I finally did it. I made an appointment to go ask for my referal to see a fertlity doctor. Its a huge step, but I feel like its the right one. I hate those words even, saying it is like admitting out loud & to myself, that I have a problem. A serious problem. I still have a lot of good on my side, and I do feel like I dont really need to see a specialst considering after the horrible depo & seasonique I did finally get my cycles regular. & once I did, boom was pregnant. However, every month I give myself a reason why I don't want to do go. I promised myself I would go if I wasn't pregnant by April, well then I got pregnant, so I figured, why go, you obviously can get pregnant. So then I convinced myself that I had to go off post to get help staying pregnant, well then they ran all those tests and we see nooo reason why I can't have a successful pregnancy, so then I'm like okay lets wait till my period comes. Then it comes...and I make an excuse why it will happen next month. Well this is where I finally put my foot down & said enough is enough. Its been a year, & while I totally understand why it took a year...Its still been a year. & I refuse to waste anymore time just hoping next month is my month. By the time I actually go to the doctor, next monday, get my refferal, & see my new doctor it will be May I'm sure. I know, that no matter what happens, this is the very best decision for me. So I am very proud of myself.
I was talking to a friend last night, who also deals with TTC, and were sitting there talking about how we can't WAIT to throw up. Its funny really, girls who don't have troubles getting pregnant maybe don't complain about being sick, but they deff don't apperciate it. If you reading this blog thinking yep, I got pregnant & loved everything about it, esp the morning sickness..you must have had troubles getting pregnant. A lot of times I get told 'seriously you say that now, but you won't feel that way when your pregnant'. Heres the thing, Im willing to bet you a million dollars I do. The pain most pregnant women again mabye don't complain about, but deff find annoying. We won't. I can assure you we will enjoy every step of being pregnant. Ahh I can't even wait. I can't wait to show everyone how dumb they are:) I can't wait to have a huge belly, I can't wait to feel my child kick me, I can't wait to NOT sleep at night, I can't wait to hear my childs cry in the middle of the night. I can't wait for all the good that comes with being a monther, but I also can't wait for all the bad. I truly truly belive that trying for your child is a horrible thing, and sucks while your going through it, but will be worth it in the end, and someday I will be thankful for having to try so hard, because it deff has made me apperciate a lot. Losing my babies was the hardest thing I ever had to go through, second hardest trying month after month with no results. But, in the end this is going to make me stronger, and wayyy more apperciatve then I would have been otherwise:)<3
Moving on to a totally different subject.
The shutdown. Of course yes its over now & military will be getting our full check. But I have to say that was DAMN scary. As I said over & over again, Justin & I would have been more then fine. We wouldn't have had to worry about a thing. But I was stressed out so much for others, I can't count the amount of families I KNEW would be struggling horribly from not getting paid. I was getting really pissed off though because everyone was like WELL this is why you should have savings. Ok, I will be the first to tell you that I think EVERYONE should save money. EVERYONE. But somtimes I do see how its just not possible. And I also don't think that THAT was the time to bitch at people for not having a savings account. Now that its all over & done with, I deff will say I think even putting $10 a check in savings is a good idea. But seriously. Then I had so many people posting status's 'I dont wanna hear you bitch about it anymore, if it happens, it happens'. Buttt did you watch the news? Because I did, and all those status's that you didn't want to see, were on the news. They were saying military was expressing their concerns through facebook. So if you ask me, my bitching worked. I'm sure its not the decicing factor, butttt if you were up there wanting to get re elected wouldn't you not want to piss off a big group of people, such as us??? Also, I saw a lot of people getting mad about others bitching about the president. Well heres my opinion, hes a douchebag. Yeah I said it, I hate him. I feel like he hasn't done anything. And seriously ALL this was going on & he 'might cancel his vacation'. Really?? Military families EVERYWHERE were stressing out, and this mother fucker wants to go on vacation? Seriously? I can honestly say I dont think obama respects the military AT ALL. Sure he came out to ft bliss, more like he came to try to prove to us he cares, he doesn't fucking care. He was never in the military so he doesn't understand the military. & as I said, it doesn't respect the military. I seriously hope he doesn't get re-elected next year. People get pissed at me for saying this buttt I was in college at the time he was elected & I can't even count the number of people I over heard saying that they were only voting for him because he was black. I worked at pizza hut, where I heard many people say they wanted him elected because hes young a black. I know soo many black people that voted that year JUST because they wanted to vote for him,..because hes black. It maked me sick, when I heard he was elected I president, I wanted to throw up. Barack Hussein Obama II look at that name, I know you guys are going to think Im fucking nuts, and thats okay:) Buttt I swear to god I feel like hes a terriost, or works for them, or something. People say the world is going to end in 2012, yes because our president is going to help blow the fucker up. ha, just kidding about that part. But I seriously seriously seriously seriously get a bad vibe from the man. & I dont for ONE second believe he was born in the US. Also, he doesn't say the Pledge of allegiance, why??? I dont understand. Ahhh, I hate the man. I hate him, I hate him, I fucking hate him! Also, it really bothers me that we don't say the pledge of allergiance in schools anymore, thats awful. I dont give a fuck who we offend, if you dont like it GO BACK TO YOUR OWN COUNTRY. & talking about Prayer & Gods word offends people, who the hell cares. ONE NATION UNDER GOD. If you don't believe in God, then don't pray along with us. No one said you have to believe it, but not being able to even talk about God is getting awful. MAYYYBE the world wouldn't be such a horrible place if they let God back into our schools. I'm just saying, whooooo cares who we offend. IT offends me that abortion is legal && many many many others in this world, but they won't change that for us will that.
Speaking of abortion. I was reading on my fav TTC page, and this girl commented & said her sister was thinking of having her 3rd abortion (guess she decided to keep the baby though) and that her sister had been trying FOREVER to get pregnant & was having loss's and what not, that she begged her sister to let them adopt the baby & she said no. Then another girl commented with pretty much the same story. Now I have to say if I was in their shoes & my sister had an abortion. I would NOT forgive her, an I don't think I would ever talk to her again. ALSO one of these girls said they had miscarriage twice, the days they were supposed to get the abortion? Ummm...seriously first off all if your going to have a fucking abortion own up to to...stop trying to say you had a miscarriage when it reality you killed your baby. Girls like that make me wanna throw up! So then another girl comments & says that she knows a girl that had 6 abortions, yes 6. And now wants a baby & can't get pregnant & shes upset about it. OKAYYYYY HOLD THE PHONE>>>This bitch is mad beause she can't get pregnant after she killed 6 babies? I WOULD be so pissed off THAT BITCH got another try, when I know soo many that can't even get pregnant with one baby. The girl said she 'felt for her' hell to the no, I dont even feel for her becuase our situations are complelety diferent....your a whore who can't keep her legs closed so she kills babys, and Im a girl who has had two miscarriages. No we are NOTHING IN COMMON. I seriously think if they are going to keep abortion legal they need to say you can't get more then one. Sorry, USE BIRTH CONTROL &&&& CONDOMS & stop being a fucking whore. <-- I dont care if all those babies were by the same guy, your still a whore in my book. When I hear the word abortion, I want to throw up. I mean really throw up. I used to hate it really bad, but now I straight up fucking despise it. And to be honest, I think its really selfish, if you dont want that baby then give that child to someone who does. I CANT EVEN COUNT the number of people I know that have been trying YEARS or know they can't get pregnant at all. They would LOVE to take your baby. 'I can't do that, I can't carry a baby for 9months & give it up for adooption', butttttt you can kill one? I dont understand your thinking. I did a assignment in school for abortion, I wish I still had it...I would deff be posting that shit all over my facebook. Seriously a womens right to choose my fucking ass, what about thou shall not kill? Shakes my damn head. I'm sorry but everyone is entited to thier opinions & this my mine. I hate our stupid fucking president & I hate abortion. And the topic abortion has been PRETTY high latly with the whole planned parenthood bullshit. DID YOU KNOW that only 1% of all abortions occur because of rape or incest. 6% occur because of potential health problems & 95% for social reasons ((the child isn't wanted or its 'inconvient')). My hopes is that SOMEONE that is wanting to get an abortion reads this & realize ITS WRONG. And that if you REALY dont want your chilld, their are many families out there that would love to adopt your child. Think about that, your child would have an awesome family & an awesome life. Your child isn't going to hate you because you put him/her up for adoption, esp if they know you were considering abortion. I hate a friend that was thinking about it in high school, she ended up changing her mind...once he was born she would randomly look at him & start crying so hard because he's her whole life & she couldnt believe she even considering abortion. If you are considering one, know the facts, but not only do you need to know the facts, you need to know that there are many familes out thier that can NEVER have children. & while you don't know how that feels, let me tell you from personal experience it hurts like a fucking bitch.
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