives on post so shes letting us do our laundry over there!!!:) THANKS LOVE. And then if we just go with basic cable, which seems to be the best idea...we will go from paying $101 a month to like $45 or something....sooo thats even more money. But I am thinking all the money we save I will add up & put into savings every month, since we are used to spending it anyways. So I am thinking saving all that money, for a smaller apartment is deff worth it. Plus I have a few friends that live there, so that will be awesome. & I think its closer to post, or the same distance (but I think closer)...and then I will actually be able to swim in my pool because it won't be gross haha...andddd I will live downstairs, so noooo more carrying crap up and down stairs, woo hoo!:) Like I said the only thing I am really worried about is how small it is, but I think it will be worth it!:) So now in 2weeks, I will be out of this crap hole, and on to something better! And hopefully after my 6months is up housing will be like here you go..heres a beautiful house for you! And hopefully I am pregnant too...but who really knows!
Enough typing, Im going to go<3
Today Jena & Jess went with me to the PX to pick out some new make up, because I am trying this new thing where I do my make up, and hair everyday. Its been going great, I feel so much prettier! I have been doing my hair (which I only have to do actually do it every couple days) everyday for over a week. Well I should say Ive been keeping it straightened. But I apperciate the girls considering almost EVERYTHING they picked up I told them no because it was too expensive! haha. But we ended up working it out so that I got everything I needed for a good price:) Then we went back to Jenas & the girls did my make up! It ended up being soo pretty!!!!:)))) Now I just have to hope that I can do it myself haha...but pratice makes perfect!!
Right now I am getting sooo nervous, we are about to move into another apartment, and after living here a year, I am deff terrifed to move to another place because I don't want to have the same problems. The bad thing- I didn't go much looking till recently, and I have found nothing that I am in love with except high vista. The ONLY think I dont like about our new apartment is that its going to be tinyyy. But, I have been looking and lots of apartments that are in the price range that I want to pay, have the same sq feet. I am just thinking of all the money I am going to save. Because I am going to save $105 in rent alone. And then about $24 dollars a month for laundry...well we pay that here but its more over there $0.50 a load more..but we will be saving $24 of what we were already paying because JENAAA loves me & lives on post so shes letting us do our laundry over there!!!:) THANKS LOVE. And then if we just go with basic cable, which seems to be the best idea...we will go from paying $101 a month to like $45 or something....sooo thats even more money. But I am thinking all the money we save I will add up & put into savings every month, since we are used to spending it anyways. So I am thinking saving all that money, for a smaller apartment is deff worth it. Plus I have a few friends that live there, so that will be awesome. & I think its closer to post, or the same distance (but I think closer)...and then I will actually be able to swim in my pool because it won't be gross haha...andddd I will live downstairs, so noooo more carrying crap up and down stairs, woo hoo!:) Like I said the only thing I am really worried about is how small it is, but I think it will be worth it!:) So now in 2weeks, I will be out of this crap hole, and on to something better! And hopefully after my 6months is up housing will be like here you go..heres a beautiful house for you! And hopefully I am pregnant too...but who really knows!
Enough typing, Im going to go<3
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Friends come and go but the memorys last forever
Today I want to blog about friends...
Its amazing to me how friends come & go so quickly in our lives. I notice a lot of times you hear about the friends you lose from drama, & what not. But what about the friends that quickly slip out of your reach for maybe no reason at all...you simply lose touch with them. When you see them you may say hey, how are you...& you may still care about them but for some reason you just lose touch, and they are gone. When this happens to me I always ask myself why. I have soo many friends that I dont talk to very often, but when I do talk to them I know are still friends, I dont even have to second guess if they still want to remain friends, I just know. Just because we don't talk everyday doesn't mean we aren't friends. But here in El Paso its so much different, if you don't talk to someone for a while you start to wonder, are we still friends, does she hate me now, is she talking shit. Its crazy how you can go from being really close to someone to just running into them & getting no more then a hey out of them. I do know that I am really thankful for all those friends I can just pick up & start talking to, thats when you know you have real friends.
Im starting to miss home more & more these days. I'm starting to wish we could just pack up & go back home...even though I know if I were to move back there I would miss El Paso so much...funny how that works. If I could just pick a few people and make them move here life would be pretty freaking great.
I watched the last 4 eposides of army wives season 4 tonight, just so I can get caught up again before the premire...and they were talking about Pamela moving away, and how Roxie was feeling about it (they are best friends), I couldn't help but think that one day one of my close friends from here is going to move. I have already had two friends move away, and its not easy. I have had a long distance relationship with Sandra for a while now-actually she moved away from me in Nov of 09 and we have been long distance ever since. Plus the times before when she moved away to Iowa just because. Its really hard to keep up with long distance relationships, but we make it work! It just makes me wonder, if everyone moved away, or if I moved away, would we remain friends? Or okay, would we remain close friends? With a few friends husbands coming home its time to make choices on weather to PCS or not...Its pretty heart breaking for me, because I just got her a year ago, so I know we won't be leaving...and then theres possiblies of my friends leaving. I know its army life, but I guess I didn't count on getting this close to people. I also didn't count on getting this close to people, going as far as calling them a possible el paso best friend, and then suddenly something happening and you losing touch. Its kind of a tough pill to swallow, however-it reminds me of this quote Im not exactly sure how it goes but something like People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Since moving to el paso, I can name a lot of people that have came & gone & even point out the reasons.
Moving on to something new..
Yep, still depressed. I'm trying to act happy, but its just not working. My period came yesterday, which just reminded me of the miscarriage of course. It is a good thing though, because that means my period will hopefully get back on track to where it needs to be. Which means maybe I can get pregnant & it won't take that long...who really knows though. I'm really looking forward to my appointment on Monday-I feel like I have so many damn questions. I hope they don't ask if Im depressed, Im not really sure how to answer that. I suppose I should tell the doctor the only thing I am depressed about is this miscarriages. Lately, even though I have been doing things, all I really want to do is sit on the couch & cuddle with Justin...who hasn't been around much lately (work), or sleep. Ive been on facebook a lot just to pass the time, which I must say doesn't help..considering everyone is pregnant. and many of them are on thier 2nd child before I even got my first. Im seeing some postives to all the time its taking to get pregnant, like how huge my savings account will be by the time I finally get my blessing, which means my child won't have to go without at all..and how I am going to apperciate everything 100times more then other mothers do. Everytime I think I'm doing better I am slapped in the face by something new. Im trying to care about other pregnancys, but I dont. I'm trying to be supportive, loving & caring...but its all fake. Sooner or later I WILL snap out of this. I keep telling myself that, and it seems to be helping me get through the day. The past two days have been horrible because my bleeding has been pretty bad, to the point where I almost passed out in the shower, and I am so tired I can bearly function-even after a lot of hours of sleep. I can't eat much, I feel like Im going to throw up, and I feel quizy all the time. I know this too shall pass....but in the mean time it fucking sucks. Well, I have stayed up waiting for Justin to get off the game for too long...so now I am going to say fuck it & go to bed...
Its amazing to me how friends come & go so quickly in our lives. I notice a lot of times you hear about the friends you lose from drama, & what not. But what about the friends that quickly slip out of your reach for maybe no reason at all...you simply lose touch with them. When you see them you may say hey, how are you...& you may still care about them but for some reason you just lose touch, and they are gone. When this happens to me I always ask myself why. I have soo many friends that I dont talk to very often, but when I do talk to them I know are still friends, I dont even have to second guess if they still want to remain friends, I just know. Just because we don't talk everyday doesn't mean we aren't friends. But here in El Paso its so much different, if you don't talk to someone for a while you start to wonder, are we still friends, does she hate me now, is she talking shit. Its crazy how you can go from being really close to someone to just running into them & getting no more then a hey out of them. I do know that I am really thankful for all those friends I can just pick up & start talking to, thats when you know you have real friends.
Im starting to miss home more & more these days. I'm starting to wish we could just pack up & go back home...even though I know if I were to move back there I would miss El Paso so much...funny how that works. If I could just pick a few people and make them move here life would be pretty freaking great.
I watched the last 4 eposides of army wives season 4 tonight, just so I can get caught up again before the premire...and they were talking about Pamela moving away, and how Roxie was feeling about it (they are best friends), I couldn't help but think that one day one of my close friends from here is going to move. I have already had two friends move away, and its not easy. I have had a long distance relationship with Sandra for a while now-actually she moved away from me in Nov of 09 and we have been long distance ever since. Plus the times before when she moved away to Iowa just because. Its really hard to keep up with long distance relationships, but we make it work! It just makes me wonder, if everyone moved away, or if I moved away, would we remain friends? Or okay, would we remain close friends? With a few friends husbands coming home its time to make choices on weather to PCS or not...Its pretty heart breaking for me, because I just got her a year ago, so I know we won't be leaving...and then theres possiblies of my friends leaving. I know its army life, but I guess I didn't count on getting this close to people. I also didn't count on getting this close to people, going as far as calling them a possible el paso best friend, and then suddenly something happening and you losing touch. Its kind of a tough pill to swallow, however-it reminds me of this quote Im not exactly sure how it goes but something like People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Since moving to el paso, I can name a lot of people that have came & gone & even point out the reasons.
Moving on to something new..
Yep, still depressed. I'm trying to act happy, but its just not working. My period came yesterday, which just reminded me of the miscarriage of course. It is a good thing though, because that means my period will hopefully get back on track to where it needs to be. Which means maybe I can get pregnant & it won't take that long...who really knows though. I'm really looking forward to my appointment on Monday-I feel like I have so many damn questions. I hope they don't ask if Im depressed, Im not really sure how to answer that. I suppose I should tell the doctor the only thing I am depressed about is this miscarriages. Lately, even though I have been doing things, all I really want to do is sit on the couch & cuddle with Justin...who hasn't been around much lately (work), or sleep. Ive been on facebook a lot just to pass the time, which I must say doesn't help..considering everyone is pregnant. and many of them are on thier 2nd child before I even got my first. Im seeing some postives to all the time its taking to get pregnant, like how huge my savings account will be by the time I finally get my blessing, which means my child won't have to go without at all..and how I am going to apperciate everything 100times more then other mothers do. Everytime I think I'm doing better I am slapped in the face by something new. Im trying to care about other pregnancys, but I dont. I'm trying to be supportive, loving & caring...but its all fake. Sooner or later I WILL snap out of this. I keep telling myself that, and it seems to be helping me get through the day. The past two days have been horrible because my bleeding has been pretty bad, to the point where I almost passed out in the shower, and I am so tired I can bearly function-even after a lot of hours of sleep. I can't eat much, I feel like Im going to throw up, and I feel quizy all the time. I know this too shall pass....but in the mean time it fucking sucks. Well, I have stayed up waiting for Justin to get off the game for too long...so now I am going to say fuck it & go to bed...
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Just writing
Today has been a great day so far! Paxton got here around 11, I think...and as usual he started playing on his mat that he loves so much, and ended up falling asleep, around 12:30 it was time to eat, and then change his diaper, like usual:)...then of course we play for a little bit, and then its nap time again. Right now hes just napping:) and soon he will wake up & need a diaper change & to eat....shortly after that mom or dad will be here to pick him up! I haven't had a day alone (minus Paxton, because hes easy) for quite some time. So its been really relaxing to just sit & watch tv..I caught up on my biggest loser! I do have some stuff I should be doing, but ehh what the heck, laying around seems like much more fun! Justin was supposed to go to the feild today and not come back till Friday evening, but that got cancelled YAY:) Thats always a wonderful surprise haha.
I think Im getting my period finally, after the miscarriage...its due next week sometime (well if it came a month after) so thats pretty exciting because that means my body will be back on track! I starting spotting last night and a thiny little bit this morning ...so mabye its coming. Who really knows...guess I get to sit around & wait.
I am sooo excited because we are getting taxs back on the 18th!!!!:))) We are going to put 3months extra down on the car:) and I always paid $50 extra every month! I just wish I could figure out if I paid a certain amount every month how long it would take to pay off! Maybe someday I'll come acrossed my answer...if not, I will keep keep paying my extra, knowing that I am deff saving on interest, and getting closer to the end:) Its just crazy to think that we started with a 5 year plan...and that its only been a year. We deff will not be getting another car with a lease till we are done with this one...so hopefully we can do that ASAP!:) Justin is also getting new boots (booooo) and new shoes for work with taxs....and then Im getting Sandra her babyshower gift:) && then the rest is going to into savings...which is going to put give us a lot more in savings...yay! When I think about it I get soo excitedddd!:) haha. Anyone that knows me well knows Im a bit money obessed, n having a savings means a lot to me! So watching ours build the last few months has been amazing!:)
So Me & my besttt friend were talking the other day, and we obviously live two VERY different lifes. We are both married & both have husbands in the army, we are from the same place, and have been best friends for years. But our lifes are totally different, shes going through her first deployment, and moved home for her. Shes has a 1 year old AMAZING little boy, and is pregnant with her little girl. I am married, and dealing with the whole TTC thing, Ive had two miscarriages, and want nothing more then to have a baby. But we were talking about how crazy it is that EVERYTHING in your life can be soooo perfect, and we can be SOO HAPPY, but we have that ONE thing that really takes a toll on us....and its just so crazy to thing that your life can be so amazing, and you can be so happy but one thing is holding you back from being 100000% happy. But I also think that you as hard is it is, I should realize that I am TRULY blessed, and so what if I haven't had a baby yet, I AM still young, and I DO have time....and I am so blessed to have an amazing husband that I am so in love with , great friends, THE BEST BEST FRIEND, amazing family, a roof over my head, money in the bank, husband has a steady job ..I just have so much going for me..how I can be depressed about one thing! It always takes me to the serenity prayer.<3
Thats all for now<3
I think Im getting my period finally, after the miscarriage...its due next week sometime (well if it came a month after) so thats pretty exciting because that means my body will be back on track! I starting spotting last night and a thiny little bit this morning ...so mabye its coming. Who really knows...guess I get to sit around & wait.
I am sooo excited because we are getting taxs back on the 18th!!!!:))) We are going to put 3months extra down on the car:) and I always paid $50 extra every month! I just wish I could figure out if I paid a certain amount every month how long it would take to pay off! Maybe someday I'll come acrossed my answer...if not, I will keep keep paying my extra, knowing that I am deff saving on interest, and getting closer to the end:) Its just crazy to think that we started with a 5 year plan...and that its only been a year. We deff will not be getting another car with a lease till we are done with this one...so hopefully we can do that ASAP!:) Justin is also getting new boots (booooo) and new shoes for work with taxs....and then Im getting Sandra her babyshower gift:) && then the rest is going to into savings...which is going to put give us a lot more in savings...yay! When I think about it I get soo excitedddd!:) haha. Anyone that knows me well knows Im a bit money obessed, n having a savings means a lot to me! So watching ours build the last few months has been amazing!:)
So Me & my besttt friend were talking the other day, and we obviously live two VERY different lifes. We are both married & both have husbands in the army, we are from the same place, and have been best friends for years. But our lifes are totally different, shes going through her first deployment, and moved home for her. Shes has a 1 year old AMAZING little boy, and is pregnant with her little girl. I am married, and dealing with the whole TTC thing, Ive had two miscarriages, and want nothing more then to have a baby. But we were talking about how crazy it is that EVERYTHING in your life can be soooo perfect, and we can be SOO HAPPY, but we have that ONE thing that really takes a toll on us....and its just so crazy to thing that your life can be so amazing, and you can be so happy but one thing is holding you back from being 100000% happy. But I also think that you as hard is it is, I should realize that I am TRULY blessed, and so what if I haven't had a baby yet, I AM still young, and I DO have time....and I am so blessed to have an amazing husband that I am so in love with , great friends, THE BEST BEST FRIEND, amazing family, a roof over my head, money in the bank, husband has a steady job ..I just have so much going for me..how I can be depressed about one thing! It always takes me to the serenity prayer.<3
Thats all for now<3
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